I don't know Game. I was thinking about this issue this morning because it recently came up. Maybe Catsarience experiences what I experience (even with people I have made an effort with at first), the project their own needs onto you. They couldn't stand the silence and isolation that they feel you must be experiencing, therefore you must want someone to come talk to you. Over the years, I've broken this down by just flat out asking them, Why are you talking to me? It puts them off, but you get to the truth. The truthful answer is that they felt sorry for me or they thought I must be lonely. Even when I explain that I am not, I get, I was worried about you. You spend too much time alone. I've tried to explain that being alone gives me energy and being with people zaps it (love the analagy like vampires because I always use parasites and vampires is much more polite but equally apt), it makes no difference whatsoever. They continue to find "reasons" to come rescue me. "Don't you want to go to lunch?" Don't you want to go with us to do X?" Don't you? Don't you? Don't you? Times that by the 120 of them in my office and it's called no time for myself. Then, I come home and it starts again with "helpful" neighbors. This problem is so bad that if I go to a particular movie alone because I want to become immersed in it, someone inevitably sits next to me. If I ask point blank why, they say they don't want me to feel alone. Oh my God. I always go over the limit at that point and promptly tell them I have friends and I am alone because I want to enjoy the movie...ALONE.
Unfortunately, I've had to literally cut friends (that I could normally tolerate) off for months when I get depressed over something (say for example, my dad and my favorite aunt dying within eight months of each other). I patiently explain that this requires even more alone time for me to just sit and write and "regenerate." Instead, their incessant need for attention (Are you okay? I don't need to talk to you, just respond) with a complete disregard for the fact that if they are all doing this I will never be alone as I desire, leads me to just cut them off completely (I don't pick up my email and I pull the plug on the phone). Then, I have to deal with the hurt feelings afterward which is another exhausting drama.
Thankfully, my family knows that I literally want to be left alone and they respect it (well, except my oldest brother who has something else going on with him, probably worse AS than mine or even Schizophrenia, I'm not sure what). But, for me, by and large, people do not respect my boundaries at all and want to rescue me. If you are experiencing this non-stop Cat, you need to just interrupt them and say, Why are you talking to me? Get the truth out of them. It's hard, but they will eventually explain themselves honestly. Just don't expect it at first. Politeness, if you haven't learned already, is just a euphemism for lying about what your really feel and want. You'll have to break through the politeness hammered into them to figure out why they are doing this.
29 Jan 2007, 4:18 am
