Do people like you better when you're gone or absent?

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I've noticed that people don't seem to like me when I'm around, but as soon as I disappear or they don't see me for a while, they miss me.

But it is not like they really miss me; I've had the unfortunate experience of people hoping to resume contact, but as soon as I do so, they are subtly discouraging.

This continually happens in friendships, the few I'd been able to sustain (and subsequently disintegrated) over the years. It is confusing, because when I finally think the friendship is over, I leave and they draw me back in, but I think it is because people like the idea of being my friend more than actually spending time together (in a few instances they flaked out shortly after resumption of contact)...

I've also noticed that people don't like it when I initiate contact. When people call me, they are very friendly (in the infrequent times this has happened) - but if I happen to call them, it is as if I invaded their space, and maybe they are even a little creeped out..

Do you find that people like you better when you're away, or absent, or not initiating contact? If so, why do you think this is the case? (i'm puzzled)

No, they seem to forget about me completely, instead.

Actually, this happens a lot too, now that I think about it.....

There is a saying:
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

For some people you need to add:
The further the better

    Most everyone can only think of one thing at a time, out of sight, out of mind.
    Multi-tasking is a fiction.
    Try not to take it too personally.

    "familiarity breeds contempt"
this phrase was made long before you. =)

I'm not sure how I would be aware of the correct answer to this question.

I'm going to find out, in another month - returning to work after six months of solitary endeavour.

In past experience, though, one's perceived value in others of closer association increases as one gains distance from them and so the challenge becomes to - well, it's hard to tell. Exploit that somehow for mutual gain? What is this mutual, of which you speak?

I'm in an organisation that's allowed people to be who they are for a long time, so learning about autism has gradually led to greater seclusion. Going back is a chance to change that.

I can't really tell if I'm not around those people.

I'm actually well loved by my peers.

Everybody wants you, only on their own terms. This happens most readily in the imagination.

The only part I take personally is when, after 20 to 30 years of absence, a woman will loudly declare how much she missed me, and how she always liked me, and how she always thought of me, and blah blah blah ...

This is after she's been through at least one husband, at least one child, and who knows how many boyfriends.

She missed me? After 30 years of silence? Go ahead, pull the other one; it's got bells on!

NTs face a dilemma with us aspies. They can't stand us on a regular basis, and they take us (our positive traits) for granted, because we're loyal and therefore "always there". But when used to us and suddenly left without us, they experience the full collision with the "normal" kind of relationships with people, i.e. they're taken aback by the lack of loyalty, the mind-games, and most of all, the betrayal. And they're not used anymore to being without someone like us they can find comfort in. So they sometimes run back to us, or fantasize about doing so, though they know it won't work - for the reasons they left in the first place.

NTs don't enjoy mind-games and betrayal of trust any more than aspies do. The fact that they're able to live with it (while we aren't) doesn't mean they aren't hurt by it.

This may be true with many NTs, but I also think that many NTs engage in mind games for the same reason that people endure a dental deep-cleaning - yes, it's painful, but the results are also to their advantage.

Then again, some folks may play mind games because that's all that they know how to do - they simply don't know how to be direct.

I've had countless instances of people dumping me in the nastiest ways, only to re-appear all of a sudden one day, desperately wanting the friendship back.

Just one example: I remember a guy who was "looking for new friends" when I first met him. We became friends, and he dropped me like a hot potato as soon as he found a group of people he liked and who welcomed him. He was marvelled and blissfully happy to have met these amazing people and integrate this group. I waited patiently. Indeed, it took only a couple months for him to run back to me, in emotional shambles from those "wicked" humans.