always feeling envious of other peoples' lives

Post Reply New Topic

I seem to struggle inside my head of being envious of other peoples' 'perfect lives', particularly those younger than me (29-30). Seeing other younger people than me who are business managers, lawyers, estate agents in their early to mid 20s and seeing them always having a great time and living a high life with friends, girlfriends and boyfriends and so on as well doesn't inspire at all, it just leaves me jealous and think I am a 'nobody' or inferior to them and does make me think 'How come I didn't choose that career or job and how come they've done that ?' while at the same time a part of me is not interested in being a lawyer or estate agent or someone like that. These thoughts never seem to go away.

I feel the same way and I think I always will.
I was born a jealous sort of person. I've always had the desire to be the same as everyone else, not better or worse, just the same.

I think my jealousy problem comes from my mum having a sister with 2 children exactly the same ages as me and my brother but both are different to us. They have always had lots of confidence, were always popular, got high grades in school, always had boyfriends and girlfriends, and now are both in good-paid jobs and are settled down in marriages and they're always going on holidays. Basically they both always land on their feet every time, and it was like they were born with this social confidence.
And there's me and my brother. I was a problem child growing up and struggled in school academically and socially, and I've had a breakdown in my early 20s because of being so unhappy in my own skin, and I was unhappily unemployed for 5 years until I finally got offered a job (I didn't even like the job but wanted a job so desperately so I took it). I've never had many friends or been to nightclubs and I am held back by AS, ADHD and social anxiety disorder. And my brother has had severe depression and low self-esteem since he was a teenager and he's never had a girlfriend, now he's not working and lives in his bedroom at my parents house, and has recently been diagnosed with Asperger's at age 30.

So being the opposite to another pair of siblings your age does remind you of how much you struggle through life and how lonely and unconfident you are.

I really understand you. That's really tough. Be strong

Same, I wish I could be normal, that I could enjoy life, that I could giggle and laugh so ignorantly.

There are quite a lot of people's lives you can be very glad you're not stuck with.

I know what you mean. Autism holds you back so much. It cuts you off from so many aspects of the human experience. It ruins your life, really.

When I walk along the Hudson River during the summer, it saddens me to see large numbers of people partying and barbecuing. It makes me think "They look so happy! They are having so much fun! How come I don't get invited to massive picnics?!"

I am perplexed by people who love their autism and don't want to be cured. They regard it as "a gift."

If there was a pill to reverse it, I would probably take it. It would completely change your personality, probably, and you wouldn't be you anymore but the sacrifice of your soul would be worth it, I think.

You need some personal success.

Asperger's doesn't make up the whole of me. If there was a "cure" and I took it, I'd still be me but with a lot of emotional stress off my shoulders.

Once or twice, I got into a discussion about this with some other people.

One guy said, "If there were a pill to make you normal, I would toss it as far away from me as my arm could throw it! I would chuck it to China!"

That seems to be the prevailing opinion.

If there was a pill to make me normal, I'd probably break a leg getting to it. A herd of stampeding elephants wouldn't keep me away from it. I'd cross every mountain and ocean in the world to get my hands on it.

What say ye?

I'm on disability for traumatic events that lead to a diagnosis of Asperger's and Bipolar 1. I feel like a leach and indeed understand the frustration of seeing younger people more successful than I am. The problem, however, is that I have a brain that cannot navigate its way around properly to be a successful lawyer, doctor, or of the like. They are always doing something different. I have a terrible memory and generally the things they do are the direct opposite of routine which I require to be successful. So I would be processing the information too slowly to keep up. There is truly nothing differently I could have done. I've concluded that they are in the position for a reason and that is because they have a brain that can socially navigate and not live off routine.

Be careful what you wish for

So jealous. Specially when I'm feeling bad/depressed.

I have a therapist (sort of) who comes at my place to talk every week. She's nice, but she is my age. And married, two kids, a job she loves, lots of friends, she looks really nice too and she likes to talk about her plans for the weekend.
And how am I supposed to not hate her? I always feel depressed because it's so confronting. I hate it.

And I hate younger people who seem to have already more than I will ever have. Since I'm still getting older, this will probably only get worse.

I too would go to great lengths to get a pill to make me "normal." I don't care if it would make me a different person, I don't like who I am anyway. At least I'd be capable of having a job I could support myself on, able to live completely independently, contribute in some way, not be a burden on anyone but myself. I'd actually have a need to socialize, but I'd also have the means to fulfill it. I'd be able to speak as loudly as I wanted to whenever I wanted to. I probably wouldn't have legs covered in self-harm scars or have gotten ECT that damaged my memory badly enough that I can even forget what's on TV during a commercial break. If I was lucky, I wouldn't have insomnia issues so bad that I'm lucky to get even half an hour of sleep a night without meds and even with meds I don't get enough sleep and am exhausted all the time.

Sorry, I kind of went off topic for the thread. Suffice it to say, I'm jealous of people who can even just live "normal" lives.

I wouldn’t want my Asperger’s to go away, but I’d certainly like to be rid of my other mental health diagnoses.

Since that’s not an option, I can at least be glad that I’m as lucky as I am: fairly healthy, living in times with vaccines and antibiotics, and in a country that values human rights.

Life is good.

Jealousy is not tabboo

But just out of proportion

You don't have to feel only positive emotions

You don't have to think only positive thoughts