I wish people could understand how I feel

Post Reply New Topic

Okay this is my main problem. It seems like my family seems to think I am more normal than I am.

They do not understand Aspergers enough to make this assessment. They say they do but they literally do not know what to say without pushing me to a meltdown. I am very sad because of this.

Honestly I feel bad because I am ruining their lives and I have no idea what to do. My meltdowns have caused severe damage to their house. I have quite a few other comordid issues like Alcoholism (no alcohol for the past 10 years), Depression, anxiety, and OCD.

I know that many people would say that I am being abusive. I am not sure what to do. I hate that word and I feel I would never abuse anyone. This is just frustration and being put down in my life. And I am just hurting the ones I love. And I hate it.

I have never been able to get them to understand. I am at my wits end with it.

Hi there and welcome to WP.
I'm sorry about the trouble with your family and how they seem to be pushing your buttons. Some people have a hard time understanding what they can't see as AS can be a non=obvious disability and all they have to go on is your word. There are a couple of things you might do to create some buffer between yourself and them.
If they are the reading type, could you try giving them a book on the subject? If this is possible, I would recommend a memoir written by someone with AS so that they can see it through someone else's eyes (it sounds like you've tried giving your perspective and they aren't hearing it...)
Another option could be to simply recognize that you're not going to be able to have the proper support from everyone all the time (given that this is your family, this is unfortunate). You can control some of your own actions. If you feel those buttons getting pushed and know you may react violently, go somewhere else! Try walking outside if possible or go to a private area.
Hope that's helpful... Keep perusing the forums... there are lots of other good tips if these aren't working.

And NTs are supposed to have empathy, which means being able to put themselves in other people's shoes and imagine how the other person feels?

people spend an inordinate amount of time discussing our receptive deficits per external dynamics (i.e. "unable to understand social cues, body language, pragmatic language, etc"). i think the world forgets that the barrier isn't one sided: it isn't just that we struggle to understand other people and make sense of an ever-revolving environment -  its also a challenge to be understood. even if you happen to be extraordinarily adroit when it comes verbal expression, you may still have no more luck articulating the complexity of your subjective experience (as a neurological minority) to people primed to interpret life through a standard/normative lens. in my experience - unless your impairment is blatantly obvious -  most people will assume you think and process data, the way everyone else thinks and processes data, and could behave as everyone else does if you wanted to. there may be some who understand you but the vast majority won't. although i think that's true of life in general, whether you have a disability or not.

i'm in a similar position. my family doesn't get it and a couple don't even believe it (even though i have a formal diagnosis and have called an obvious case by professionals - two of whom are highly educated with years of experience working with ASD). i'm not sure there's an easy solution. what helped me was finding an outside professional who did understand what i was dealing with. she helped/is helping me manage the things my family can't comprehend: tendency to isolate for long periods; difficulty connecting and maintaining relationships; sensory overload; anxiety and stress; self-injurious behavior and meltdowns; difficulty dealing with change and unfamiliar situations; difficulty interpreting social information/understanding perspectives that aren't my own... its been life altering. i'm not very knowledgeable about The General System; i'm sure there are posters who are, that can offer more sage advice. but there may be support groups or support services in your area that could help - so you have somewhere else to turn and can work on the things you need addressed.

Perhaps there are some websites that sort of translate your problems so your family can understand them better? That is of course if they even want to... unfortionatly people can be very selfish and near sighted on issues sometimes. What do they say that makes you so upset? I imagine a lot of NTs automatically treat ASD and other people with disorders like any other NT even if they know that person has an issue. If you try to talk to them about stuff make sure it's not during a stress filled time for either of you. Maybe they would even agree to a time to talk about?

. I like this idea too but I think it's good to tell them your plan also, otherwise you might still hurt them. My Dad tends to walk away from me when he starts getting even the littlest bit frustrated and it frustrates me. But understanding why he does it makes me less frustrated. I had to realize it myself which took a long time. it would have been nice for him to state that things were elevating to an uncomfortable level and had to leave. I know communication is hard but just keep trying. Maybe ask them for advice on what would make them feel more comfortable? Compromise