2 reasons for posting - humour and being too blunt/objective

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There are 2 points to this post.
1 - My jokes aren't funny - people don't like my sense of humour - too dark.
2 - I'm too objective sometimes, especially when people press my metaphorical 'switch'.

A bit of background reading:
So my boyfriend's brother, whom I have a strong disliking for, was in another minor car accident yesterday - they both walked away fine. He's 23 and has been through 3 cars. Now, not all of them have been his fault, but he has had an accident in every car.

First car:
He was at a fayre and tried to drive through a gap that was obviously far too small.
He nearly had a serious crash at a roundabout - a bus on his right (so he was meant to give way to him) started moving onto the roundabout, but because he didn't want to do a hill start, he decided not to stop and carried on going over the roundabout. There wasn't a crash because the bus stopped on the roundabout, but we were all in the car shouting at him to stop.

Second car:
He was on the motorway and someone drove into the back of him, which forced him into the car in front. This was only at 20mph, but because it wasn't a safe car, it ended up being written off.
He nearly had an accident as his car didn't have air conditioning, so he had the window open, a wasp flew in, he decided to look right for the wasp so his attention wasn't directed at the road in front. Consequently, we drifted into the lane of oncoming traffic, where I shouted "[Insert boyfriend's brother's name here], car!" as a Land Rover was travelling at 60mph towards us. Thankfully, he then swerved into the correct lane and missed the car. If we had collided, we'd all be dead because we were both travelling at 60mph and again, his car was only a 3* car (based on euro ncap ratings).

Third car:
He's driven into the fence so many times at church.
His car was written off yesterday as someone drove into the side of his car. It was technically the other person's fault, but he could've avoided it. For example, if you're approaching traffic lights and going straight on, you always check to your left (in the UK) to make sure that the cars have stopped/won't carry on going and hit you. If they do hit you, yes it's their fault for running a red light, but if you check to your left and see a car travelling at great speed and they look like they won't stop, then you don't go, even if it's a green light!! I have been in his car countless times, where we're only just missed colliding with other cars.
Likewise, so many times when I've been in his car, I've had to say "watch out for that car" etc, and in general, he just travels way too fast for the situation.

1st main point of the post:
It was a Honda Jazz that went into his car yesterday, so I keep thinking of funny jokes relating to that car/accidents. I told them to my boyfriend, who also doesn't like his brother, and he found them funny, but he said that I shouldn't tell them to anyone else as they wouldn't be.

I saw another "Traffic Incident" sign at the side of the road, so I said "Look [boyfriend's name], [brother's name] gets everywhere".

I also have been thinking of buying a Honda Jazz, so I said "well, at least he won't want to try out my new car when I get it" or "well, at least he won't park anywhere near my new car."

He's getting a hire car, so I wanted to ask "what hire car have you got? A Honda Jazz?"

My boyfriend's car was in the garage the other day as it needed something replacing, so his brother kept on saying "at least my car's not in the garage". So I wanted to say "now whose car's in the garage?" It's true though, I'm just saying what he kept on saying, so what's wrong with that?

I can understand why they may not be funny if it was a major accident, but I can't understand why they wouldn't be funny - it was only a minor accident - neither of them went to hospital and they're both fine! Maybe it's just my sense of humour I guess.

2nd main point of the post:
I spoke to my boyfriend about trying to refrain from saying any of my jokes, as his family wouldn't find them funny but sometimes when someone metaphorically 'presses a button' I feel completely enraged and they get an unfiltered opinion, whether they like it or not. This happened yesterday and today.

My boyfriend's dad called us up, we asked where he was and he was out getting my boyfriend's brother a new car. We asked what car, he said a 61 plate Vauxhall Insignia. I said "are you being serious?! Why get him a new car, he's had an accident in every single car that he's owned, he might as well get a cheap one in case he crashes it again" He said that 'he's a good driver and that he deserves a new car.' I also said that I hope he's paying for it being as he's working now, and the dad said 'oh he's using his savings' so I said 'good! He's working. He's got his own money so he should buy his own car.' - His parents have bought/given him his previous cars before - he gets away with way too much and it drives me mad.

