Am I being unreasonable?

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I don't think I am...

Basically, someone I know won't leave me alone. Last night, I asked him to stop contacting me all the time.

He moaned because we've not seen each other properly for about a month or so. My life doesn't revolve around him. He claims that contacting each other everyday is normal. I have friends who, for various reasons, I may only talk to a few times a month, which we're happy with.

He sort of mentioned that he's obsessed with me and knows that I'm obsessed with someone else, so I should understand where he's coming from. He doesn't know the situation with the other person at all.

He's now upset with me because I've told him to stop contacting me all the time. He's contacted me several times this week. All he wants to do is meet up. He knows that going into public places can be difficult due to my hearing. He seems to have ignored this.

He's now saying we have to sort this out and wants to get the branch officer of the local Autism support group, (which is how we met) us two and his support workers involved sort this out. I don't want other people involved in this. I just want him to understand that I don't want him to contact me all the time.

I am starting to feel quite uncomfortable with this now.

That isn't being unreasonable at all. That's defining boundaries and kudos to you for trying to put that out there.

This is a problem I have faced with guys before. I ended up having to break off with them completely because their expectations of the friendship/relationship were not, (and were not every going to be), inline with mine.

And it's completely within your rights to want to keep it between you two and not get a third party involved. If he can't deal with that I would highly suggest showing him the door for good (or at least bring that up as an option you're considering).

Nope. If he hasn't listened to you, he's in the wrong.

Thanks. I am tempted to tell someone; because I can't deal with this by myself. But it's nothing to do with his support workers; so can't understand why he wants to get them involved.

He claims it's because I haven't actually given him boundaries about what is and isn't acceptable. Just because I haven't given him any boundaries, (I don't see why I need to?) doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants.

Ignoring him seems to have done nothing. He also seems to blaming me for this. I don't understand what I've done wrong at all.

If this is how he treats his friends, I'm not sure I can be friends with him any more.

How is he contacting you?

By Phone - hang up

By text - delete it

by email - block him

in person - shut the door and contact the police


If you respond to him you are basically encouraging him

Simple enough - ignore any communications he sends

As for asking support workers/support group etc to arrange meet up between you to sort things out -
just say he's stalking and harrassing you and you don't want anything to do with him (If that is indeed the case)
and just don't attend anything arranged - it's your perfect right not to engage with any of it

The fact you seem to still want to be friends with him is very confusing to me

Etiher you want contact with him and all the hassle that evidently goes with it or you don't - you need to make a choice

Although I don't agree much with saying people do this and that, I think that's for the best, in this situation.

In my book, you are right; he is wrong.

I have been on both sides of this situation. My best outcomes have been when I have remembered and applied: "Unrewarded behavior eventually extinguishes itself".

Eurgh. He's blaming me now. Apparently, I need to learn the definition of what a friend is. And if he ends up in hospital again, it's my fault. I am not forcing him to harass me.

According to his psychologist and one of his support workers, he's doing nothing wrong.

I've now blocked him on Facebook. Really can't be bothered with him any more.

Good job! You are doing what you feel is best.

He's using emotional blackmail - not on at all

"According to his psychologist and one of his support workers, he's doing nothing wrong."

Have you heard them say this themselves or has he just said it?

If he is harrassing you it is doing plenty wrong and they are not advocating for him properly at all
as he could potentially end up in prison for acting in this way.

So he's either making it up that they are ok with his behaviour or they are just not very intelligent

What condition does he have exactly?

Does he have a Learning Disability? ie lower than average iQ

Are you in America or the UK?

I'm in the UK. He has Autism and I think he said he has Dyspraxia and that his IQ somewhere around 70.

I wasn't there when his psychologist and support workers said that. I am wondering if he's talking rubbish and making me out to be the bad one.

He knows that I'm obsessed with someone on the spectrum too; so seems to think his behaviour is ok.

I think he is talking rubbish; he's taking advantage of your good nature

It's one thing to be obsessed with a person but it's a completely different thing to harrass them with unwanted contact
and to try and bully them into accepting it with emotional blackmail and pretending other people are ok with it

Are any of your other friends also friends with this person or have they met him? If so what do they think of him?

Have your parents met him and if so what do they think of him?

No that isn't being unreasonable. Also he sounds like he is being manipulative, trying to guilt you into being his friend and talk to him.

I wonder what his story is to his doctor and support workers. I find it odd they would see nothing wrong with it. Or he could be lying about that to manipulate.

Definitely not unreasonable. He's manipulative and he's harassing you. keep away from him. You have to protect yourself and keep yourself safe.

As mentioned before, we met at an Autism support group, which has a Facebook group. We have some mutual friends on there. I have a friend who doesn't really like him - not helped because the branch officer of the support group wrote on the group page that all meetings are cancelled until further notice, which he kicked off about and was being really childish.

My parents haven't met him.

He claims that I'm his best friend - do people really treat their "best friends" this way? My only concern now is turning up to the Autism group and him being there. I am tempted to email the branch officer and inform her about what's gone on.

You won't have to avoid him at meetings if they've all been cancelled until further notice

What's the reason for the meeting cancellations?