Do you feel verbal aggression from others very deeply?

Post Reply New Topic

Verbal aggression/confrontation really upsets me, I mean pretty much devastates me. Even though I try to hold my own in the face of someone starting on me, it leaves me utterly shaken to the core, I can't stop thinking about it, it usually results in tears afterwards (which I have come to realise is my body's way of releasing the stress as I cannot control it even if I try).

I had an incident today, where I had just parked the car and was putting my autistic daughter's coat on, literally was taking a few seconds and then intended locking the car and walking away. A large car honked their horn right behind me and the driver gesticulated at me to move (in England the parking spaces are very tightly packed and small) as I was standing slightly over the line of the space they were entering. I gesticulated towards my daughter to show I had a young child and wouldn't be literally a moment and I was trying to stand out of the way as much as I could already. At this point the driver (who was at least 55 years old) wound down their window and started being snide and sarcastic to me out of nowhere, I replied that I was just putting my daughter's coat on at which point his female passenger (a woman of about fifty) leaned forward effing and blinding at me and calling me a f*****g stupid woman, really yelling at me. I immediately felt very threatened (I am already suffering PTSD since being assaulted more than 2 years ago) but I shouted back and the driver got even more snide and sarcastic. I was trying to lock the car and leave but because I was shaking with stress and must have pressed the lock button on the key too many times it went weird and every time I locked it it would automatically unlock so I couldn't just lock the car and walk away. The driver was making nasty, unprovoked sarcastic comments the whole time towards me. I did call them w*kers at this point because they had verbally attacked me in such an unprovoked manner for no reason and I was very stressed. The driver had the cheek to ask why I was calling him names! To top it all, I had both my children with me, so they didn't care about threatening me and swearing at me in front of my children and my daughter told me they also had a little girl in the car! (I hadn't noticed because I was so shocked about the incident).

I was so scared they were going to key the car that I got my husband who was working nearby to come and photograph their registration number in case they did it, and when we had to return to the car I had to get him to walk us to it in case they were there and started on me again.

In the interim, I was in floods of tears because apart from the fact that this was yet another incident of NTs being s**ts it gave me flashbacks to the incident I am still suffering PTSD from.

I feel really depressed about this happening and my family cannot understand why I am so upset.

Is it just me or do us Aspies feel things like this really deeply? All I want to do now is lock myself away alone in peace and quiet and I feel emotionally utterly drained. I am so sick of being right about NTs and how awful people are, how they can just hate you for no reason and treat you like this.

Yes I feel it the same way, I had severe bullying issues from grade 1 so that may skew my responce to this type of trama, arn't we suppost to be emotionally underdeveloped also? My reaction is to avoid the person forever or as long as possible, I can't help then to relive the incident over and over for along time after the fact and I can't ever really let it go. I go to great lengths to avoid any chance of verbal aggression from anyone.

Yes. It causes me to experience derealization and to feel very uncentered, like the world no longer has a firm foundation. Everything becomes colored with the negative feelings.

That sounds like a truly horrible experience. What a couple of nasty people. I don't know why people can be like that. Best to just put it behind you. There's really nothing you could have done differently. I would have been quite scared of them.

I hate it when people act like that. And it’s not as though you can get used to it.
I was raised by an aggressive jerk, and later married to one and,
if one could get over it, I would have by now.

Your jerk today might not have been an NT. There’ a lot of crazy people out there.
They come in all shapes, sizes and shades.

Or he could have been some kind of temporary crazy.
For some reason, some people think that “having a bad day” is an excuse for bad behavior.
If you looked like an easy target, that’s all they need to know.

I either over or under react to verbal aggression. At my former workplace two of my immediate co-workers regularly found their way to insult me by various slighting or mistreatment. Such people don't deserve your respect, keep away from them as far as you can. Next time you'll see the same happening to you at the parking lot (or similar places) tell them right away they should be ashamed of themselves.

..this is part of this thing I have again, where I can never quite believe that adults (especially ones in their fifties) can behave in this way. It shocks me to the core. I seem to have something stamped on my forehead that says "insult me", "attack me", "be aggressive with me".

I've had this same pattern throughout my life, and I have never done anything to anyone to deserve it, it's always unprovoked, and it's often as if you can feel the hatred coming off these evil people.

I think that it's easy for people to pick us out for harassment. I'm not sure why, but I have the same problem. It just continues to get worse after the incident because people seem to get angry because I'm so upset over it. I've noticed in dealing with people I see regularly at work or at family stuff that some people look for someone they can treat badly who will not be able to gain the upper hand in the exchange. At my job, one of my coworkers and I are constantly getting crapped on because everyone knows that we will crumple quickly. I usually get caught off-guard at first because people say things that are so shocking and seemingly out of nowhere. Plus, I cry way too much.

Yes, I often go away and think of what I should have said. I get so emotional and people use that against you. I've burst into tears at work before because of someone's nastiness. I hate doing it, I feel like it's a weakness and I wish I didn't do it, but I get such a deep shock from people being so nasty to me (and if I'd done anything to deserve it I would know it was a little more justified and would be at least expecting it) out of the blue and it really hurts. I wish I could not get taken by surprise by it and feel it so deeply.

Whirlingmind, I have just ordered you a new shiny suit of mental armour, to be delivered tomorrow morning. Put it on when ever needed and just let the verbal assaults of morons like these bounce off.

Aww. Would be nice if something like this existed wouldn't it. A trick we could use to armour our defences up against as*holes.

I just don't get what is inside peoples' heads, don't they feel shame, embarrassment, just plain wrong!

I really am on the wrong planet.

Try it on for size. Power of positive thought..............

The funny thing is, I am on anti-anxiety tablets, and they have been good at making me feel a bit more positive anyway, and with the improvement in the weather too. But then idiots come along and take it all away.

Afraid you can't get rid of the idiots but you can defend yourself from their expirated cr*p.

Keep your armour nice and shiny, nothing sticks, nothing gets through.