My thoughts/experiences with autistic tendencies...

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I've been coming to terms with the fact that I probably have some autistic tendencies. Those tendencies are actually pretty mild, overall; most people who I meet/know do not notice or think anything is "off" about me, other than that I am quiet/shy in social situations, and I have been told by many people that I am exceptionally intelligent (which I do not always believe, but I'll take the compliment anyway! )

I had been diagnosed when I was younger with 'mild, high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome" and had gotten social skills training/speech therapy. Looking at how I have grown since I was a young child, I realize now how thankful I am that my parents intervened. Nowadays, I have an easier time enjoying everyday life, and am not as anxious or irritated with environmental stimuli as I was when I was very young.

However, I also know that my self-esteem has suffered as I have grown up and gotten more aware of my own shortcomings, especially as they pertain to my autistic traits. Perhaps as social interactions got more and more sophisticated as I got into middle school and high school, I became more withdrawn and down on myself. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Who knows. The broader point, though, is that I carry pain and emotional baggage with me from my experiences with having autistic tendencies both past and present.

Yet every good story has a silver lining, and mine is no different in that regard. I am finding, the more people I get to know on an individual basis or together as friends, the more I share and open up to people about my struggles...I realize that people do care about me, that other people go through struggles of their own (and that doesn't make them any better or worse than me!), and that nobody is perfect, or "has it all together."

All of those who are reading this, know this: It is up to you to find love, acceptance, and joy in your life. Nobody else is going to do it for you. And though the road is tough, there is a beauty in the brokenness of life, that I am coming to appreciate, more and more, and I hope you will too.

thanks for sharing. i believe you can and will improve because you have the right mindset

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