Selective mutism? Worse with a boyfriend.

Post Reply New Topic

Can you sometimes talk to one person but someone else comes along and you are silent?

I've had this problem for a long time but have learnt ways of masking it but it's still there.

Wondered if anyone found it more difficult if they are with a boyfriend / girlfriend. When I had a boyfriend the problem became worse and I ended up drawing attention to myself and people commented on it which made me even more mute!

Many times if i am having a conversation with someone i have not talked to in a while and then i see someone about to come
over and talk to them i would often go mute but i have not been with someone when it happens im usually by myself when it does occur.

Still happens to me because talking to two people makes me feel a little anxious.

Yup. Sometimes I'll be walking with a friend or something talking. Then when crossing paths with a stranger, I'll shut up until they are out of earshot range.

I'm not sure why it happens if it's social anxiety or something else?

It's quite common with AS from what I've read. I have it. I clam up all the time along those lines.

Count your blessings!
Most of the time I wish I could shut up.

but really, that must be very hard and frustrating to want to say something and not.

I'm still a bit envious though.

I have to respond to this:

No NOT REALLY a blessing, for anyone who has a challenge with this, it is a nightmare that one wakes up to everyday. You will be labled with names such as: cold, stuck-up, rude, stupid, what's wrong with her, dry. (For those of you who understand spanish, the equivelent is mosca muerta, mala-fe y seca). These are just a few. As a child you can just imagine the struggles these bring on the later years.
When you live in a culture that values you being outspoken and to be lively, this can be extremely difficult.
The road is paved with broken relationships and friendships that never reach the next level. You feel shattered as a human being.
No not a blessing indeed. A blessing is when one can control our speech. Not too much, not too little!! !

This is my two pennies worth.

I think your boyfriend should know why you are often quiet; and the two of you should work on ways to be together that don't require talking. Maybe, being a guy, he'll be glad that he doesn't have to chatter away all the time; guys talk somewhat less than girls, though I don't know if that's cultural or a brain thing. Probably a bit of both.

Just explain that sometimes it's tiring for you to talk, and you'd just like to be with him without talking much. You could do things together, like watching a movie or going on a walk, or doing something that you are both interested in (do you like video games? They require very little talking).

Don't worry about forcing yourself to talk. In my experience, the more you force yourself, the harder it gets. Communication is more important than speech anyway. Heck, if you wanted to, you could sit next to each other and send text messages. Quirky and weird, but in this digital age entirely common.

Just spend time together. After all, the closest couples can learn to understand each other without having to say a word. And just because you are autistic doesn't mean you can't learn body language. Many of us can, and do, learn body language easily, and can read it quite well when we aren't being forced to multi-task it with listening and speaking.