Dan0192837465 wrote:
Would you prefer shuffling off this mortal coil or to continue plodding along at a snail's pace, giving off the illusion of maintaining a semi-normal, average life?
Neither of those sounds like good options. I'd like to make my own life. I'm not normal, so why should I have to live a normal life? I shouldn't, that's what. I'm going to live on my own terms and any bigot that tries to shut me out of living my life, going after my dreams, because I'm "not normal", will get a piece of my mind in the form of concentrated Aspie lecture. And I can talk the hind leg off a mule, so you don't want to do that, believe me!
If you're actually contemplating suicide, go call a hotline or call your doctor or call your mom or whoever will listen. Maybe even go to an emergency room, if you're in trouble; they might bore you to tears but it can help you hang on for a short while. Or at the very least go somewhere public where people will see if you try to jump off something or do something similarly permanent. Go to the library, if it's open. It's never failed to at least help me feel a little better even when I couldn't concentrate to read anything more stimulating than a comic book. There's just something about quiet and smell of books.
I've been there, had my brain trying to kill me, and I'm glad I survived. Not that this makes it any more pleasant to have to go through it, but there you go--it's survivable. It sucks, but if you hold on, things get better. Sometimes it helps just to get near a window or outside (wear sunglasses if you are photophobic) and get some sun on your skin. Other times it helps to get some sleep, or to hold a pet, or to do something simple and satisfying for a while. It also helps to look at your own thoughts and ask, "Am I sure that's really true?" Because if you have a disability, lots of times you will have been told things about it that are not true, like you need to be normal or you aren't allowed to be happy or you aren't allowed to be different or you're intrinsically inferior or less capable. It helps, because if you think to yourself and go, "Everybody has rejected me," you can say, "Hey, wait a minute; that's not realistic. I haven't met everyone in the world, and of those people I have met, not everyone did reject me," and then go on and ask yourself why you're feeling rejected, and maybe it's because you're thinking about what some asshat did to you in junior high, and you can tell yourself, yeah, he was an asshat and, as such, had no right to tell me what I was worth! Stuff like that.