I then spoke to his mum today, who said that he apparently was feeling very shaken up. So I said "good, maybe that'll make him drive a bit more cautiously! Seriuosly, he's crashed every car that he's owned, he's had several near crashes and I don't feel safe at all when I'm in his car. In fact, if it wasn't for me before, we'd all be dead." She didn't like that very much.

I also tried to see the funny side of it, and said "Do you know what's ironic? We wanted someone to be in on Thursday to get the shingles delivery." (Thursday was the day of his crash). I even laughed when I said it to show that I was joking. She replied with "Well, I don't think that's very funny. I'd much rather miss a delivery than that happen." It was obviously a joke!

I was also being too objective today when I spoke to his mum - saying that I'm glad that it's shaken him up etc so that he'll hopefully be more cautious when driving. Needless to say, he came home, asked if my boyfriend wanted a ride in his brand new hire car, so he did. As soon my boyfriend came back in, he said "it worked!" I asked what worked, and he said "He drives a lot more cautiously now. Probably the same amount that I do."

So I was right! Urgh. Why do people have to let emotions get in the way of things all the time? The fact is, he's always driven pretty dangerously, and little things haven't made him change, so I personally think that he needed to be 'shaken up' to make his driving change. It's not as if he was hurt at all - not a single stratch. So it worked. Why can't anyone else see that?

Summary:
I honestly wasn't intending to be rude as such, but I can't understand why people don't find my jokes funny and why they can't be so objective. I must admit, when a metaphorical 'switch is pressed', I don't concentrate on what I say to make sure it doesn't some out wrong, they get my opinion whether they like it or not. Usually I try to filter it though.

EDIT: Just made the subtitles bold so it's easier to read.

Last edited by LD92 on 19 Apr 2013, 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My guess is the problem is context here. His parents realize he has driving issues unless they are in some serious denial. As the girlfriend, you're a step outside of their family circle and their automatic response to your remarks is to defend their "baby". Even if he's now a grown adult there's always going to be some of that dynamic there, and they might feel you're attacking him due to over directness.

Thanks for replying.

Unless they're lying, they have said that they don't think there's anything wrong with his driving and that he's just unlucky.

They said that they see me as family. I've been living with them since the Christmas before last. My mum left my step-dad and I, and then my step-dad was being weird about money so they said that I can move in with them. They do know about my suspected AS.

They are the sort of people that metaphorically 'wrap their children up in cotton wall' though, so yes he probably is still their "baby." They also don't know how to discipline my boyfriend's brother and he's definitely more in charge. A simple example, if he's finished with a drinks bottle, he'll throw it to try and get it in the bin. If he misses, they ask him to pick it up, he says no and never picks it up. I might also add that they make every meal for him, he never tidies up. It's ridiculous. He's 23. Also, if he refuses to do something like tidy up, they'll ask my boyfriend to do it because there's no point in asking him as he'll refuse and they have no control over him.

EDIT: Erased my bf's name that I mentioned by accident.

Last edited by LD92 on 19 Apr 2013, 12:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Best thing I can suggest is to not get in a car with this guy.

Thanks for replying.

Not always possible. My boyfriend and I are in our church choir, and his brother is the music director, so he takes choir practice. As we all go from the same house, it makes sense to go in 1 car and he always wants to drive, because he's older.

Do you think I'm in the wrong btw? Are my comments/jokes bad?

I can identify with your comments, the trouble is other people may see this as sarcasm instead of joking.

It can be hard being involved in others family when there are underlying tensions, more so if you have your own communication issues related to ASD.

If things are getting a bit too volatile with your boyfriends family try to find a balance?

Whichever way it goes, you are still entitled to your opinions, it may be diplomatic to keep them to yourself.

Thanks for your reply.

I do usually try to keep them to myself, but sometimes I flip - it's as if someone has pressed a metaphorical button, and I no longer filter what I say.