I have a lot of anxiety in my life, I need desperate help?

Post Reply New Topic

I need my dad to confirm with the counsellor lady at my school to begin sessions. I'm anxious and depressed due to many causes, including people, my experiences and my self esteem.

People: I'm generally afraid of people. I was nearly stabbed, used to be abused a lot at home(sort of still am) and bullied at school. People make me scared because I do not know where I stand with them. Whenever somebody gives me a dirty look or insults me, I feel hurt and I want to cry. For example, let's refer the conversation with the old friend as Friend A and the girl who triggered my anger as Friend B. I was speaking to Friend A about this time where Friend A wanted me to look after her plate of chips at lunch while she went to get some water. Friend B stole my plate away from me and decided herself to look after it (she just wanted to steal her chips). I got very angry at her and out of frustration I threw the plate on the floor. Friend A looked at me after I reminded her of this story and said " Oh yeah, I'll never forgive you for that.". It made me sad because I wasn't trying to be nasty. I think it's immature that she couldn't forgive me. She also said I was annoying which made me sad too. Also, this guy on the trip said " I guess we know who the person who has swag around here is". I jokingly said "Me!!" knowing he was referring to himself. He gave me an annoyed look.

People are so mean to me, I cannot trust anybody. When I'm crying at school, I want to be left alone. I don't want to share my problems with most people. They NEVER help me. No-one understands me at all, they think I'm outgoing and bubbly. I'm the complete opposite, they do not know me at all.

Experiences: Mother dying at a young age+ being abused at home+ bullied and hated at school = messed up child.

Self Esteem: I don't have many talents. I know I have very good visual skills and that's all I'm proud of really. Most of my teachers think I'm smart, but I don't really believe it. I think I am of average intelligence. I do well at school, but that's because the system is basically memorisation. I don't believe knowledge= intelligence so doing well in these silly gcses doesn't mean squat. My English teacher thinks I'm talented in English, but he's only seen my essays. These essays we did were so easy, lots of people passed with very high grades. My English skills are really not exceptional. I used to write stories online and people thought they were abysmal with poor grammar. I don't think I'm exceptional at maths either, no matter how much I want to believe it. I did very well in the topic at school, but that's easy. I never thought I was much good though. I don't believe I have that strange mathematical ability which I do not know how to describe. My maths skills fell apart in year 8 due to a bad teacher.

I had the same mark I got in year 7 in maths which was a 6B for year 8 and the start of year 9. I passed the end of the year 9 through cheating. I did the questions before I had the actual exam. I did learn the material, but I still had a disadvantage. Whenever I get questions wrong in maths now, I beat myself up about it. It reminds me of how I feel about my maths skills. Also, it makes me doubly sad because I really want to be a quantum physicists when I'm older. But how can I ever achieve much as one if I don't have exceptional ability in the field. I was thinking of combining my maths and visual skills together to see how well I do but eh. I do well in science though.

I'm a miserable child.

I think you are wise to pursue counseling. it sounds like you don't give yourself enough credit. counseling may help there. I can also recommend a book that helped me. it's called "the self-esteem companion" by McKay, fanning, et al.