Are we really any different?

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I was going over some stuff in my head... There's a WP thread about an aspie kid who gets distressed when he has to be reminded to do things. Which is something I totally relate to, to this day.

Then I thought to myself... one of the problems is, NT's are so smarmy when they catch you at having forgot to do something. But then I thought... is that really fair? Of course one is going to encounter more NT's in life when it comes to negative experiences with others. So is it really only an NT thing to look down upon others or give them a hard time?

Then I recalled a day on the school bus when I was about 14. At this time I'm attending a private school for kids with autism and other developmental disabilities. And there was this one kid named David, also 14, who was more developmentally disabled than several of us. For one thing he had to wear an elaborate and ridiculous looking back brace. Then he had generally goofy looking features; protruding ears and so on. And he had a goofy sounding voice. And he dressed funny...

And especially that one day on the bus, we, us autistic kids, mercilessly tormented this poor kid. He finally had to tearfully plead with everyone saying "I can't take it anymore, I can't take it!". We were being just as cruel and sadistic as any NT kids could ever be. So, I think I'm going to find myself remembering that the next time someone gives me a hard time and I start blaming it on them for being NT and cursing NT people in general. I've seen with my own eyes, and know from my own heart, in bashing that poor kid, that I and we, really were no better... were we?

I will say that at least it was easier for the staff to get us to see the errors of our ways and repent, by reminding us of the treatment we would receive if we got expelled and had to start attending a public school. We did treat David decently after that. But still....

I joined in with flicking ink over the jacket of a teacher in the classroom when his back was turned - that's about the most I've ever done towards anyone at school. I've never bullied another pupil. I don't have sufficient need for a group identity to let any group dictate that I demean another human being - I've had it happen too often to myself so know how it feels.

I'd agree that a tendency towards intolerance and cruelty can occur regardless of neurology - it's the person themself who makes the decision to be like that.

No we are not any different. I finally realized this in 2007 so instead of thinking someone with autism is acting like an NT, they are just being an ass or judgmental or stupid, whatever they are doing. It's a human thing and a personality thing.

People with autism can also make fun of another autistic person about their traits which I find strange but I guess just because someone has autism does not mean they will understand their own condition or you. They can also misjudge you too because of your traits. I have seen it online too many times, accusing someone of being a troll, thinking of them as being mean, thinking they are trying to be provocative, etc.

So you stopped bullying the kid out of fear of consequences not because you actually realized maybe it was wrong? Yeah I'd say all humans even those with autism can be pretty nasty.

One time when I was a kid I joined in making fun of this girl....I really don't know why maybe I was curious to see what it was like not to be on the receiving end. But the thing that stopped me from doing such things again was I felt horrible about it afterwords, I might have even apologized not sure though.

It is a basic survival instinct of social animals to weed out the weak or different in order to build a stronger or cohesive community. It is socially unacceptable to a point to do so among humans because we strive to rise above instinct, but it can still be seen today in society at large. An extreme example would be hate groups, less extreme would be women/men only groups, and the more benign examples would be specific topic/activity groups. It can be painful to be excluded from a group, but it is sadly design by nature.

Very well written.

To be happy about life one has to accept all implications of survival, because that is what life is built upon.

It can be quite difficult to do this when having aspergers, since in that case you are likely one of the "animals" who are supposed to be "weeded out" because of social skill deficits.

It might be socially unacceptable on the surface, but in real life noone cares about what is socially acceptable - don't believe humans are morally "better" than animals.

I think it's a bit like when a minority experiences racism. They will often feel anger towards the general majority population, and see them as worse than they are. Bad experiences will color their interactions and points of view. Just like we feel anger and resentment towards NTs. (Of course on a site like WP you're gonna see a lot of it too, because where else would we rant about treatment we get? It's not like we can just talk to anyone about it, they wouldn't get it.) But being subjected to hatred/discrimination doesn't make the minorities (or us) good, decent or innocent themselves (ourselves). We're still capable of being mean and nasty, capable of bullying and targeting others.
There is this Disney-alike notion that any group that it is PC to like/tolerate are automatically good. But the world is a lot more complex than that. We all have a mean streak, and act on it at times, especially when we're young. Of course autistic people are as capable of cruelty and nastiness as anyone else are. It would have been stranger if we weren't. I have already mentioned some of the things I have done in other threads so I won't repeat it here.

This is something I've given quite a bit of thought recently. As a child I bullied and got other children in trouble deliberately, even intimidated or was mean to someone who was much younger than me.
As a teen and adult I've also been intentionally mean, I have deliberately made people feel bad unprovoked. Not towards everyone, and not all the time or even most of the time (and more seldom as I've gotten older), but yeah, I have the capacity and I can have a sharp tongue.
I don't feel any guilt over things I did as a child, or even a a teen, nor did I feel guilt or shame when it happened. There are things I did as a younger adult that I regret now, and would have handled differently today, but I can't change that.

Realising that I'm no angel myself has made it way easier to come to terms with things I have been subjected to and has helped me let go and move on.


No, there are certainly plenty of people I look down on. I can certainly judge people. And before anyone says anything, I have as much or as little right as anyone else to do so, no matter their situation or neurology. One will feel what one feel, the main thing is to be mature enough to not act on it or show it.

I've been intentionally mean. I have enjoyed it. I think there might be one difference between aspie and Nt bullying: I think aspies are more likely to target people they don't like or think are too weird, while NTs will target who they think it's socially acceptable to target regardless of what they think of them personally, something we likely wouldn't think about.


I don't think there are many children who stop because they think it's wrong. It's usually about consequences.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 18 Apr 2013, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think so. I believe it was because we were reminded of our own vulnerability to be tormented outside our safe zone. We weren't actually being threatened with expulsion over that incident. It was just presented as a "what if" scenario to open our eyes to what we were doing. We realized what hypocritical jerks we were being. At least I did. And I treated David properly afterwards because of that.

Just one more reason why humanity is great

I never started anything or at least on purpose, when I had friends I used to sit back until I thought what they were doing was potentially creating emotional stress for the victim then I would step in and say "I thinks thats enough" in the most diplomatic tone I could do. I had the heck bullyed out of me in grade 1, I sort of knew what to look for and did what I could to helps others and often tryed to comfort them not that I knew how to do that. My tolarnce for bullying is very low becouse of my past experence. Some people always thought I was no fun becouse of this.

I tend to instinctively evaluate people for 'bullying potential' and I hate to say this but I wasn't entirely surprised to hear this story from the OP

I resent the 'come on we've all done it at some point haven't we?' tone taken to try and made the unacceptable acceptable