Looks & Personality

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Been pondering for a while on the following: looks & personality.
When asked which is more important, I have observed that those who respond with the former are deemed shallow, while those who respond with the latter are applauded for having their priorities straight. I am here concerned with what I perceive to be fundamental similarities between the two:

Both are mostly determined by exterior factors, & both are manipulated by the individual.

Which is to say that while one may be born looking a certain way, one can do much to alter how others perceive them - for example: the application of make-up, surgery, selection of clothing, the distribution of photographs that portray the subject in a flattering manner. Likewise, while one is born with & later develops certain personality traits, one can carefully control their behavior - I believe all of human interaction can be taken as an example here.

Therefore, can the same rules be applied to personality as looks. Is it shallow to favor the subject's personality when it is probable that they have tampered with it to impress, if not you, then anyone who may be observing.

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People play to their strengths

Both are attributes that can be manipulated and improved and people will often judge others when they feel stronger on the one than the other.

I'm stronger on personality and intelligence so can be judgmental of people I find lesser on those aspects whereas I don't like being judged on looks as I don't feel that secure in how I look. The opposite will probably be true for a very attractive person ie they will be more likely to judge on looks but be less secure on personality. Obviously there's also the lucky people who are strong on both but most people are usually stronger on one than the other - looks or personality.

Yes it is, con artists use this to create a personality and get what they want from people.

"Depth/Shallowness" is a meaningless subjective concept in which simple and obvious properties of objects/people are given less value than complex and obscure properties.

Since personality is generally regarded as a more complex and obscure property than appearence, then judging someone based on personality is considered less "shallow" than going off their looks.

You are pointing out that personality is in fact not very complex and obscure, because it is largely shaped by society, it does not vary much from person to person, and is often faked in order to allow a person to fit in.

I think you may be right there.

That's an interesting point. People do groom their personalities. In fact, there are only a few core traits that persist past childhood and the rest are largely malleable. (One trait that is known to persist from childhood is the propensity to neatness or sloppiness, which seems to be intrinsic to one's personality). Personalities may not change a whole lot, but how the personality is presented can.

I should think others are attracted to beautiful personalities as they are to beautiful looks, albeit not in the same way. I have been tricked by those who have outwardly 'nice' personalities, only to learn later (usually the hard way!), it is superficial or even contrived. Seems personality traits may not be as easily disguised as physical characteristics. As you posted, people can wear make-up that can hide less desirable features. Ex: mascara can make any woman's eyelashes look thick. Kind of disturbing to think certain people would conceal certain traits, but I'm sure they do.

Then there are positive ways to augment one's personality, especially education or travel. Even learning manners, to an extent.

In order to get to know someone's personality you have to talk to them first. People usually approach a stranger based on looks. So, without some amount of good looks, even the best personality won't be all that much help.

Oh no, all the people without your good looks had better jump off the nearest cliff then - they're doomed!

Listen here, I never said I was good looking. In fact, I've said a million times that I'm no beauty queen, I'm way down in the pecking order when it comes to looks. Just what is your problem with me anyway? If it bothers you that I have some self confidence or that I stand up for myself or that I've actually developed a personality that some people like and that maybe I have friends and go places and do things, then you're gonna have to just get over that or let it bother you - either one is fine.

I never ever said I was good looking. I simply pointed out that people make decisions about who to talk to and get to know based on looks. While not every one is going around looking to talk to the hottest one in the room, nobody is going to go talk to the elephant man either. That was my point. People don't have to be hot, or even really good looking to get attention, but I would definitely say that if they look like they take care of themselves and care what they look like and make an effort then that's going to get them more people to talk to than the person who hasn't washed or brushed their hair, the girl who goes out to a nice place in ill fitting, tacky clothes and no makeup, of the one who has so little self confidence that they are sitting there looking at their feet and trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. You have to make an effort.

Also, one other important thing is that most people just don't go for somebody who is constantly so very negative. Somebody who takes everything that anyone else ever says or does as a personal affront and someone who actually gets offended over the fact that other people manage to be happy. While nobody expects others to constantly be little Miss Sunshine, and that can actually be pretty damn annoying, nobody likes little Miss Death Crow either.

So, I never said I was good looking so where did you get that from and what's your problem with me anyway?

Looks help in the short term whilst personality helps in the long term when it comes to meeting people. So if you like someone only for their looks but don't get on with their personality you're going to clash later on and someone is going to end up disappointed. Whereas if you can look past the looks and focus on personality you will last much longer with them.

... just... wow...

I think looks are in meny ways part of your overall personality and while your born with your looks much of your general apperance can be and is altered artifically. Some people value looks and some value other parts of ones personality as I have found. I still struggle at both, although some people say I look great yet I still struggle to get on with them becouse of ther issues in my personality, likewise some people really hate my apperance yet do like something about my personality anyway. I don't think the issue can be broken down that simple so for that reason I can't really have a clear anwser, I hope my post has value anyway.

I dunno if looks and personality are in anyway linked... I am homely as a mules butt (i know, i've been told that), but there is a magnetism that draws people to me... it might be force of personality...

I have noticed that Aspies tend to elicit either a love or hate reaction from people.

I think you're very cute!

Say what you will nessa.

However just about every study on the subject of approaching others says that there has to be something that makes the person thats being approached stand out from others(plenty of people, you could theoretically approach someone else).

Quite sadly the thing that makes somebody stand out over 90% of the times its looks.
As in: people approach those with similar looks(clothing and so on is considered on this one) because the feel that they may get along better with them.


You´d be surprised how people that have been around me for a long time change the way they treat me when I change my clothing/ let go my hair

OliveOilMom is right (because she always is and Feralucce, you are too cute - a teddy bear). I know what she meant.

But in all sincerity, we'd be naïve to think that good looks do not attract others. Personality is what lasts. Someone who takes care of themselves will be more noticeable than another. From the original post, the same goes for personality. I can be ambivalent, sometimes even oblivious, to another's persona, but who isn't attracted to a nice smile, a friendly 'hi' and sincerity? The same person in a bad mood is unreceptive and can be unlikeable. I see so many Aspies who try so hard, and that totally counts!! ! I'd love to meet anyone who is that nice.

I thought nessa was just being silly. Silly me. P. S. I tend to avoid good-looking people. I am biased against them. Don't think they're stupid or shallow, but intimidating.