Can you decode nonverbal in hindsight?

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I suppose this is one of the advantages of the Asperger vivid & long-term memory, even if in many cases it may be too late...just a learning experience for the next time...I have found that I can retain nonverbal nuance from a given interaction and evaluate it later on with what I would consider to be an accurate assessment. An example, I went up to a co-workers desk a couple of months ago and asked her if I could ask her a question, she said sure made it quick because she's got a call in 2 minutes. I rambled a bit and ask a follow-up question, not noticing that she appeared uneasy and kept glancing at her phone before she verbally reminded me - then I said "yes, sorry, I remember you said that - and I thought I saw you glancing at your phone -we can come back to this later."

There are other instances, where I tuned in after a delay, or after I'd removed myself from the interaction I thought, "what was that face that so-and-so made, or when she had her hands over those papers like that..." then it occurs to me what the implicit message was. I can actually recall incidents or interactions from like a decade or more ago where somebody's nonverbal still enters my mind's eye and can tell what it signifies TODAY - but just not at the time. Then I sort of kick myself like "how could you have responded like that" or "how could you not have acknowledged..."

The way I see it is, it's just the Asperger inherent challenges in spontaneous processing of these things, something that NTs are endowed with.

Yes, I know that. Frustrating.
Another thing about long-term memory. Sometimes I have been asked the same question by the same person one or two months apart and heard myself repeat my answer exactly as a record, exactly the same words, same intonation, same facial expression and a distinct feeling of reading aloud

I am not sure, that these things are specifically aspie-ish.

They may not be Aspie-ish, i.e. they're not symptoms, but they are the adaptations of an Aspie.

Jayo, you seem to have my number. This is about the third post of yours today that describes me pretty well.

Yeah, sometimes and it's really f'ing annoying.....then you can't do anything about it...you just feel like sh*t. Theoretically you should be able to use it as a learning experience and not make the same social mistake again but social situations are rarely exactly the same and they go so quickly. I just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. Meh, maybe I'm just a slow leaner.

I can't really say I decode in hindsight, more so I do remember more obvious non verbel signs and cues and then get to agonize for eternity what they ment and if even directed at me. I never get to know for sure though, I do tend to point the finger at myself and chringe when thinking about it for quite a long time, I never forget such an incident if I think it took place.

For me hindsight can be 5 seconds after the cue first appeared. I miss it at first and then just a moment later I pick up on it at which point it's already awkward and I'm still interacting with the person. I could be talking to someone who isn't listening or interested for 3-4 sentences and then I'll realize the person isn't interested while I'm in mid sentence and I'll just freeze. Wait a second, this person isn't listening and hasn't been listening since I started talking a moment ago. Now I have to find a way to end it cleanly. It would be weird if I told the person I just realized he's not listening and that I'm going to stop now. It would also be weird if I just stopped talking for no reason since I'm in the middle of saying something. All I can do is wrap it up as quickly and efficiently as possible. It's time for some damage control.

I remember nonverbal signals, but I'm not really able to interpret them correctly afterward. I've noticed that I tend to have almost paranoid interpretations of them and have to force myself to not dwell on them.

I do the paranoid "was that directed at me?what did that mean?" ruminating for hours too. Good old social anxiety....

I think I do work out some correctly after the fact though......

Yep, happens to me all the time. Especially when it comes to women flirting with me. Several hours or a day later I say "you idiot" to myself, as the penny finally drops.

I will remember them if I noticed them. Sometimes I can interpret them in hindsight (which can be anything from seconds or minutes to several years later), others leave me as clueless in hindsight as when it happened.

I think I process non-verbal information faster than verbal information. I can't process both at the same time. Really, if someone has some kind of negative or impatient tone I sometimes I can't hear what they're saying. I'm just start freaking out and getting nervous and feel like I can't deal with them. I notice in a group setting I usually only think of something good to say after the opportunity has passed. Seems like my problems are different from what most people on here describe. Actually, I probably do miss positive signals. I just always notice the negative ones right away.

No. It's like I can't even see the other person when I'm listening to them.

Actually, I sort of relate to this as well. In a group setting I'm completely useless at conversation because I'm trying to interpret too much information and anything I've come up with is long after it would be appropriate to say anything. And if I detect someone is upset with me I totally shut down (which probably doesn't help matters).

I don´t think you are so different. I´ve had that a lot, and still do, especially now, in a new job, - and the part, where you look for something good to say, but too late....I wondered about that in third grade. It is no mystery.
This is probably greatly emphasized by the social anxiety, that comes from having been scolded, made fun of, bullied, excluded, whenever that happened.
Thinking, that you are in the same situation once again, can trigger it all (the brain works very categorically).You miss positive signals, watching out for negative ones.
There is so much social insecurity and low self esteem in here. So much fear of being rejected. That is what bullying does to people!
I am getting the impression, that these things are the main problem for most people, - not some amount of AS traits, really.

I don't think that's exactly it though in my case. I mean, some of it might be anxiety or lack of confidence but sometimes I find myself having trouble even when I'm totally relaxed. Of course people interpret quietness as shyness, but in my case it isn't 100% anxiety. It's more like my mind reflexively wanders to tangential ideas or lingers on continuing to ponder a topic that previously came up long after everyone has moved on. I'm just generally always a few steps behind. It's more like an executive function thing as it's like I just can't concentrate enough to keep up and often it's like I don't even want to keep up because I'm feeling bored anyways. I just can't keep my focus when I'm not interested. Maybe I have co-morbid ADD but I tend to hyper-focus on my own thoughts rather than completely lack focus. I don't think I miss cues much when I'm really paying attention. I do above average on tests where I give interpreting my full attention. It's just that in real life I find it hard to pay close attention to people most of the time. Until I start getting negative vibes that is. When that happens I start to get either nervous or angry/irritable. With people I know well (like family members mostly) I start to get hypersensitive to small things that annoy me, like if they sigh a certain way or pause or have a tone that annoys me. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it as I'm not certain exactly what it is always.

I'm also apparently slow to process what has been said when someone asks me a question. It's even worse if someone interrupts me while I'm thinking. When people I don't know well try to start small talk with me I'm alright, but when it's people close to me I lose patience and start to get irritated when they ask me small talk questions, thus I'm an anti-social jerk that's always stuck in my own head. It's not that I want to be a jerk but sometimes I'm just irritable. People ask me a question and when I don't process it and answer immediately they get very slightly impatient and I notice it and instinctively either feel like getting mad back at them or going silent.