Organization/Focus/Dealing with mundane stuff
Hello again all,
It's been awhile since I've posted to this board. But, in any case, I'm back.
Anyway, I was wondering what strategies you have for coping with organization and focus. As a bit of a background, I'm 36, was never diagnosed until my mid-30s, and managed to get through college and grad school (although it did take me 12 years to get my PhD). I'm happily married, and held down a job until recently, and I'm now attempting to go into business for myself.
My biggest problem in life is that I have always been accused (generally accurately) of being forgetful and disorganized. Like many Aspies, I have an exceptional memory for facts, and I remember all sorts of details of events which happened to me in the past. I can remember whole conversations verbatim (as I'm sure many of you can), and could probably name every kid in the school orchestra my freshman year in high school. But I can't remember what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. When I was a kid, I would forget to do my homework. I'd forget chores and stupid duties. Before I switched to automatic bill pay, my utilities were constantly being shut off because I would forget to pay my bills. I'm a chronic procrastinator, and seem to work better under pressure, but that often doesn't work well when dealing with others.
I can't do long-range planning to save my life, and I always forget details of things. I once nearly got fired from a job because I would forget important details, and I wouldn't document other things.
None of the "normal" solutions people have proposed to me over the years worked. When I was a kid, my mom got me a planner, but I ended up using it to write poetry in class instead of writing down my assignments, and I ultimately lost the thing. I've tried computer programs and phone apps, but I forget to use them. I often feel like my brain is so full of stuff I care about - writing music, reading about languages and history, brewing beer - that I just don't have room for the day-to-day stuff.
At the same time, I'm really sick of people thinking I'm flaky, lazy, or unprofessional. I've been called all of those things my entire life, and I can't have it holding me back. I really want to have a go at trying to run my own business, which I know depends upon being able to handle this stuff. I know some Aspies are incredibly detail-oriented (and I can be, as well - at least where hard facts or my special interests are concerned), but for those of you who struggle with these issues, how do you deal?
This is where my "routines" kick in. I am so absent-minded that I sometimes have to talk myself through taking a shower.
Also, although it drives my husband crazy, I like to leave important items out where I can see them. If I put the bills away in a drawer, the dining room table looks neater, but the bills will be forgotten about. The same thing goes for personal items. If I put my purse in a different place besides on top of the dryer or right inside the bedroom door, it might as well cease to exist. IF I don't have a chance to get to either one of those places right when I come home, I'll carry it around with me until I can put it where it goes.
_________________
"Lonely is as lonely does.
Lonely is an eyesore."
I do that, too! It's one of my coping mechanisms, and one of the few things that works for me. It drives my wife crazy as well. I need to have everything out where I can see it, otherwise it might as well not exist. It also used to drive my former co-workers crazy.
Lists. Lots of lists. Just for example, I keep a list of what I need to get the next time I go to the store and add to it every time something runs out or is consumed. I also have long-range lists in computer files going years into the future. I also make lists for projects, both the stuff I need to get (like tax season when people start sending me random forms) and what I need to do (checklist).
It's been awhile since I've posted to this board. But, in any case, I'm back.
Anyway, I was wondering what strategies you have for coping with organization and focus. As a bit of a background, I'm 36, was never diagnosed until my mid-30s, and managed to get through college and grad school (although it did take me 12 years to get my PhD). I'm happily married, and held down a job until recently, and I'm now attempting to go into business for myself.
My biggest problem in life is that I have always been accused (generally accurately) of being forgetful and disorganized. Like many Aspies, I have an exceptional memory for facts, and I remember all sorts of details of events which happened to me in the past. I can remember whole conversations verbatim (as I'm sure many of you can), and could probably name every kid in the school orchestra my freshman year in high school. But I can't remember what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. When I was a kid, I would forget to do my homework. I'd forget chores and stupid duties. Before I switched to automatic bill pay, my utilities were constantly being shut off because I would forget to pay my bills. I'm a chronic procrastinator, and seem to work better under pressure, but that often doesn't work well when dealing with others.
