*smiles sheepishly*
Is it such a crime to not like the real world? Especially for us autistics, the world is Heck with a false "Heaven" label plastered all over it. But the thing is, we can sense they're lying to us. We know that this world isn't all it's cracked up to be, so we create our own. And I must say, living a fantasy life is like having a massive boulder taken off your back!
As some of you may have read in the "special interests" thread, I was, at one point, mystified by mermaids. I'm getting back into it, actually. It eats me alive. It started with h2o in 2006, and I can't get over it. It's like a personal autistic fandom gone wrong. I can't get rid of the desire, the hopes, and the dreams it filled me with. I'm asking my mother to get me this replica locket (the exact same one!) from here: http://www.sterlingsilverart.com/exact- ... rmaid.html
For my birthday this year. And she said I might just get it! It fills me with happiness and hope, but there's something dark underneath it. It doesn't go away. EVERY time I hear the word "mermaid" or "hydrokinesis" or even see the cast members, I get sucked right back in. I bought the theme song, AND the more expensive karaoke version, and listen to it on repeat for hours.
I created my own little world, one where I'm a mermaid and I can actually fight back because I have this power over water. And I can sing. Like a siren. Oh, how I love that ability! But it kills me a little bit inside every time I get back into the whole mermaid business. I'm looking to buy or make my own tail this summer, when I get some money for my birthday (not saying that to be snotty, everyone besides my immediate family usually gets me money). But here's the one problem with that: I can't swim. And I want to bind my legs together and put them in a MonoFin. Smart idea? NO.
My world gives me heck every time I go back to it. It follows me. It fills me with dread because I know some day I'll have to withdraw from it, because most people (aside from my friends on www.mernetwork.com) don't want to be around this woman that can't get over her childhood dream. I'll probably be looked at like everyone's always looked at me--the crazy chick that's gotta go back to the hospital.
My autistic world has ruined my life. My sisters make fun of me for it. I have maybe ten drawings in my sketchbook dealing with it. I've tested spells, read books, cried listening to the theme song. It won't leave me alone. But I love it too much to let it go. My dolls have fabric mermaid outfits I've made for them. It...hurts me so much. I can't get rid of it. But it is a beautiful, magical place, and I will never leave.
I just hope your world doesn't affect you the same way. Best of luck. Sorry for my crazy rant.
~SDR 