A type of therapy that may help AS - what do you think?

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I've been to lots of mental health professionals and feel that traditional therapy doesn't help because:

A). Am very detail-oriented (most professionals think in more general terms, similar to NTs)

B). Things have to be a certain way or I get upset. (Most therapy is oriented towards being flexible about certain things......and expects us to NOT get too upset over change)

C). I do not relate to people well. (Most therapists think that we can handle difficult situations simply by negotiating with others)

Therapy is very flawed; it needs to address the detailed problems that we face, our obsessiveness and inability to relate well with others.

Most current therapy does not show us how to change our situation -- it merely shows us how to FOOL OURSELVES INTO THINKING THE SITUATION IS DIFFERENT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS (ie: CBT).

We are supposed to change our thoughts, and the expectation is, we should feel better as a result. (I disagree with this approach)...

I think the following approach would help Aspies:

1). A therapist would ACCEPT the fact that we often can't get along with others.

2). As a result, this person would help us deal with being alone (or lonely), rather than telling us that our interpersonal difficulties are all in our head.

3). A therapist would address our cognitive inflexibility (frequent), by helping us strategize ways to change our external environment more to our liking (rather than making us merely "think positive".)

(For example, traditional CBT has us believe that we can accept being in a situation where we are not accepted by others. A NEW AND IMPROVED THERAPY would help us AVOID THOSE PEOPLE THAT DO NOT ACCEPT US.)

4). A therapist would be an ADVOCATE.

(Most traditional therapies assume that you'll work things out with other people, as long as they provide you with the tools. A new and improved therapy would involve field work. The therapist will go out and advocate on your behalf. You will not be left to fend for yourself in bad interpersonal situations.)

5). A therapist will take a DETAIL-ORIENTED approach.

(Instead of making you feel like you are psychotic for having worked out your problems like a math puzzle - as many systemizers are prone - A good therapist will appreciate your thought process and actually help you STRATEGIZE SPECIFIC SOLUTIONS based on the details.)

This is just a skeleton, but what do you think? Do you agree, or disagree that the above approach might help those of us with AS cope with life better?

Any more ideas?

A while ago, I asked if people would appreciate having a therapist who also was on the spectrum.

IMO they would be more likely to get what you are talking about -

I got quite a few posts back saying aspies couldn't be therapists.

Which made me laugh.

1. I actually get along quite well with others as I have noticed. The therapist or counsellor in his way of addressing this will try and help you be honest with yourself.

2. They can help you enjoy yourself when you are alone. Once that is accomplished, you should be able to enjoy your company with other people. Be honest with yourself again.

3. The people that can't accept you are people that are dishonest with you and themselves. Only dishonest people will accept another dishonest person. Honest people accept honest people.

4. I would rather find a way of trying to deal on my own and being honest with someone. Personal choice.

5. As much as I like details, some details are necessary and some aren't. If you want to know the thought process of another person rather than their feelings, you might have problems in honest relationships with other people.

sis is a therapist,and she is aspie.

This is lovely and would work great except for two minor flaws.

1. You're asking someone else to change.
  and
2. You're asking someone else to change.

Now I know that technically this is only one flaw, but it was such a big one, I thought it was worth mentioning twice.


*extra points if you can tell me where this quote is from....

I can see how you might have gathered that from the way my post was worded, particularly 3) "strategize ways to change our external environment to our liking"... I should have been more specific...

I don't mean changing the environment, as in changing people. You can't really change people. I meant, strategizing ways to get out of or avoid certain unpleasant situations.

But therapists don't generally advocate avoidance. Some situations are untenable in their current state, either we've alienated certain people to the point of no return or reached a dead end. It is hard to get help in accepting that we burnt a bridge and to cope with that. Instead, a lot of therapists (at least in my experience), advise us to beat a dead horse and convince ourselves that the person doesn't hate us or whatever we are convinced is happening. (Can't speak for anyone else here - but i feel like false hope is too often advocated, to the point of a lack of practical solutions)

I'm a therapist... and I often spend a lot of time focusing in on small details of a story (order of events, locations, etc.) to help my clients to understand their role in different scenarios. This approach doesn't work with with everyone (some people think I spend too much time examining one minute facet of their week (which is true...), but some people really benefit from it. To be fair, Aspies in particular really seem to grasp this approach. This is my on variation on a mode of narrative therapy which is basically the client telling their story and the therapist reframing events each step of the way (I'd give an example, but it's difficult to do).

Another mode to look into would be Motivational Interviewing as it is really just a method of reflecting back what a client says. I am very guilty of not saying exactly what I meant the first time around. When I hear it said back to me, I am able to think about what was said, calibrate (if needed) and restate it the correct way. I try this approach with Aspies a lot (mixed with my narrative therapy approach) and it seems to work well!

I do want to address the whole "accept the not getting along with people" portion: I think that everyone can gain skills to be successful in any arena, so I never want to assume that this is an unfixable problem. I do, however, think that "getting along with people" can inevitably be a goal of therapy since you kind of have to maintain a positive, supportive client/therapist relationship to be successful. I would also acknowledge that getting along with others will be difficult and to give some comfort around that, but I would never let that be the end of the line!

A good therapist, or any professional, should take the time to get to know the individual person and what works for them. Every aspie is different, every person is different. It is the same with teachers. A good teacher takes the time to understand how the majority of his/her students learn...and when one student struggles that teacher takes the time to find out what appeals and works for that child. Any professional that does not take the time to do this, or doesn't refer the client to someone who can, is not a professional.

Good: Therapy that focuses on practical solutions to autistic problems.

Bad: Therapy that focuses on feeling good, double plus good.

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Therapy in itself doesn't make someone "less autistic", especially if it's talk therapy. Therapy can help with depression, which so many autistics have that some even claim it is autistic to be depressed! I think this might be a confusion of the purpose of the therapy on both sides - some professionals that want to make autistics NT without offering any practical help with learning skills, and some autistics that go to a professional for their depression/anxiety/whatever but get told to "stop being autistic". If you are actually seeing a professional for learning skills, and you tell them that it isn't working (or if they are trying to treat a nonexistent depression), then they might be able to tailor their approach to you - and if that doesn't work, then start seeing another or learn on your own, if possible, or see if there is a possible way to attend some of the classes that are available for autistics.
What kind of motivation you state will change what kind of service they offer, and what kind of professional you will see. Not everyone listens to that though.

OP, I do think that therapy is made for NTs, and I like your approach.

We don't need nor can we benefit nor should we have expectations from a standard therapist trained in standard therapy. They don't have enough knowledge of AS to know that they're not able to help us, so for this generation, it is our own responsibility not to seek them.

That said, standard therapy did help some in my case, as a childhood abuse survivor.

OP, I like the outlook. Given the caveats from the therapists on here, I think this is a potentially good, insightful model for a new brand of "Spectrum Therapy" as averse to "normal" therapy. Previous commentors are quite right, therapy as we know it is designed for the broken normal, not for the Autistic.