I guess you could call this progress for somebody with Aspergers, but over the years I have gotten much better at discerning when someone was upset or put off by something that must have originated with me (note that I don't say "my fault") and that the other person is reluctant to come out and say what's the matter, but most of the time I don't instinctively know WHY.
Before, I would miss the (subtle) signs that someone was put off altogether, and then I'd feel betrayed, or the other person was passive-aggressive or fickle or mean. This improved in about my mid-20s around the time of my diagnosis. Most of the time I can now readily tell when someone was upset because of something apparently inappropriate that I said or did in the recent past.
However, when in one of these situations - and I do recommend this approach to my fellow Aspies on here - I wouldn't volunteer what I might have done to upset the other person. I would let her (and I say "her" b/c they're usually female) point it out. One might think this is typical Aspie cluelessness, but it's actually a street-smart response because you're not self-incriminating so to speak. The last thing you want to do is point out something upsetting you did which WASN'T the reason why she was upset and then you've given her one more reason. Often-times, I have found that the reason I thought she was upset turned out to be wrong; so then I just remain silent on that presumed reason for the rest of the interaction.
But I suppose that most neurotypicals wouldn't have this issue so much, they would instinctively be more proactive about it and prevent such situations from arising in the first place, because the prescribed/proper response to a given situation comes more naturally to them.
13 Apr 2013, 1:40 pm
