Frustrated...

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Why should I speak to you if you stand around talking about how I need CBT to make me talk more when finding words, or making myself speak, or not just hiding away, takes a lot of effort.

And instead of acknowledging any of the effort I put in, you ignore it all, don't do any of the things I say, and say I need CBT to make me speak.

Because all my speaking problems are "anxiety", not autism.

Because I'm not supposed to act like I'm autistic. That's wrong. I'm not supposed to act like a bad person.

Because nobody else is supposed to accommodate me at all, but I'm supposed to accommodate them.

And then I'm supposed to not be allowed to live anywhere else, or go anywhere else, and I'm supposed to be told how incompetent I am and how until I can communicate like a neurotypical person I should not be allowed to do anything.

Why should I try?

Why should I try at all instead of just stop and only speak to the few people who actually care?

Why should I fight back the oncoming wave of speaking less and less and it taking more and more effort do to anything.

All I get for fighting it back is being told I'm not good enough, and am not really autistic.

Meh.

*hugs*

You do have a rather good cause to be frustrated. You also have every right to do what you wish with your energy and time; the act of speech is such a small, comparably insignificant portion of the human experience, and I am sorry that the people in your life do not see it that way. I hope that you are one day able to surround yourself with people who are willing to accept and accommodate you.

You are good enough, so much more than simply "good enough," and, autistic or not, you are a worthy and wonderful human being.

You are as good as you can be from moment to moment.
Stay strong and keep doing your best.

That is so frustrating.

That sounds extremely frustrating. Who is saying/suggesting this to you? I'm not asking you to give a name but is this your caregiver, family member, friend, partner , professional ect?

Family and some of the multiple professionals I'm seeing.

I feel for you, people can be so insensitive sometimes. And trying to explain yourself to them can be so frustrating and pointless. I hope you find the freedom and peace of mind you deserve, and not too far into the future.

Has your functioning dropped since you started seeing these professionals?

Maybe you should get away from them, if they are not helping.

That's part of the problem - that I've been on a "declining" slope functioning level wise, and people refuse to acknowledge it. I used to not feel like it was a struggle to speak. Now speech takes a lot of effort.

I'm trying to figure out the working with professionals thing. I'm not getting it how I want to, but maybe I can get it better. Vocational Rehab I've been getting it better - I've swapped who I'm working with a few times and each time the person has been better. The person who's worst about this in terms of professionals, is someone who if I had any say about seeing, I'd not be seeing.

Unfortunately, they're convinced I'm not speaking because of "stubbornness" and "refusal' and things like that, rather than "I'm so overwhelmed that I cannot speak"

Some people can't understand when symptoms get worse because of stress in life. My OCD tendencies and agitation due to change get worse when I'm stressed and some of my family members don't get it either. They'll say "you never used to be this bad! Stop it!". I haven't figured out what to do about it either, how to explain it to them so they understand but I do empathize.

One of the people I'm dealing with I don't think even believes in autism.

She wants to "treat" me with exposure therapy.

As for the getting worse with stress - I'm pretty sure I'm one of the unusual people who got worse in adolescence, not better (not just stress, actual regression-like). And then compound high stress environment on top of that.

Those people are just impossible to reason with. My ex boyfriend didn't believe in high functioning Autism/Asperger's or in ADHD or in depression and anxiety. He said western society just wants to label everyone (his background is Moroccan Jewish). His brother has severe autism and was non-verbal until age 6 and now he speaks but has a severe intellectual disability. That is what autism is to him and nothing else. What kind of professional is she? I'm assuming she's one of the vocational rehab people. If she's a psychologist or psychiatrist then it's very disturbing that she believes that.



Exposure therapy has been shown to be effective in treating phobias and somewhat in treating OCD symptoms. I doubt it would be effective in reducing symptoms of autism. What would she expose you to anyway, people and make you speak to them? That sounds like a bad idea. Even for the treatment of phobias the exposure is supposed to be incremental and supervised by a mental health professional. It has to be done carefully.



Interesting. I know there are others on this site who've had this experience. They have talked about it in other threads.

She's an LICSW, does counseling, and what she wants to expose me to is forcing me to communicate with people.