Speech/thought issues?

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Can anyone relate to this? And what would be the technical terminology? I can struggle getting my words out,sometimes I say the complete wrong thing. I have long pauses and a lot of ermmmms and completly forget what I was talking about, and at times when they do come out they are times when it's it's what I want to come out. I also can forget the names of basic things like limbs,or something simple during a conversation. When I'm trying to make a conversation flow I find I have to guess what I should say or what comes next. There are times when a conversation flows and I'm trying to play catch up and what I'm saying isn't necessarily what I mean or want to convey but it comes out anyway. I also find I have to think really hard to bring up things that have happened in the past or recently and if someone asks me I can give the incorrect answer or an answer that I have had to patch together hap hazard. It's like conversations are sometimes to fast and I have to try and do the best I can to sound normal. It can feel exhausting. There are many times when everything comes out fine,but the mental effort required to do this is draining and can be stressful. To someone I'm having a conversation with I would seem perfectly fine. I find the Internet is much better as I have time to think and take as long as I like. When it's real world scenarios it's like being in an escalator and I can't go back or wait once it's in motion.

I don't know what the technical term would be but I think I can relate. Perhaps it's a combination of processing issues and anxiety?

I have very similar issues and it makes me very upset and also angry that I can't express myself freely. Don't know if it has a name but processing issues having a role in it makes much sense.

If I'm right about this. From what you wrote. Are you basically saying it's hard for you to say something and for some reason the way you say it people think it means something different and get offensive at it and you weren't trying to at all?

I struggle to take in what others are saying, even when I am making a conscious effort to listen. I remain adamant that I am intellectually challenged as I have a brain that obliterates all forms of information.

It must be unusual to have no playback in one's head, is it not?

Does anyone have more info on this, or like a link to a website describing it? I'm recently diagnosed and people/my family fail to understand that my quietness isn't really a "choice". I usually blank out during conversations, or don't know what to say. It's not anxiety, though it causes anxiety. It's like I'm literally bad at turning thoughts into words in my head which should then be spoken. But people get offended because they think I'm choosing to not talk to them in particular, or choosing not to "open up" about my feelings, when difficulty putting feelings into words is also an autistic trait. I honestly think it's impossible for me to have a conversation, unless it's extremely shallow (which I've learned to do) or I'm very close to someone - and even then it's not a "normal" conversation. Often I can't even recognize when someone's trying to have a conversation or just asking me a question. I'm even surprised how much I stumble over words, or struggle to think, when I need to convey information to someone. If someone (like a counselor) asks me a question about how I feel or what I think, I can only say "I don't know", because in that situation my mind is just blankness. I didn't have a previously thought out response to that, so there's nothing there. It's killed my self esteem and made me hate myself because I bother people by existing as I am.

Something that I experience that is in the same vein as this is a substantial difference I've noticed in how I sound when alone versus how I sound when in public. When I'm completely alone, talking to my reflection in the mirror, I'm rather hammy, throwing my arms up in the air, contorting my face, making grandiose statements, etc.

However, when I'm in public, no matter how hard I try, it feels like I'm restrained by something, and I act more meek and monotone. I feel this way even when I'm with family. Alcohol seems to remove this restraint, and even other people have noticed that I act much more relaxed and flamboyant when intoxicated.

This is a very aggravating issue, as I would enjoy pursuing a career in the arts.

Do you think a type of Language Disorder can describe this?

It can involve expressive language, receptive language, or both.

Expressive language is the ability to put your thoughts into words.

Receptive language is the ability to understand language.

According to the website, some of the results can include: