Are you unhappy because of other people?

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I feel like the root of my mental anguish is other people. They are either **sholes or flakes. Either can't trust them or they dredge up unnecessary conflict and drama.

I will take partial blame for this, because obviously other people are happy, and they coexist peacefully with others. So I'm obviously doing something wrong...

People either don't like me or they are jerks. Or flakes. I have a hard time trusting people and get paranoid. There must be something about my personality that attracts certain types of difficult people.

Being an Aspie, I suppose I'm not liked well enough by easygoing people that I attract the bottom of the barrel. So on some level, maybe I'm a difficult person, who knows?

However, the bottom line is, my unhappiness is directly caused by not getting along with others.

The feeling of mistrust, it tears up my gut inside. Sometimes I just feel sick. ..

Anyone relate? Are you unhappy because of other people; if so, how does it affect you?

""L'enfer, c'est les autres." -- Jean-Paul Sartre

"The Hell, it is the others." (Literal)

"Hell is other people." (Colloquial)


Yeah ... I'm inclined to agree ...

Yes... because of the mean and nasty ways they act towards me.

I think it's the way most people's minds work. The way you get judged by what you look, dress, like, and act. You even get judged by how you walk. Heck, you even get judged when you are not doing anything at all, just standing there minding your own business and being as normal as can be until nobody can expect any more of you. They just go for the vibes. And I don't know what exactly vibes are, but they do sound a nuisance.

Analogy:-
It's a bit like having a stain on a shirt what you can't get off no matter how much you wash it. The shirt is a very appealing shirt, and is still in shape and is comfortable to wear and looks really nice on you, but this one stain on it just won't come off. It can then put the shirt to shame, and people won't want to wear it any more, even though they still really love the shirt and even may keep it because they don't want to get rid of it. Then somebody who is desperate for clothes or someone who doesn't really care how they look may come along and want to wear it, regardless the stain, or may not even notice the stain, so long as they have a new shirt.

That's how life is with me. I can keep on improving my social skills and wear stylish clothes 'til I'm blue in the face, but these vibes are still visible no matter what, and these vibes make closed-minded people ridicule or humiliate me, and nice people may just acquainte me and just like me because they're nice but not want to actually hang out with me, and I only may attract weird or insecure people if I'm lucky. (Not saying my friends I have got are weird or insecure, but I don't have very many friends at all).
That fits quite well with the analogy I thought of really.

I had a lot of problems with trust issues after my behaviour was consistently used as a prop or running gag by my 'friends', workmates, vindictive teachers, and generally anyone who got frustrated by me being clumsy. I even did the worst thing I could possibly do and act it up a bit to get laughs and attention. And then, when people no longer had any use for me, I was quite spectacularly abandoned or cast aside once they got bored of me (or so it felt, please excuse any wanton melodrama!). Here's what I found helped out with this;

1. Recognise it's as much their problem as your own; If you feel someone's taking advantage of you, then it's most likely an issue with the person themselves. Most often, it's out of their own insecurity of being seen to hang around with the wrong type/personal insecurities that cause them to behave in this way towards you. In the odd case, they genuinely might not have meant it as a slur (NT's often have less rigid perceptions of loyalty, timing ecetra. than many people on the AS spectrum do).

2. Explain fairly early in with a friend that you have Aspergers; It has to be said, this has had a massive impact on my ability to make friendships lately. People have a fear of what they can't understand, and you may get labelled 'weird' or 'creepy' if you act without what fits their definitions of life. Of course, AS disorder has it's own set of unique connotations and prejudices (I got a few of 'Rain Man' references early on) but people will eventually learn to see past your eccentricities to the person underneath them.

3. Find a local group or activity you'd be interested in, and meet like-minded people; This one helped me immensely. The great thing about clubs and societies is that they're regular, scheduled activities, and the people you meet there will almost definitely share similar interests to you

I hope this has been helpful and not too preachy

Oh no, I am unhappy because
A. I'm underemployed.
B. My life isn't going where I want it to.
C. Despite A., I'm too tired most of the time, and my executive functioning sucks, which makes it struggle to remedy B.

Other people don't even come onto my problem radar.

I'm not unhappy because of other people.

I just can't care enough about what people think of me or people in general, therefore I don't feel unhappy because of others.

BTW, I'm not at all unhappy, I'm fairly content with my life at the moment, and have always been. I hardly ever feel really sad.

I suppose so.

It's how I'm not like others that remind me that I'm different...and not in what's seen as a "good" way to be different.

It's like having a trauma in life, but you can't really heal from it if you are reminded of it on a daily basis by the world around you.

I am slowly learning how to get away from the feelings of letting other people bother me. its difficult, the results are far worth it however

I surely can relate. People are really unnecessarily judgmental. That's the problem most of the time. People are so hypocritical. They try to appear fair, liberal etc by talking about diversity, equality etc, but what they are doing is quite the opposite of what they say. They judge and discriminate because you are different. I can't trust them. Of course there are a small number of people who are not like that, but the majority of people unnecessarily try to make life hard for you for being weird/different although your being weird/different is actually harmless.

I agree with some posts above about some (difficult) people receiving some wrong vibes from you and deeming you to be weird, somehow inferior etc and trying to ridicule/ostracize you. Surely there must be something in my personality that puts some (or I should say many) people off, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm a bad person. The actual problem is their judgmental attitude.

Also some people make me unhappy because they make a lot of noise. You get some NTs that make noise on purpose because they're either noisy people or like winding you up, and so do annoying things like yawning loud, stomping up the stairs like a bull, leaving doors open so the noise of people in the house travels all over the house and you can't have any quiet time, and more. And then you get people that kind of practically need loud noise to breathe, like bibbing car horns louder than needed because they want to be heard, thinking motorbikes are great because of the noise, and having a loud motor on their cars to make them look great, and so on. And thankfully there are also NTs out there who also dislike noise to an extent. I like those people.

I'm unhappy because of other people either being mean to me, just being annoyging, or not doing what I want. And then I'm unhappy because of other people who I don't even know yet, but want in my life, by which I mean, I want someone to love me and someone for me to love.

The majority of my issues do, in fact, relate to problems interacting with others however I'm not unhappy. Saying "I'm unhappy because of other people" seems to say that it's a perpetual emotional state of being rather than a passing unpleasant interaction. I refuse to give other people that much power over me. We're all responsible for our own happiness.

Unhappy because of other people? I am currently unhappy now because of other people! I'll have you know that today I have been told by someone to put my headphones in the right socket but when I ended up looking around the room the whole majority users were placing it in the socket I had put mine before! Then I told this single person about a game called happy wheels, straight away I was called a weird young child! I am infact very mature for my age and in no way I am even close to a young child!