Shared living situations - how did you cope

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I couldn't find a specific forum category for this one, but it deals with room-mate (or flatmate, if you prefer) experiences. I am attempting to compile a list of experiences for living with room-mates for those on the spectrum, mainly, how to avoid rubbing people the wrong way, and if you learned any lessons the "hard way" in that regard. As a successful professional Aspie, I am currently providing guidance to my alma mater university/college on how to assist Aspie students living off-campus with others.

From my own experience, I was kicked out three times in my early 20s since I started living on my own during school and shortly thereafter. Another two times I was basically forced to leave b/c of threats and harassment, and I had little idea what I'd done wrong (not to mention I wasn't diagnosed till later in my twenties). However, thankfully, I did have three good living situations, including from the ages of 23-27 when I lived in a townhouse with three people: a guy who had a brother who was severely autistic, a Jewish guy, and a gay guy. So we got along just fine, nobody judged anyone.

So, back to the request for sharing anecdotes...note that your stories don't necessarily have to entail school experiences, but at later points in your life too. Hopefully, you found it easier to navigate shared living situations in your post-school years based on lessons learned!

I would suggest having non-negotiable rules. Ask all parties involved to list about 5 or so things that they cannot stand, or must have, in that situation. Match them up with others whose rules fit theirs.

Everybody is going to have different things. Point out to them that everybody has quirks. Also that roomates don't have to hang out together or be great friends. They just have to get along. You don't have to be Marshall and Ted on "How I Met Your Mother". That's probably what most people expect. Being able to tolerate the other person and get along fairly well is all that is required.

I think that taking away the pressure to be "best buds!" would help a lot.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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How did I cope? With extreme difficulty, lol! I would say that 90% of it really depends more on who you have as a roommate though, I had a few that were absolutely amazing, but I also had 3 that pretty much made my life miserable the whole time I was living with them. I remember my worst experience was living in a dorm (basically 2 people in a 15' x 15' box lol), and my roommate had a long-distance girlfriend that he would talk to on the phone from literally 4pm-2am every single day. I would say that effective and open communication is often really important in these situations, and that is one area that I really struggled with.

How did I cope?

I choose to live alone.

I have lived with my wife for over 8 years with not too many problems, but for the last 4 months I have had a friend living with us. We live in a house which is more than big enough to accomodate us all and he goes out quite a lot, so I dont see him all that much. The problem arises because he is thoughtless, which puts me on edge all of the time and has got me to a point where I have started to dislike him. We have been friends for about 20 years, but this is the first time I have been in such close quarters with him. This happened before when a friend of mine lived with us for 6 months and our friendship was never the same again.
I have put it down to a combination of my intolerance and the other persons thoughtlessness.
It is small things like him leaving the recliner in the up position, when he makes porridge he leaves the saucepan on the side without washing up after himself, or the fact that he never seems to do anything with any logic.
My dislike of him has got to the point where once he leaves I will probably not have much to do with him. I have noticed since he moved in that my meltdown count has gone through the roof, to the point where I have got into a minor scrap with him.

I think as far as shared living is concerned it has to be with the right person. Get it slightly wrong and it can cause all sorts of issues to someone with Aspergers. It is something that needs to be thought about long and hard. I have made the same mistake twice now and it shall not be made a third time.

That is my thoughts on the subject.

Phil.

The country I live in doesn't have dorms. Personally I liked living in shared student houses as long as I had my own room esp. with an en suite, that allowed me to be reclusive when needed and social when wanted, developing these skills in college is important and staying too far from people is like keeping a dyslexic person away from books.
The first place wasn't a disaster but I didn't click the my housemates (they didn't with each other either). So I moved into a house
with my friends, I used friends to find my next 3 houses all of those worked out. I found those friends through college classes, and the hoard of clubs I joined just for social practice, drinking helped there too.

I have lived with my boyfriend for more than a year now and it was tough at first. I need a lot of time alone and he's the kind of person who wants to spend all waking moments with his significant other and is very talkative (for example right now, I am sitting concentrating at the computer and he is talking to me about stuff he is working on when really what I need is for him to be quiet until I finish this message). Sweetest guy in the world, but difficult for me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Emotional meltdowns occurred due to holding in my frustration for not getting as much alone and quiet time. He's been very patient and understanding with me. Now we've worked out a rhythm just by being around each other and also me speaking up for my needs.

I've hardly had any roommates I liked. There have been a few that worked out but the only two I'm friends with still, I was friends with before we lived together. Most of them ended up resenting me for one reason or another (and I resented them as well). It has taken me years to understand that sometimes you are expected to hang out with people as a bonding experience even if you don't have a particular desire to do so. If you don't you're seen as unfriendly. Also, I'm not the best at doing something just because someone else wants me to (e.g., sharing chores). I like doing things my way and at my own pace. Again, this is something I was able to accept with time, though I still don't like cleaning!