Do you hate neurotypical self-promoters, or is it just me?

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I notice a lot of neurotypicals will often boast about themselves, about how great their job is, and how awesome in general they themselves are. Now when I see someone like this, I instantly recognize what's going on. The person bragging about themselves is an insecure little douchebag, or they are trying to make themselves look good in front of the boss at work to help themselves gain a promotion.

Being that I can recognize this VERY QUICKLY AND EASILY, I am wondering why so many people in general cannot. Instead of recognizing what a douche the guy who is self-promoting himself is, the typical person will say something like "man' isn't he brilliant?"...in other words, the typical person will actually BUY INTO what the self-promoter is spewing, instead of saying "Good Lord, what a phony schmuck that guy is".

I just don't understand how people in general can be so stupid. I hate to say this, but this trait is very neurotypical in nature. People with AS tend to be able to spot these phonies right away, but neurotypical people fall for the self-promoting a-hole's schtick hook, line, and sinker just about every time.

And bosses will actually reward these self-promoting a-holes. Meanwhile, the guy who is HUMBLE yet works much harder than the self-promoter will get no reward. And he is usually much more brilliant but doesn't boast about himself, therefore other do not think much of him.

Why do neurotypicals fall for the "look at me, aren't I wonderful?" line so often? I can see right through these people, but oddly enough, most people cannot. Why? It seems self-promoters have better jobs, and do much better in relationships than humble people who don't speak much about themselves. It seems in order to do well in life, you have to BOAST about yourself and PROMOTE yourself. It's so phony, and I just can't bring myself to do it.

"the codfish lays ten thousand eggs, the homely hen lays one
the codfish never cackles to tell you what she's done
And so we shun the codfish whilst the humble hen we prize
Which only goes to show you that it pays to advertise...."

(can't remember who wrote this but it seemed apt).

It's not neurotypicals that do this. it's bulls****ers:)

"Selling yourself" and "Talking yourself up" seem to be deeply ingrained phenomena in human society. It annoys me too. I usually ignore it, because I don't care who did something, only what was the something that was done to be judged awesome or not awesome on its objective (e.g. for a scientific discovery) or subjective (e.g. for a piece of art) merits. People have often told me to sell myself better, but I don't do that, because I am not a whore.

I don't think all people who do it are phoney/bullshitters- it's become so prevalent that these days it's probably necessary to learn to self-promote or you will fail to stand out. If getting a promotion depends on the boss noticing you, then keeping your head down and playing down your work won't work to your advantage.

Yeah, the behaviour is fake and most people are probably perfectly aware of how daft they sound, but if you want to get ahead, you have to play the game as it is, not how you'd like it to be in an ideal world. Or else, find a different profession where it may not depend so much on the boss's favour (even then, you probably need to self-sell in your CV)

I'm not a whore either, but if I worked hard at something, I'd make sure people knew it was my work before someone else swooped in and took credit. You're getting paid to do the work anyway, so couldn't that be defined as whoring yourself too?

OK but what about when just talking in general. When a douchebag brags about himslef to me and another person next to me, the person next to me will say "God, isnt he brilliant?" instead of saying "what a phony insecure little prick".

I'm sorry but when a person feels the need to brag about their salary, or themselves in general, they are a phony douchebag looking for accolades. And sadly enough, they usually find them from the typical dummies out there.

I bet NT's who don't boast about their achievements see how phony other NT's are that do boast about themselves.

Because bitterness doesn't make for great office chit-chat and people tend to avoid negative people?



Even if they are braggarts, the only person you're hurting by getting upset about it is you. Don't get me wrong; rant here all you like, that's cool (I'm only giving my opinion) but it really is best to try not to let people like that get under your skin.

Not everyone does this, and not everyone is blind to it. We had a guy working with us for a while who was a merciless self-promoter. After one particularly lurid session, the guy walked out of the room and one of my co-workers said, "Looks like someone's padding their resume with falsies!" We just about died laughing. No one was fooled by that guy.

