How can I get my dad to believe that I was raped?

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I told my dad, and my mom that I was raped at the summer camp they forced me to go to when I was 15, finally when I was 17. Ever since, my dad has insisted that I am lying because I want the camp to seem even worse since I had to be forced to go. I've tried telling him many times that it actually happened, but he tells me to stop and has become extremely angry about it. He says that I would have told him as soon as it happened "if it really did happen" even though I told him that I was afraid of his reaction at the time. I'm not sure what it's going to take to get him to understand that I'm not making it up, and it's really important to me that he believe what happened.

My wife (also a WP member), was in the same or very similar position to yours, and I have eMailed her a link to this post. Maybe she can make a suggestion. I want you to know that there are many others in your situation, sadly. I don't even know you, but just so you know; I believe you, and you're taking a big step in the right direction by posting about this.

Charles

I'm no expert in this area (and this is probably not the right forum to discuss this), but I wonder if you've told anyone else about this (other than family members)? Y'know, like your friend or a counselor or a teacher or something? Have you phoned any kind of rape hotlines about this? Have you ever reported this to the police?

I think that either your father doesn't understand how traumatic rape can be for someone or perhaps he doesn't want to believe that you were raped because he is afraid of the idea that something so horrible can happen to somebody he loves so he outright denies it. This is quite irresponsible of your father to do something like this because nobody lies about being raped unless there is something deeply wrong with them. Either way, this is a problem he has to learn to deal with.

Anyway, you need to take care of yourself so see if you can see a counselor (if you are not currently seeing one) or talk to other people about this. Again, your father's reaction is most likely a result of willful ignorance and/or fear which is an obstacle HE needs to overcome. His problems are not your burden - you've got your own problems to deal with. Hope everything goes well with you!

If I could say anything to your father, I would say this:

With all due respect, this issue is bigger than you. You need to get over yourself and realise that your child has done a very brave thing admitting this to you. Now you need to be brave and accept that you need to support your child. Be a man, for crying out loud.

maybe write him a long letter explaining everything- what happened, how you reacted, why you didnt say anything, how it feels that he doesnt believe you etc etc. perhaps he'll absorb it more if it's there in writing for him to go over, think about and have sink in?

I just wanted to say that I admire how brave you are being. I was molested by a family member when I was younger and I still haven't talked to my parents about it. I only just told any family member at all (a cousin) about it this year.

Hang in there!

Most rape and or molested victims don't come forward because it is so hard. If your dad doesn't understand find someone else who will listen and support you. You have a right to counseling and treatment to heal. I remember telling someone and they swept the incident under the carpet because I was in their care at the time and they didn't want it to get back to my parents. I mentioned it a few years ago and they were horrified that no one had told them. My regret is that the person has a sickness and possibly hurting others. I also know families that say nothing because they don't want a family member to go to jail and the victims well-being is not even considered. Totally messed up.

I think parents need to talk to their child proactively

'Sometimes an adult will try and touch a child in a sexual way.'

'Sex is personal and private and a person should not be bullied or tricked'

something like that, in an age appropriate way that invites back and forth communication. (I am not a parent myself)

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If parents emphasize "Stranger Danger," they are doing their kids a disservice because most abuse is done by someone know to the family or known to the child.

And, in a similar way, most rape is acquaintance rape where the perpetrator is known to the victim. People ought to treat each other a damn sight better, but they don't. And people ought to know damn well better not to do so. But they don't. Part of the problem is a whole culture where normal "seduction" is a hairbreath from rape, look at all the scenes in movies where it's abusive sexuality and somehow it's shown as working out okay. Well, in real life, it usually doesn't work out okay! But even with all this, people should still know better.

So, with the world being dangerous and stupid in this regard, parents, teachers, and other should give young people a realistic view of the world in this regard, tools to protect themselves, at least some/much of the time, and the knowledge that you will be there for them whatever happens.

First of all, I am glad you could come to these forums to talk about it. I agree with what others have said, here. You should seek support and counseling for this. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was a child, and no one believed me. I was in counseling for a long time, before I began to heal from it.

You have a right to be heard and believed. If your father won't do this, find others who will.

It's hard to talk about this kind of stuff. You've been very strong to try talk about it with your parents.

What would your Dad believing you do for you? It's horrible for people to deny that bad things happened, it doesn't make them not have happened though. You have my sympathy. It is hard for victims of rape.

Perhaps he doesn't want to believe that if he listened to you that this wouldn't have happened and so denys it happening. What's your Mum's reaction on this?