Tired of Therapists Saying They "Like Hearing My Voice" Etc.

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As some of you may recall, a while ago I decided to give up talking and go semi-verbal in an effort to conserve some of my social energy. This has been harder than I expected, partly because it would take more effort to explain to my family what I'm doing and fending off their "it's all about me and I'm annoyed/offended/confused as to why you're not talking", and partly because my therapists, in an effort to be kind and encouraging, keep saying things like, "I like getting to hear your voice, I'm so glad when you talk to me," etc. This puts pressure on me to use my voice when it would be much easier to just write. I'm so tired of talking, I keep getting these grim fantasies in which something traumatic happens so I have an excuse to just go mute. I hate myself for having these thoughts, and I don't know what to do, I'm just so tired all the time. I also don't think going silent at work would do me any favours. I don't really have to say a lot to people since all I'm doing is returning their dogs to them at the end of each day and taking their money, but even this small stupid stuff seems overly important to NTs.

Family members taking things personally are the worst! We needed to go through a few major fights before my husband's parents kind of accepted my need for alone time... they probably still hate me but I don't care. I do my best not to hurt them and for a reward, I expect to be left alone.
Now I'm going through a big project of withdrawing from family holidays. Oh, that's something. Not close to going semi-verbal but still a lot in this family.

It seems your therapists completely miss the point. Are they trying to make you less autistic instead of a happier autistic?

You sit in a therapist's office, but ...want to just sit there and not talk?

Then how is it therapy, and not you just being a potted planet for the said therapist to just water and babysit if you don't say anything during the session?

You cant talk to a therapist for fifty minutes once a week?

I mean not talk, not not communicate. I obviously have other ways of expressing myself, including the talker app on my ipad and a mini writing board. I want to communicate, it's doing it with my voice that's the exhausting part.

Also, I have seven different therapists, so it's not 50 minutes once a week, it's 50 minutes to two hours five days a week.

What are the seven different therapists for, if you don't mind me asking?

Remind the therapists that the purpose is communication and being a happy autistic, not speech and somehow becoming non autistic. Becoming non autistic is not possible, and encouraging speech over communication is ableist.

I would tell the therapists that they are being rude and condescending as well as causing you harm by pressuring you to speak when you are not able to because of energy management issues. You are paying them to provide you a service and to have your needs met. They need to understand this. There is no reason at all why they need to force you to verbalize or say condescending things about it. If I don't want to speak for any reason at all, and it does not matter what my reason is, my therapists and case worker immediately pull out a pad and pen for me and they totally support me in my right to not have to use verbal speech. I don't even have tell them. I just do a hand gesture of writing on a pad and they understand and respect my need. They know that verbal speech can be challenging for us and they know that we don't need it to communicate effectively. Your therapists need to do the same for you also. There is nothing more about it. They have to be able to accommodate that if you want it.

As far as family goes, that is more difficult. You have to have the courage to stand your ground.

The fastest and least energy consuming way to communicate with a person in the same room with you is through the spoken word. So I don't understand what you're talking about.

In the OP's defense, speech & writing work on different parts of the brain. Maybe the writing side is faster. I know I find it easier to write than talk--but that doesn't stop me from talking, as I talk too much.

OP might be under stress from having all those therapists. I know I would be. It should work out, I hope.

"Ableist". Correct, yes, understood.

And I am autistic too

However sometimes it is a good thing to practice essential life skills.

have been sent to more than one therapist over the years growing up. If I like the therapist then its hard for me to stop talking.

But I did have a break down in communication with an individual (a former friend who refuses to talk to me now) who doesn't have a home computer - If we had been talking via email it might have gone differently. The kinds of things we were talking about might have gone better via text, and prose, rather talking in real time ( especially talking in real time in the fast passed volunteer job type situation we are in) So I admit that there are situations in which text might be better. But that was a rare occurrence. And this person was not a therapist.

Its just that I cant grasp it. Talking per se is not energy consuming for me (though socializing can be). And if its a therapist and they are good- then they should be easy to talk to. And it shouldn't be energy consuming to talk to them. And saying "I like hearing the sound of your voice" maybe literal. A therapist may want to hear the emotion in your voice, and not just hear your words.

It takes a HUGE amount of energy for some of us to have spoken communication. It can drain us to the point of complete incapacition. The mental overload can literally make us physically collapse.

Last edited by skibum on 29 Nov 2019, 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I disagree. It is good to practice essential life skills but not to the point of destruction. I had the same conversation with my chiropractor and with an OVR counselor who insisted that I should be pushed out of my comfort zone. I explained to them that a lot of the time, like today and yesterday for example, just the act of staying conscious was pushing me so far out of my comfort zone that I could barely manage it. We are not lazy people. If we choose not to speak or do something it is because it just takes way too much out of us. If we were to choose to do it, we would not be able to do something else. For me, it can sometimes be choosing whether to speak or to stay conscious. It is literally that serious sometimes. Therapy sessions are supposed to be safe places. We should never feel threatened by our therapists.

Talk therapy
Occupational Therapy
Group Therapy/Social Skills
Speech Therapy
Equine Therapy
Life Coaching
Art Therapy

Maybe that's true for most people, and maybe it's true for you, but for me, writing and pictures are the fastest and easiest way to try and communicate what I'm thinking and feeling. I describe it as having spoken English as a second language; you have to think of what you want to say, translate it from your native language into English, then say it, making sure you get all the words in the right order, with the right pronunciation, etc. I translate mental images into spoken words in this same way, and sometimes my translator gets stuck and won't give me the word for what I'm thinking. Writing is easier than speaking because written words are a symbols/images in and of themselves. It's still a translation, but a much easier one with a much smaller gap to jump.

Many times even the act of physically producing words exhausts me because my mouth and tongue won't cooperate, like someone has literally tied a knot in my tongue. I know what I want to say, but I can't produce the speech.

The insurance only provides me two years of talk therapy.

Of course you have a different insurance than me and live in a different country

The regional center won't provide services either