is this a meltdown

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this is quite embarassing but this morning i was going to go to school, but i felt shivery and had an upset stomach which worried me

but i felt it was important to go to school to hand in work and its my friends birthday, i could not decide what to do half of me was scared to go in with an upset stomach and the other half was determiend to go in any my mum asked what i am going to do in a disapointed voice because she does not like it when i stay off.

so i started getting frustrated and angry because i did not know what to do, this restless energy was all inside me and it felt like my brain was going to fast, my mum went to get a shower i still did not know what to do and i got so frustrated i hit the wall a couple of times, erm with my hands and head, not enough to really injure myself and then i started crying and kind of fell to teh floor and lay there for about 15min, when i did all this i was kind of aware of waht was happening but i felt out of control and a feeling was building up in my head.

i just got off teh floor about 5min ago, im hating myself at the moment and still feel frustrated because i wanted to go to school, but i was scared so i have not gone in now i feel self loathing.

Relax, it's okay.

This sounds like a meltdown, I think everyone experiences slightly differently, losing control is the part I can identify with.

So you started the day feeling ill, with work to hand in and a birthday there will be some additional stress too. Then a bad interaction and confusion.

Try to learn from this to avoid triggers, and put it down to a bad day, nothing more.

Don't hate yourself, no one benefits, just a waste of energy.

Franknfurter, it sounds as if Nielsen gives good advice. I would only add the following:

I'm a lot older than you. What I've done to control my meltdowns is to put myself in a situation where I'm under as little stress as possible, and I can avoid toxic people.

I also use a good quality kava, which usually helps me to avoid meltdowns. It works better than anything else I've tried. When I feel something like a meltdown coming on, I take a large dose, and it calms me both physically and mentally.

As far as the stomach ache goes, what I've noticed in my own case is that when I am feeling bad physically, my AS also seems to get worse.

I had a meltdown at work today.

I had misgivings about going into a meetings, knowing it might trigger one. It did. I became confrontational and argumentative.

After the meeting I privately apologized to my project leader who ran the meeting, explaining my Asperger's diagnosis. Shortly thereafter I excused myself and went home.

I am berating myself terribly. How in the world can I face people at work next week after having made such a jerk out of myself?

I am in the process of seeking a disability job accommodation to telework and avoid the triggers of going into the office. But now I wonder if even that will be enough.

Does anyone have experience, strength, and/or hope to share?

Hello Marky, all I can do is offer my sympathy.

I could not work in an office or deal with meetings myself, I can't even get a regular job.

Meltdowns suck. I very rarely have them, in fact, apart from a couple of weeks ago, I can't even remember when the last one was. I'm like you, I don't fly off the handle at other people, I usually get incredibly angry with myself and turn to self-injurious behaviour, usually a lot of head-banging and repetetive, perseverative berating of everything I am and do. The lingering feeling of frustration over whatever caused the meltdown can last for days, sometimes a week, and people telling me to forget about it and that it's not a big deal only make it worse because they don't understand how I feel. The only thing I can suggest for you is that you go to school tomorrow, hand in your work and explain that you were sick, and give your friend a belated birthday card. It feels horrible now, but hopefully once you've done your best to repair the situation, the guilt won't feel as strong, that's what usually helps me after the fact.

thanks for the replys, im ok now, i feel much better, although it took most of the day to get back to normal but i now feel happy again, its not the first time that this has happened, i am posting my friends birthday card and i will just have to give in my work after half term.