Patching up with the NARCISST

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So i cut off from my narcissistic mother 4 years ago. I couldnt tolerate her interference in my personal life
She was controlling, dominating, bitching Narcissist and after my marriage she controlled my husband.

For 3 years i didnt contact her...when she called up i didnt answer her calls.
I didnt go to meet her.
I was not in touch with her.

But the thing is her NPD as ruined my social skills
I am unable to make friends, relationship, bonds with people

I feel lonely, deprived, isolated and there is no other choice
but to go back to her.

Its not easy to be around her but like i said i have to patch up with her.

Anyone else experienced such a situation???

There are specialist forums for helping to understand and recover from Narcissistic abuse.

Try: http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/

Also Melanie Tonia Evans has lots of material which may help: http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/

Good luck!

Maybe you could just have telephone contact with her, and could inform her of a schedule of how often you feel able to speak.

Is she diagnosed with NPD? if she is, then it will be no problem to tell her that her disorder is affecting your wellbeing. If not, you could tell her she has traits that concern you that you believe fit NPD and that she should go and get a mental health assessment for it.

In the meantime, can't you join some activity group or a reading group at a library? You can't rely on your mother for your social life anyway, that's unhealthy for a few reasons. She cannot also be the sole source of you not feeling alone for the same reasons.

If you don't have the social contact you would like, think what you could do to make that social life happen. If you have a special interest, is there a group or club for that activity?

Yeah, my brother is NPD. He's the only person I've ever had any kind of relationship with. We were always best friends. But I came to realize it was more me being his sidekick lackey. He's a very self absorbed manipulative scheming person. We had a major falling out a couple of years ago and are completely out of contact. All these people manage in the long run with all their cunning is alienating themselves from everyone who once cared for them. He really didn't have any friends except for me. Now he's living in another state all alone. Part of me feels sorry for him, another part hopes he's suffering.

At least we both know we're dealing with NPD.

An old story to keep in mind:

"A man started to climb a high, steep mountain when a rattlesnake asked the man to carry him along. "But you're a rattlesnake," the man said.

The snake smiled. "Don't worry. I won't bite you."

After days of arduous climbing, the man reached the mountain summit, whereupon the poisonous snake bit him. As he lay dying, the man cried out, "You said you wouldn't bite me!"

His reptilian hitchhiker looked at him and said, "Ha! You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up."
.

I don't want to ask you personal questions, but is your husband not very understanding of you? Even if you don't have friends outside, if your husband understands you, you shouldn't be too sad. Of course he can't be with you all the time and you surely want to have your independent time. So I understand that not being able to socialize still makes life difficult.

I think you probably shouldn't count on your mother. She has been the way she is and you can't really expect her to suddenly change and keep you from feeling lonely. She will most likely eventually disappoint you again.

You mentioned in another thread that you were attending a meeting for people with depression. Maybe something like that might be a starting point for you to develop some friendships with other people. You could even find some other gatherings such as autistic people's gathering etc.

It sounds like your husband is ignoring you. Have you actually told him about your state of mind and loneliness? If you have and he is ignoring that then clearly he is not a good husband. If you haven't told him, (and you sound passive so perhaps you haven't) then you really need to. Sometimes people can't see what is in front of them. Maybe he has a mutual interest that you could both go to something together.

Why don't you try a site that caters for people in your country looking for friendships? You may be able to express yourself better online, learn about someone before you ever arrange to meet up with them, and all the difficult introductory stuff will be out of the way beforehand.

http://www.indiandost.com/

I an relate to your situation, namaste, though mine is a bit less extreme. I still talk to my mother so that I can keep in contact with my little sister, who still lives at home. But I had limited what I say to her to prevent her from sending me into an emotional turmoil.

Recently, I've had a bit of a falling out with my boyfriend. I'm realising just how codependent I can be in a relationship and I'd like to change that, but that involves being more distant from him. So I've been looking for support elsewhere, though I'd isolated myself from friends while being in this relationship. I have no one to turn to so I need to learn to rely on myself a bit more and become less codependent.

Does anyone know about overcoming co-dependency/co-narcissism if you're the scapegoat child of a narcissist?

@deltafunction: see oceandrop's post above which contains a couple of links which may help and may lead on to other helpful links.