Anxious thinking? Asperger's? Nervous about another

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

beneficii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,245

31 May 2013, 10:14 pm

OK, I'm a trans woman who doesn't pass very well and I'm actually in the process of detransitioning back to being a man.

For April, I stayed at the home of a sweet old lady who let me stay for low rent. As time went on though I found myself getting incredibly nervous around her, and I started thinking, Why is she letting me stay here? Were I in her position, I wouldn't expose myself to the danger a man (and yes I look like a man!) would pose to her. It just didn't add up for me, and it seemed to make me even more nervous around her. It was like every time I was around her, the risk I was should have become apparent to her, and it's like I took on the nervousness I felt she should have exhibited. Anyway, I was glad to get out of there.

Has anyone else had this? Is this an aspie thing, or is this just a sense that something is wrong with the whole arrangement type thing?



redrobin62
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

31 May 2013, 10:29 pm

What's so bad about you that makes you cautious about yourself? Do you think you have the potential to be violent? Are you wracked by sociopathic thoughts? Are those the demons in your closet?



1401b
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 May 2012
Age: 125
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,590

31 May 2013, 10:50 pm

Projection of Propriety ALWAYS gets me into anxiety/trouble.
She obviously knew what she was doing.
She obviously could read you like a book
She'd have been MURDERED by someone else years ago, if she was really that dumb.

You didn't trust her to take care of herself.
You must have REALLY cared about her to get so upset over her safety even though is was just you.
I'd say that alone proves she was right about you all along. =)
She really was safe...


_________________
(14.01.b) cogito ergo sum confusus


beneficii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,245

01 Jun 2013, 3:29 am

redrobin62 wrote:
What's so bad about you that makes you cautious about yourself? Do you think you have the potential to be violent? Are you wracked by sociopathic thoughts? Are those the demons in your closet?


No. Rather it's like, as far as the other person is concerned, I could be.



beneficii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,245

01 Jun 2013, 6:01 am

1401b wrote:
Projection of Propriety ALWAYS gets me into anxiety/trouble.
She obviously knew what she was doing.
She obviously could read you like a book
She'd have been MURDERED by someone else years ago, if she was really that dumb.

You didn't trust her to take care of herself.
You must have REALLY cared about her to get so upset over her safety even though is was just you.
I'd say that alone proves she was right about you all along. =)
She really was safe...


I guess that's reassuring. :)



beneficii
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,245

01 Jun 2013, 12:58 pm

Thinking about it more, I've noticed this in a lot of social situations, and it may be part of why I don't persist, why I end up being a 3-day monk with regards to social interactions. I get all these things where I start anticipating and taking the other's perspective and my perspective fails to shine through so I start to dislike these interactions and everything gets all convoluted as I have difficulty with all the back and forth and anticipating and stuff, so I just walk away from it.

It's the same with this. I take on the lady's perspective and imbue it with my own stuff, such that I feel nervous for her whenever I'm around her, as though I could take advantage of her at any time, and my own perspective is blocked, the perspective of not having any intention of doing anything like that, so there is no reason from my perspective for her to be nervous at all around me. That latter perspective is diminished relative to the former. I then started to dread interacting with her, holing myself up in my room, neglecting my hygiene because I could run into her, wincing whenever she calls my name, etc. When I finally have to like go to the bathroom I try to be as unobtrusive as possible. When she kicked me out for moving a sometimes vicious dog from the bathroom to another room, I felt relieved. I'm staying with my parents but move into my new place by myself tomorrow, which will help, I think.

EDIT: And just after posting this, I engaged in a confident work-related conversation with a supervisor regarding a metaphorical fire that needed to be put out. Part of my job is putting out fires and, with support from my coworkers, I can usually put them out just fine. :)