I think I may have mild asperger's? I once started looking into when i was 16. i've never really had actual friends (just acquaintances basically) and was feeling so horrible at that time. but then i mentioned it to my older sister and she laughed in my face and i tried talking to a school counselor and she brushed me off immediately. i'm about to graduate now and i transferred schools last year and i love my peers but i just feel like i'm always missing something when i talk to people.
I know without a doubt i've had palilalia since i was little, my sister used to mock me so much for it so i know i consciously tried stopping when i hit middle school, and i occasionally find myself doing it now (and more often i do it just in my head). i get most sarcasm and things, i only sometimes struggle to know if someone is joking when they say things (it's usually if they tell me to do something, like a joking command but they're just kidding, but i'm not actually sure if they're kidding or if i just find their request bizarre). eye contact is so uncomfortable for me, i'm lucky enough to have gotten into some top acting programs for college, and i know i'm good and have potential, but scenes are sometime hard because of the eye contact needed. i'm smart, less ahead of my peers than i was when i was little, but still ahead in maturity and mental keenness (for lack of a better word. i'm not particularly good at math and sciences, but pick up language and word studies rapidly). i'm not sure what my IQ is, but i don't doubt that it's above average. i don't think i had motor problems as a child (and my parents are as good as useless, they remember as little about my childhood as i do, in addition to their having been physically and verbally abusive throughout these years) i probably learned how to bike at 8, swim around 6, always had great handwriting. i never quite developed all of my social skills, i guess? i never had friends, and i still think the things that kids my age do (partying, having little relationships that they get swept up in, idiotic, poor decision making) and the way they feel is so petty. i don't feel bad for most of my friends when they're upset about things just because i think they're stupid reasons to get so upset. haha maybe i'm just a sociopath with a verbal tic. but really, does this sound like a mild form of Asperger's? I keep brushing it off, thinking No you were just too sheltered as a kid, you're too sharp to have any form of that, so forth, but I keep coming back to it. especially when I realize that kids at my school talk to me the way they talk to severely mentally handicapped students, in that sort of "Smile and say something vaguely nice and make her feel valid" sort of way....i hate it.
as far as sensory issues, i do overload form social interaction really quickly, i usually go home and cry after being at any sort of party for one of either two reasons: i feel so isolated despite talking to people, or i just get overwhelmed by having to interact. the only other thing i can think of is that i listen to things like the radio and tv at really quiet levels, my mother always complains that she can't hear the tv. also, when i fall asleep during the day, i'm really sensitive to sounds and smells after I wake up (and usually for the rest of the evening), everything is way too loud.also, i cried everyday when i was little, often more than once pr day, i was incredibly sensitive. naturally, not all of this crying was unwarranted with the way i was treated, but i know i didn't tend to overreact, especially if plans got (slash get, still) change don me last minute.
thoughts?
13 Apr 2013, 11:05 pm