I can't do long-range planning to save my life, and I always forget details of things. I once nearly got fired from a job because I would forget important details, and I wouldn't document other things.
None of the "normal" solutions people have proposed to me over the years worked. When I was a kid, my mom got me a planner, but I ended up using it to write poetry in class instead of writing down my assignments, and I ultimately lost the thing. I've tried computer programs and phone apps, but I forget to use them. I often feel like my brain is so full of stuff I care about - writing music, reading about languages and history, brewing beer - that I just don't have room for the day-to-day stuff.
At the same time, I'm really sick of people thinking I'm flaky, lazy, or unprofessional. I've been called all of those things my entire life, and I can't have it holding me back. I really want to have a go at trying to run my own business, which I know depends upon being able to handle this stuff. I know some Aspies are incredibly detail-oriented (and I can be, as well - at least where hard facts or my special interests are concerned), but for those of you who struggle with these issues, how do you deal?
Could there be some executive functioning disorder? depression?ADD? involved in your difficulties?
Could there be some executive functioning disorder? depression?ADD? involved in your difficulties?[/quote]
I'm sure one or more of the above is present. One issue I've run into in the past is stuff like that is really hard to diagnose in seemingly well-adjusted adults. I'm 36, married, have a graduate degree and have successfully held down jobs. This stuff, frustrating as it is for me and everyone around me, isn't immediately obvious to the mental health people I've dealt with in the past, although it inevitably comes up at some point, the degree to which it can (at times - some times I deal better with it than others) become a problem isn't always apparent enough to get a definitive diagnosis.
Mostly, right now, I'm just looking for suggestions.
It's been awhile since I've posted to this board. But, in any case, I'm back.
Anyway, I was wondering what strategies you have for coping with organization and focus. As a bit of a background, I'm 36, was never diagnosed until my mid-30s, and managed to get through college and grad school (although it did take me 12 years to get my PhD). I'm happily married, and held down a job until recently, and I'm now attempting to go into business for myself.
My biggest problem in life is that I have always been accused (generally accurately) of being forgetful and disorganized. Like many Aspies, I have an exceptional memory for facts, and I remember all sorts of details of events which happened to me in the past. I can remember whole conversations verbatim (as I'm sure many of you can), and could probably name every kid in the school orchestra my freshman year in high school. But I can't remember what I'm supposed to do tomorrow. When I was a kid, I would forget to do my homework. I'd forget chores and stupid duties. Before I switched to automatic bill pay, my utilities were constantly being shut off because I would forget to pay my bills. I'm a chronic procrastinator, and seem to work better under pressure, but that often doesn't work well when dealing with others.
I can't do long-range planning to save my life, and I always forget details of things. I once nearly got fired from a job because I would forget important details, and I wouldn't document other things.
None of the "normal" solutions people have proposed to me over the years worked. When I was a kid, my mom got me a planner, but I ended up using it to write poetry in class instead of writing down my assignments, and I ultimately lost the thing. I've tried computer programs and phone apps, but I forget to use them. I often feel like my brain is so full of stuff I care about - writing music, reading about languages and history, brewing beer - that I just don't have room for the day-to-day stuff.
At the same time, I'm really sick of people thinking I'm flaky, lazy, or unprofessional. I've been called all of those things my entire life, and I can't have it holding me back. I really want to have a go at trying to run my own business, which I know depends upon being able to handle this stuff. I know some Aspies are incredibly detail-oriented (and I can be, as well - at least where hard facts or my special interests are concerned), but for those of you who struggle with these issues, how do you deal?
Hi, thanks for essentially summing up my existence.
I don't find to-do lists work for me because I'll make a list, set it aside, and forget it. Instead, I go for visual reminders of sorts. If I need to respond to an email, I leave it unread because the unread mail badge on my computer screen will taunt me until I deal with it. If I need to mail a letter, I put it somewhere obvious where I'm not going to miss it. If I need to run an errand or something, I'll draw something on my hand with a pen--basically, it's the old string-around-the-finger reminder.
