girly_aspie wrote:
It's really hard sometimes to make myself do things that are really basic for self care like making meals, showering every day, brushing my teeth, washing my face, etc. I really have to force myself to do all that.
I used to cope by having personas in public and at work to get by. It was exhausting and the truth is, I still came across as odd, just a very different sort of odd. I'm trying to be more honest now in the way I present myself and I find I'm a lot less angry at things than I used to be, I think just because I don't have to expend energy forcing myself to "Act normal" all the time. Even when I was "Acting Normal" it didn't work, and I think most people could see that I was faking something anyway, which is embarrassing. I felt like a giant fraud all the time, especially when I would make myself go out and find a boyfriend/girlfriend because I thought having a relationship was something I /should/ do.
I have to force myself, too. It definitely is hard.
I have just realized that the "persona" I have for outside still comes off as off. I had thought that I was doing so well, but my husband just confided in me a few days ago that he has a name for how I act when I am out and about -- "Ms Hollywood Movie Star". Apparently I very much overdo it, smile WAY too largely, enunciate strangely. I had no idea. It's kind of embarrassing, and I'm not really sure what to do about that. I feel like I have to do it at least somewhat, to cope when I am at work, handling customers and trying to be friendly, but I know that I'm still acting somewhat off-putting, and I hate it.
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Your AQ Test Score is: 41 EQ: 17
Aspie score: 148 of 200 NT score: 51 of 200 // RAADS-R: 186