Have people ever said "I pity you"??

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...or even worse, "I pity you people"???

Well I can't recall a time where somebody sincerely said that in my adult life (although I'm sure there were plenty of times that people "said" it nonverbally!) - it was mostly a comment that I got in my later childhood and teen years, including from my own brother. Needless to say I found it very offensive - and this was mostly in the 80s before anybody knew of Aspergers.

More often than not, it was sort of the reverse comment I got - people would say things like I'm not deserving of pity because I chose my own complications in life or I chose to be that way or I'm just looking for pity but not going to get it.

The only couple of times I can recall in adult life where people said they pitied me were passive-aggressive, manipulative bullies, in my late 20s - so the comment was not sincere. It was just an attempt to shame me and bend to their will, to their advantage. I stood my ground and refused to go along with what they said, prompting the comment "well, that's too bad, you'll never understand, I pity you" - and tempting though it was to give in, I kept reminding myself that only somebody who would allow themselves to be controlled should be pitied (or not, depending on who you ask!!)

But I'm not as dark and cynical as you might think: I believe there are some people who genuinely don't want to make a pity comment even though they know, or sense on some level, that you have some inherent challenges but can't put a name to it - so even if there might be some awkward moments or misunderstandings between you and that other person that may be mutually frustrating, they won't make a pity comment - they will let it go, as they are more enlightened and not hypersensitive to the difference like some tend to be. The same way that most people would not make pity comments to a person in a wheelchair, or a disfigured burn victim, or somebody with a severe stutter. They realize that, on some level, you are trying your best and maintaining a good attitude despite your setbacks.

Haha no that has never happend to me! I guess if it happens to me, i think i'm gonna laugh so hard, they'll be embarrassed they ever said something like that. I think it's sweet when people have pity, but i'll make them understand that it's not necessarry. People who say stuff like that in an offensive way, i really don't bother to give them any attention or energy in any form. I always think that, people who want to be offensive, are really really really a long way from them true core (and i pity them ghihi ) . If people say this stuff because they really care, i don't blame them for that. I thank them, but make them understand that there's no need for their concerns. I really like to have a dose of self-deprecating and humor into this. Can't hurt right?

This remembers me about something that happened in school time ago.

The history class teacher had assigned a group work and I was the only one left out along with another girl in my class who was extremely shy and never talked in the end because I didn't want to do the group work.

Since I and her were the only onse left out, the teacher asked "who wants to take them in their group?" and one of my classmates raised her hand and said "I'd want to".
Then she came close to me after the bell had rung and she told me "you know, I pity you two because you're always the left out one, so I dicided to take you into my group".

I remember when I was 15 at school a girl in my maths class said, ''I worry about you'', not in a caring way, but in a critical way, as if to say ''oh my God, you're so weird that you're beyond me.'' It did hurt me but I didn't say anything.

I think "I pity you" roughly translates to "I have contempt for you and I'm trying to insult you but I don't want it to look like I'm putting that much effort into it or I might lose my higher social status". NTs are only subconsciously aware that this is what they really mean. If they really pity someone they aren't going to say they do because they don't automatically want to insult the person even if they feel sorry for them.

I was told by my boss, after disclosing my Aspergers dx, that's why you didn't succeed in your management position, we had thought you were highly qualified

I should mention I was managing a group home at a nonprofit supporting people on the spectrum/ as well as other dd Dx. And was removed for the position exactly 6 weeks after I first demanded to be paid for the 8-24 hours of overtime my position required.

Yeah I still work there, though only out of spite and a spence of being morally obliged to defend others on the spectrum from incompetent people who are paid 5-10x more than I am to oversee failour.

I've had a few people who I thought were my friends directly say they proud me.

We aren't friends anymore.

I hate people who pity me.

I think I can really understand what the OP means.

I don't think anyone has ever said that horrible sentence to me, but they showed it with their attitude. And of course "I pity you" in most cases means "You are inferior and I have contempt for you". So it's in no way a kind or sympathetic message. They would say it because they think you are seeking attention or sympathy in a pathetic way. Of course you have no such intention, but your rather different/odd behavior makes them think you are doing that.

In fact we (those with AS/autism) do have a lot of difficulties, but most people don't understand that. That's why they react negatively toward us. I agree that there are a small number of non-judgemental people that do sense that we are having difficulties in some way, that know better than to just think we deserve contempt for being pitiful and that actually try to understand us as we are.

Living in an intentional community, such an expression would never be said out loud -- all communication is indirect and insincere -- but I know the look. They love having objects of pity as long as they are protected by enough distance. I'm glad to give them all the distance they need.

Totally tangential comment, here, but every time I see this thread's title I think of "Mr. T."