But yeah, there are some business where it's the nature of the business to self-promote. Photography is one of these. Acting is another. Those who self-promote get work. Those who don't don't.

All of which makes me glad I don't work in a field where I have to.

Lene correct me if I'm wrong but are you trying to imply that I'm bitter? In what way? For speaking the truth? There are certain facts in life which are not pleasent, yet true. I don't think pointing some of these sad facts of life makes me bitter.

How does pointing out the phony nature of these self-promoters make me "negative" by the way? Are you trying to say I should give the self-promoting phonies accolades? Not sure what your point was on that one.

Do you boast about yourself to people? I don't mean to imply anything but it sounds like my irritated you, which is why I ask.

I'm talking more about people who self promote when there is no need to. People who talk highly of themselves just to receive accolades from people. And people in general usually fall for it, and think of the braggart as something special. I think it has to do with people in general just not being very bright.

No, I'm not saying that you yourself are bitter; I don't know you well enough. But if the person sitting next to me said "what a phony insecure little prick" about a coworker, I would probably avoid them in future as I find that kind of negativity quite toxic.



Because you choose to label your more successful coworkers as 'phoney self promoters' and your whole language speaks of disdain for people like that. If certain people aren't your cup of tea, ignore them by all means, but why get so angry about it? You're not 'giving in' by ignoring them and what do you hope being upset about it will achieve?

As I said, if you're just venting about people who annoy you, fair game; everyone needs to sometimes. But you asked a question about why 'phoney' people get ahead of 'humble' people and I answered as best as I could.



No, hardly ever. I'm usually embarrassed if I have something another person doesn't. I wasn't irritated at all by your posts, just trying to show that it's not simply a black and white case of 'phoney vs. humble'.

unfortunately it pays to do this in moderation. what may seem excessive to us might seem normal to NTs. and certainly people who can "talk themselves up" are more likely to do well on job interviews, in the workplace, etc. if people believe that you're so great based on what you've said of yourself then they'll remember that somewhere in the back of their minds the next time they need someone for a task, project, etc.

while i'm not a fan of self-promotion, i wish i knew how to do it. i probably would have progressed a lot further in my professional career if i could.

Different people have different reactions to different self promotors in different contexts. There isn't a uniform reaction.

In a job interview, self promotion is pretty much a social requirement. It shows that you are confident in your abilities. Failure to self promote in that situation implies unsureness of your own ability to do the job. If you don't say you are sure you will be great at it, the employer will think you will be in over your head and won't hire you. Also, any profession where you are the product requires that you promote yourself, such as acting or politics.

Outside of these job-specific situations, it really depends on the person and exactly how they are doing the promoting and who is listening. Sometimes people will be so implausibly boastful that nobody can take it seriously. But notice that in another poster's anecdote, the absurd self-promotion was called out with "somebody is padding his resume with falsies" which is a light joke rather than "what a phony, insecure little prick" which sounds toxicly angry.

A situation where some people are most likely to believe the self promoter is when he is selling himself as the person who can fix all their problems. When somebody says "I have the best investment advice you will ever hear anywhere" people really want to believe it and some people truly will. Others will roll their eyes and ignore both him and his advice. This happens when anybody touts themselves as the only person who has all the answers to a specific problem. Some people will wholeheartedly believe this and others will ignore it.

Sometimes people will not believe the self promoter but will admire his audacity and will be positive rather than dismissive on those grounds: not believing the message but liking the messenger nonetheless for boldness rather than timidity.

It really isn't black and white.

you beat me to it. i've seen it with aspies, but more so online than in real life.


i have a new favourite phrase.

I don't see it as an NT thing, but I have witnessed this plenty of times. If the person is honest and actually deserves the credit, I don't mind that. But when someone goes around proclaiming herself a genius when it's blatantly obvious that she doesn't get basic logic, and people believe her, that's what bugs me.

On the other hand, sometimes I say things that other people apparently think is bragging, but it really isn't. I feel like I have to avoid talking about my relationship, my academic success, etc., because if I talk about those things, people think I'm showing off.