Would These Have Been Considered Meltdowns?

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When I was 10, my mom did something to set me off... I can't remember what, but I do know that I ended up screaming in the parking lot of Costco for about 15 minutes. And then after she was trying to get me to go in with her and I did NOT want to at all.

Then (a few months prior or after) once she said she'd take me out to sell Girl Scout cookies and didn't, that set off another huge showdown that probably ended with me either kicking the wall in my room, standing in a corner, or crying myself to sleep at 4:00 in the afternoon.

Then (about two years prior) my older brother knocked me over while we were sledding and that set off another.

Would these be meltdowns or temper tantrums? I don't really remember anything except that my mom always made things worse by telling me not to talk and charging me for every word I said, and yelling at me when I was already out of control.

When I found out about Asperger's, I instantly saw these as responses to circumstances in my environment that pushed me over the edge.

I think that if you were out of control then yes, they were meltdowns.

I was most definitely out of control. If my mother had left me alone to cry myself out or scream or whatever then I probably could have calmed down much faster than if she was yelling at me to stop crying and yelling.

Mine was similar as well - that or she'd say 'there's no use in crying/being angry'. All that does is make me more frustrated and doesn't make it any less likely for it to happen again... I mean even in the middle of a meltdown I often realise what I'm doing and want it to stop and get over with as quickly as possible, saying things about it is only going to make me feel even worse than I already feel. It's like trying to put out an oil fire using water - things just get worse.

Exactly. Like during a meltdown I would have rather she just let me cry out or try to distract me than just yell at me to stop crying. That did nothing. You'd think after so many of these she'd have figured it out.

I cannot say for sure, as I am only trying to infer my kids' inner states during a meltdown vs a tantrum, but I would say that for them, the primary emotion felt during a tantrum is anger or indignation. During a meltdown I sense a strong feeling of...fear, I think would be the best word...in both of them. It seems as though they get disconnected and discombobulated and as a result, there is an edge of...panic...even when they appear angry at first glance. They also both lose the ability to converse and if they say anything at all, it is repetitive and not in response to any outside stimulus. At this point there is no point in doing anything except getting them to a quiet place and letting them ride it out.

My daughter has had fierce tantrums. She will be out of control, but it is because she is seething with rage because of some perceived slight. But even at the height of one of these kinds of over the top tantrums, there is a qualitative distinction from what I label a meltdown. She still "has her wits about her" and even though she is out of control to a certain degree, there is still a willfulness to her behavior that is absent in a meltdown. When she is in meltdown mode, she couldn't stop, even if promised her most favorite thing. Even if her life was threatened. Even if my life was threatened. She can't stop until it is over, and it is over on a timeline that is not controlled by her.