One of the best purchases I ever made was a whiteboard (bought for another purpose originally). It's three by four feet and hangs on my home office wall, and I have a list I printed up of everyone's tasks for each day of the week I keep next to it. I only have one thing to remember: to copy the day's lists to the board in the morning. Copying it starts me thinking about the day, which helps give me the momentum to actually do the stuff on the list. That's how I keep a household of six (four of us on the spectrum) in some kind of order. It sounds kind of stupid, but it has worked quite well for a couple years now, and as an added bonus the kids are a lot more willing to do their chores when they see them on there.
For a while I kept spreadsheets of the household's budget, but now I have it all memorized. Bills get emailed to me, and I do check my email so that works well enough, plus going through the mail and dealing with it immediately is now one of my daily chores. I find, in general, if I make a habit of doing something every day (whether it needs doing or not), it works better than just trying to notice when it needs doing.
A thing i've found useful is remembering things with strange mental images. For example, if I need to remember to pick up some milk next time i'm shopping, i'll imagine something like holding a bottle of milk way above my head. It needs to be a little weird to go in to the memory vault, so the more creative you can be with it, the better.
One I used today was imagining a tree wrapped up in bandages, to remember I had a group meeting at 3:30 (Tree 'hurty'). .
I love this idea! I just sent my wife an email informing her that I need a whiteboard, and that it needs to be big and placed in a really obvious location.
Honestly, thank you so much for this suggestion! I've tried so many things (lists, spreadsheets, reminder apps), that haven't really worked for me, and honestly to the degree that I've gotten by so far, it's been a combination of leaving things on the coffee table, sending myself email reminders, and just relying on my own memory.
But the whiteboard - that's something I think could help.
For a while I kept spreadsheets of the household's budget, but now I have it all memorized. Bills get emailed to me, and I do check my email so that works well enough, plus going through the mail and dealing with it immediately is now one of my daily chores. I find, in general, if I make a habit of doing something every day (whether it needs doing or not), it works better than just trying to notice when it needs doing.
I pulled up this thread after using the search function looking for organization tips, I know it is a few years old, but whatever. I like when I get to hear about you guys having the same problems that I do (not that I want you to suffer this frustration). I am trying to work on consistent routines. The family organization ideas at flylady.net are a help to me, though I don't grasp them as quickly as some members do. But my trouble is figuring out big-picture prioritization and organization at work.
Guys? Is forgetting things unless they're in plain sight and being disorganized a common Aspie trait, or is it just something some people have in common (both on the spectrum and NT) ?
So much of this sounds like me...
_________________
AQ 31
Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".
But...
The dates on the other posts all say "2013". "A few years old"?
You're confusing me.
_________________
AQ 31
Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits
What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".
A visual chore chart in an area you hang around in often.
Write the thing you need to do as soon as you know it on a post-it note, stick it up in your designated area. It will always be there for you to see until you actually do it. Then enjoy the satisfaction of removing it.
It has taken me years to come up with this! lol
I also have permanent cards that I made that I put on hooks, for every day chores, all broken down into small steps. I move them from one hook to the "done" hook each day, then reset it the next morning.
I have mine on a wall in the kitchen as I tend to "hover" there a lot.
I enjoy being able to remember stuff now and I gain energy from it.
I have always had major executive functioning issues and also struggled to get through University (I was undiagnosed at the time).
_________________
"Reality is an illusion of the construct of our brains"
"They cannot take away our Self Respect if we do not give it to them" - Gandhi
http://www.facebook.com/TheAspieCoach (Life Coaching for Aspies)
daydreamer84
Veteran
Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world
So much of this sounds like me...
According to books I've read about ASD , people with ASD tend to be one of the two extremes when it comes to organization: hyper-organized or extremely disorganized. NTs can be either of these things or somewhere in between. I guess there are just fewer in between aspies. The poor short term memory /attention problems might be an executive functioning issue which is common but not universal in ASD and is also common in many other disorders.
Anyway, I'm really disorganized and absent minded.
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