I need some help and advice from you guys??

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I'm 22 and I have been having a very hard time lately. I didn't have the easiest life, my father really knows how to make me feel stupid and insecure. He is a NYC Ironworker and pretty much worked his way up to be a top boss where he earns a lot. When I was born in 1990, we lived in NYC a lower class area and he was a young worker who drank hard. Now we are upper middle class and live in the suburbs(i love the city much more) He doesn't drink as much but he really puts me down. It hurts me inside and I lose it, many times we have fought, when I was younger I couldnt fight back and he smacked me around when he got angry. He really confuses me, he tells me things and then when I turn around and do it to please him he says I am an a**hole and how can I do that, etc.. I am a now bigger than him in height and muscle he doesn't try to fight me and instead picks up a knife or bat when it comes to that.


My cousin is 16 and we are very close, he is a good kid and I give him advice. He put down he is a boss at my fathers union, my father was upset at first and kept saying "Why would he write that? He is making an a%% out of himself."

I was confused and thought my father didnt want that advertised on FB. I told my cousin through email to take it down. my cousin was not happy and just said "yea whatever man". I told my father I felt bad after that and my father said "What the f___ is wrong with you? He's a kid, everybody makes up things on Facebook". I felt so stupid and embarrassed. That is not what he told me. This is why I am so confused and messed up. My mother is a hothead as well and when I try to talk she ends up screaming and cursing at me. I can't deal with this, it only adds to sensory issues and I am losing it.


The cops came the other week after my father was menacing me with a knife after a fist fight and I hurt him. He was not cooperative with the officers, but I was. The cops told me that "he has communication issues" and was talking down to them as well. I am very upset. It's the same thing all of the time. They never admit when they are wrong and I have such a hard time expressing how I feel all they do is manipulate me and make me feel stupid when I try to explain to them how I feel. I am always reminded that I am a grown man living with them and they can kick me out whenever. I don't know what to do anymore. He is 51, my mom is 59, i am an only child.

Are you able to be independent enough to move out?

There is always the possibility your father has an undiagnosed ASC himself, even your mother, although she could be a "hothead" from years of living with your father's behaviour.

You can't change people, parents or not. The best thing for you if you are able, is to make a life for yourself with a little bit of distance from your parents and to choose when and how you maintain contact. Living under those circumstances is unhealthy and will affect you for life.

^ Yep. That.

No-one should have to live in a violent situation.
Find an advice service in your area by phone or online and ask what help is available.
You need a social worker or advocate to assist you in getting away from this.

This is another possible option if you're unemployed or can't work.
Even a meagre existence on some sort of social assistance income that covers a roof over your head and food to eat would likely be plenty more beneficial to your general health and well being. Then you'll be able to work yourself into a more independent self sufficient life from there vs. being in such a chaotic environment that constrains you from living a better life.

If you're working & can afford to live on your own, it'll be that much easier and faster to get yourself into a better balanced life situation.

Dude, you have very dysfunctional parents. Like the cop said, *he* has communication issues. Him coming at you with a knife is plain insane. I'm surprised he wasn't taken to jail. That's is blatant assault with a deadly weapon.

It's too bad your cuz is only 16 and you guys can't share a place together. Get some advice from him. Find a way to get out of there needless to say. It's never going to get any better.