Anyone have trouble with people exaggerationing?

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I feel angry sometimes if someone says the wrong thing to me. For example, my old boss at my volunteer job said there is always someone out there for everybody. A old social worker told me anyone can drive. A random stranger told me there is a job out there for everyone. An old social worker said anyone can sing act and dance. I think a good friend of mine said everyone has friends. What the hell? Not everyone can drive, get in a relationship, get a job , make friends, sing, act and dance. That is bunch of nonsense.

It's BS.

My Dad used to call that stuff "comforting lies". It's stuff people tell themselves and you, that isn't true at all, so they can pretend that if you - or someone else - can't do all the things they can do, this is somehow your fault.

And it's important for them to pretend that this is your fault, so they can avoid thinking about how they'd react in your place. Also, it helps them to feel virtuous about refusing to help you in any way.

Sorry, I'm cynical, but I've observed that people who say these things are the same ones who only "do good" when they have an audience.

All humans tend to assume that all humans think the same way they do. And thus all humans assume that all other humans have the same aptitudes that they have. Thus everyone assumes that if you find something difficult it must be you lacking character, or just not trying. If you're an aspie you can have both unusual deficits and unusual aptitudes. I have to bite my tongue not berate folks for not being able to do stuff that I find easy, like read maps, or do math in my head, -bite my so that folks don't turn on me about something I cant do (except that they turn on me anyway, so why do I bother. Lol).

It’s the old Horatio Alger thing.

Obviously, not everybody will get rich....but I do believe in emphasing the possibility.

It’s rather like the belief in Santa Claus.

I learned to drive at a very old age. Without the belief in the possibility, I would never have even tried.

Just because (supposedly) 80% of autistic people are not in meaningful employment—doesn’t mean you can’t be one of the 20%.

Kraftiekortie,

I got my license for the first time at a late age, too (48). It took a lot of work, but I finally did it.

I think words like "anyone" and "everyone" are a bit of an exaggeration. However, like Kraftiekortie, I choose to think positive.

I think that what causes anger is that since they are using a simplified model of the world, that doesn't take into account the difficulties and barriers and the costs that you may be subject to, concerning all this.

What makes anger manifest is the fact that they believe their model to be the reality, and the fact that this implies that they will find misattributions for your actions -- or the lack thereof, and therefore they'll potentially build an incomplete model of who you are, and project it unto you -- whether consciously or not.

Lucky for you, they project image of "you are capable" (which often is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and maybe doing so worked for them in the past). While this approach also says in parentheses "(but you're not trying hard enough)".
The first part is good, but second part is what annoys you.
Its easiest to just mentally acknowledge and ignore that. You can never convince everyone of everything.

AXIOM OF LIFE: People will misattribute.
Proof needed? No. By definition we're always working with mental models (as opposed to reality, which is abstract and complex), in hope of achieving favorable practical outcomes. Good intentions however may pave the road to hell. It's most important not to get oversensibilized over this fact/axiom about people. One way is to recognize that you also are 'people' and therefore you also misattribute their actions. Compassion therefore must be there. Try instead focus on what they did right and understood beyond what others didn't, not what they misunderstood -- because there'll always be misunderstadings.

"Absolute statements are the root of all evil"
There's limit of time,
limit of energy,
limit of everything,
limit of INTELLECT,
limit of awareness (of your difficiulties)
and we people therefore make quick calls, quick approximations.

But sometimes a belief can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, and is similar to a seed that is nurtured.
Reminds me of teacher-student relationship, and that study where teachers who believed that their students were capable, had better grades in their class.

Anyway, I'm also limited, I hope anything from what I said was useful. I am open to errors, and if I said something foolish or out of balance with logical facts of your life, I appologise

All the best!

Sometimes a picture really IS worth a thousand words.



Yeah, pretty much.

PS, I was fed the same line. I accomplished a fair amount in my working life, *despite* the "glass ceiling", age discrimination (later) and various white collar sociopaths as "colleagues" and supervisors. If I had believed the propaganda, and disbelieved that these things were real, I would have been absolutely defenseless against them. (Or psychotic, or catatonic from the cognitive dissonance of being told everything was great when it so manifestly was NOT).

Instead, I have a very real sense of JUST how massive the obstacles really were, and JUST how much I accomplished, in some cases, merely by remaining in place and getting the job done well - until I could find another (hopefully) better place to work.

And ya know what? I'll take that kind of realism any day. When someone invalidates you, they have an agenda.

It may be that they can't deal with hard truths and painful reality (and want to silence you, so they don't have to think about the facts you are placing before them).

Or it may be that they prefer their success to come at your expense, and keeping you in the dark facilitates that (because as long as you believe you can do anything, then it must be *your fault* when you can't, despite the fact that *they* are hogging all the resources you need, talking trash about you to your boss and coworkers, behind your back, or whatever).

Or - to be fair - they may just be burned out. Compassion fatigue is a real thing, and there really are people who give until it hurts, at which point they're tapped out and just can't help anyone else for a while. (You'll know when this is the issue, because these folks will show up again later on, tell you what happened, and let you know they were just too tired to listen or help, or whatever.)

Either way, reality is always your friend.

Last edited by Esmerelda Weatherwax on 08 Jul 2018, 1:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have also heard a variant of this: "Many people have never done (whatever) and wound up very successful." I have yet to meet these people. This was a false statement made to make me feel better about myself. It didn't work because everybody I knew who succeeded were completely functional people.

People exaggerate, that's what people do. It is quite funny when you have been with someone on a trip and later that person tells a story about it to someone else and starts exaggerating excessively . I'm always thinking to myself, "Do you not see me sitting here? I was there with you."

Always. Especially when they blow something way out of proportion, and then make every effort to make it even worse.

(By the way, I think you meant "exaggerating" -- "exaggerationing" isn't even a word.

Exaggerationing occurs when the person in charge of rationing isn't very good at math.