A distorted definition of "abuse"

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Some time ago, I had a bit of an argument with a therapist who said that my definition of "abuse" was not consistent with the proper definition. He told me that "abuse" is something that the victimized party cannot get out of, like a child entrapped by an abusive parent, or an abusive husband ensnaring a wife, or people who become brainwashed by some cult group or figure. Or human trafficking where the victim's family or friends are threatened if the victim tries to escape. Yes, we can all agree THAT'S abuse. But what this doctor refused to acknowledge as abuse is some harassment I had to endure with a former room-mate in a shared living situation, as well as in the workplace. He said the door was open and I can leave any time, I just have to find a new job or place to live. So technically, it doesn't fit the definition of "abuse".

I heartily disagree!! !
Are they not withholding, or rather holding for ransom, my ability (and right) to have food and shelter conveniently available? And assail my mental health??? I mean you can't just leave these situations the next day (or even week, or month), I guess it's all relative to this guy??!

OK, putting it in perspective, I agree that it's not the same type of abuse as a 12-year-old boy who trembles as his alcoholic father comes home late one night, and loudly complains about some trivial imperfection in the house and now somebody's "gonna get it", or those three unfortunate women who were held captive in Cleveland by that sick bastard Ariel Castro. Of course, that's hardcore abuse, and defined as such because those victims can't escape it, and they don't know WHEN or IF they might escape it. So my little anecdotes pale in comparison. But I still disagree that should be the main measure of abuse. You've got an abundance of other examples where it's not, like clinics or customer service wickets posting signs saying that no abuse of their staff will be tolerated, well should I have told that doctor to criticize the management of those establishments that their signs are incorrect??? I mean COME ON...

your therapist fell into a common trap - that of minimizing. people do this to allay their own discomfort when faced with someone else's problem.

Your therapist is a hardass.

Minimizing someone's struggles can also be a form of abuse, especially when that person is in the position of authority.

Seek out a new therapist, this one has a very distorted and unhealthy view.

Your therapist was quibbling over the semantics of the word. You could have used some synonym--harassment, maybe--to get past the quibbling.

As someone who grew up being one of those children living in fear of their drunk and abusive father coming home from the pub I disagree with your therapist.

Your abuse may have been of a lower level relative to some other people, but it was still abuse (or at least I'm assuming it was - I'm not going to judge based on your limited description).

Abuse is not defined by whether someone can escape from that situation - I could have run away anytime I wanted - but I was afraid to. You could have left those situations anytime you wanted to - but your ASD probably made it psychologically difficult to do so. So who was more trapped?

To me the definition of abuse is when you cause harm to someone, knowingly and with intent to harm. Especially in a situation where you are knowingly abusing that persons trust or vulnerability.

The only difference is in the degree of abuse taking place, yours might have been quite mild compared to mine, but that does not make your pain any less valid!

_________________
Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.

I think your therapist is putting you in a not so abusive emotional place by completely minimizing your issues. Since it's not so abusive, maybe you should leave him for a better psychologist. The door is open as he says. lol

It seems that when an authority figure corrects someone, that is also considered abuse.

I've been called "abusive" for citing dictionary definitions, providing valid references, and sticking to the facts.

Since when is it abusive to be right?

Abuse comes in all kinds of ways. Some forms have bigger consequences but just because one way does not have the consequences of another does not mean it is not abuse.

Hello.

Where does this therapist's definition of "abuse" come from? Did he say whether that definition is in a specific context such as some medical context or some social support context where you need to satisfy certain criteria to be regarded as having been "abused"? Or is it just his own idea? Was he talking about "abuse" in general? Whatever it is, what he said doesn't sound right to me. As some posters here suggested, it seems he was, for some reason, just trying to trivialize your claim that you've been abused. And that probably means that he was not really seriously trying to help you. So I think you had better find some other therapist if you still need therapy.