When people start to dislike you, is it gradual or sudden?

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I've had the experience of people liking me at first (it seemed), then slowly seeming to like me less by way of subtle signs. There was one teacher in college who, for example, had a very warm, supportive voice when talking to me about my projects (on occasion, after class, I would seek help or clarification). Then, gradually over months, his voice grew colder and he also gave less eye-contact in class. I wasn't attracted to him but looked up to him - if he liked me, I felt validated... It became so uncomfortable I dropped out of the class before the semester was over.

Of course, it is possible it had nothing to do with me at all, but it seemed he was friendlier to the other students towards the end.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever felt people started to dislike you; if so, was it a gradual change or sudden? What, if any, were the signs?

I am much older then you I am working not in school.


Yes I think we have all had this happen.

I never seen it coming there may have been signs but I missed them.

The fact that you are so aware of this so early in your life is good.

You are also in the right place for great advice.

Usually, gradual. People disliking me is almost always preceded by me deciding I don't like them. The attitude sort of bleeds over.

I've experienced this with instructors, also. In fact, I've experienced this in all aspects of my life. The signs are subtle, but I still pick up on them. Like you said, less eye contact, and they seem more receptive to other students. You could almost say they seem a bit annoyed when I'm around. I don't know if it's because I said the wrong thing, or because I don't say enough, or maybe because, in spite of being appropriate and polite, I'm not cool enough, but yes, I've experienced this. I wish I could help you with some insight as to WHY this happens, because that's what I feel I need, but I haven't figured it out.

And to answer your question, it usually seems a little more gradual, but there is a point where it becomes kinda obvious.

I guess, with me, it's been gradual. People usually like me in the beginning, but over time, they become my judge. Family members, too. Thinking about all this Asperger's stuff now, I'm surprised I was in a band for 2 and a half years. My focus was always on the music and not on the socializing aspect, so maybe that's why. Eventually, thought, it went to s**t.

I had a professor I looked up to. I went to her office daily to chat up psychology research she had a PhD in psychology and was teaching me psychology IMO why not! I then found out into the next semester when I was suspended for another issue that she thought that I "crossed the teacher student line and needed a psychological evaluation before returning on campus." I was shocked she fealt this way. My friend has mention perhaps her perky niceness was pregnancy hormones and when she leveled out the begging on the new semester she found me "Creepy" I guess sadly I'll never know.

Yet while I sometimes believe she had her reasons "what logical reasons I don't exactly know" she wasn't without her issues. When confronted on a keychain of a male she said no that's a student not her husband. UH?! A keychain with a pic. of a fellow student on it seems fishy. Also she would ask if anyone needed psychologial help since she didn't have any clients. UH again fishy. Yet I WAS THE ONE WITH A PROBLEM??! !! !! !

I have since met a new professor but am unable to get to the campus she attends so do classes online. I am excited to have her once again in the Fall though.

In psychological terms, the first 20-30 seconds of two people meeting each other dedicates how strong their bond will be. This might explain why someone showed no interest after the introduction period. You might came off as awkward thus the person got a weird vibe and didn't feel a connection. This is not always the case. A bond can form anytime. I think this is what we what we lack. We actually don't know what to think of people during this 20-30 second period. It takes me longer to form a bond or opinion of people.

Well, sometimes it's gradual and I can see the person slowly acting differently towards me (tone of voice changes ect) before they get really pissed off at me or don't want to speak to me any more. Other times it has seemed really sudden. Sometimes a person just goes from really friendly and happy to speak with me to really annoyed/pissed off. In the latter case I suppose I'm either not paying attention and miss the signs or am unable to read them.

I think it's gradual sometimes and sudden sometimes. I usually have to work out whether or not it was gradual as I usually do not notice until they actively express dislike. Sometimes, they give reasons over time, but if I was aware of those things when they happened I would have done things differently.

Likely alot like daydreamer said, I just miss the subtle and some larger cues so bad that it almost always feels and appears sudden for me, I am never sure about them though.

In my case it's both. Probably 90% of the people around me don't like me. So my life is full of experiences of being disliked.

Some people show very distinct dislike of me pretty much as soon as they meet me for the first time.
Some others seem to be ok with (as opposed to actively liking) me at first, but then after a few interactions it becomes obvious they would rather not have me around.
Still others seem to like me at first, then over time they start showing some signs of not liking me.

The signs they show are: lack of eye contact, lack of cheerfulness when talking with me, not talking to me more than necessary, awkwardness etc.

I would say both too. I've had people dislike me when they see I was not going to mimic them or play their game. It has descended into outright hostility over time. They see my refusal to mimic their social cues as some form of disrespect. If I'm unhappy and not being self aware, negative language and thought patterns can show up and immediately turn people off. I had a situation this week when I only realized after the fact faking a positive pose would have won the day. Instead, my damn honesty totally did me in.

I don't think people dislike me.
I do notice that in groups I am part of, initially people treat me the same as everyone else, but very quickly - usually before the end of the first meeting, they appear to form bonds with each other and not with me. And after a few meetings it's as if I am not part of the group anymore.
I try to change this by talking to individual people in the group and try to ask them questions about their interests, and find things we have in common etc. but it doesn't seem to work. Often they turn away after a few sentences or walk away to talk to other people.

It's incredibly frustrating and most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.
(sometimes I do get it, even if it is only in hindsight - like that time when I explained to a practicing astrologer why astrology was nonsense and couldn't be true... )

Something I've noticed is that people will do things that reflect dislike, but I do not read it as such until something places everything into context, and I realize it was gradual and/or over a period of time. One piece of information can make all the previous behavior make sense.