How do people push you away or distance themselves?

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What are some strategies NTs use to push you away or distance themselves from you?

In my experience, they use a lot of subtle and not so subtle strategies, which I've compiled in a list below:

1). Explain a problem to an NT. For example, you're having a bad day and need to cry or vent.
Technique for pushing you away: The NT will listen to said problem and then either deny it exists or tell you the problem is not that bad. It is a BRILLIANT STRATEGY, because by denying it exists or its severity, they don't have to listen!

2). Try to have a conversation with an NT just to be social. For example, introduce a common point of reference, such as a well-known restaurant or landmark in the town you both live in.
Technique used: The person will deny they've heard of the landmark or reference! The person and I've lived in the town for ages but the person does not want to talk to me, so they deny they've heard of, say, Main Street. This is a poor example but hopefully you get my drift. The couple of times this has happened, I couldn't figure out whether the person was joking or mocking me in private.

3). Call an NT.
Technique used: The person will deny that they got the phone call when you see them next. I wish they would tell me directly that they just don't like me instead of this sneaky crap. If it happened once, I'd understand, but it has happened enough times that I wonder why people are avoiding me.

4). Sit down near an NT in a group.
Technique used: The NT will leave shortly after you sit down.

5). Try to be friendly with an NT.
Technique used: The person will avoid eye-contact with you and avoid approaching you. But if you speak to them, they will still speak to you but make sure to avoid your gaze.

Some may take offense at this list, because it makes me seem a bit NTish myself I guess, since I don't like it when people avoid eye-contact selectively with me yet give everyone else eye-contact. However, I understand it when people avoid eye-contact altogether, it's just the selective stuff that hurts.

As I read this post over, perhaps I'm just a very annoying person, as it has become clear upon writing that I do most of the work in social interactions. I try to please people and "pass" for NT but maybe they are thinking I'm just a mosquito they need to swat to go the hell away....

Do you have a list? (Feel free to comment or add to the list above)

Last edited by tjr1243 on 04 Jul 2013, 11:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Trust me, it's not just NTs.

Other techniques used (for aspies especially) is that they prefer to be on their own, or don't particularly like meeting people. Then you discover on Facebook that they've met with friends you used to know. Or you see new photos of them in a huge group of people having a laugh.

A most frequent technique is silence.

They hint at you through Facebook that you're not wanted.

They act particularly annoyed with you for no reason in order to distance themselves.

And yes...all of that and not admitting they just don't like you? How much time in our lives would we have save if people were just frank?

So, so much! I agree.

6). The neverending "Giving you a personal insult and then telling you that it wasn't meant to be insulting and that they don't hate you in any way" cycle, while it's crystal clear that you're the only one being victimized by this cycle technique.

7. "Don't call us. We'll call you."

There of course is also the classic, "I'm really busy now but want to catch up soon" - you call, email, sms, or contact them via Facebook or Twitter and they either don't respond or say the above.
Then you find out via their Facebook page they've been out with other friends etc.

There are myriad ways of NT's avoiding us Aspies, but I think if they were really your "friends" and wanted to spend time with you that they would make the effort.

Life is too short to worry about people you like and want to spend time with that don't reciprocate; better to spend time with others that do appreciate you.
That's where the Aspie trait of obsessing can come in handy; you can find an activity or group you can join, where you can meet your "socialisation quota" and spend the rest of your down time doing your own thing, and no one will think any the less of you, as they've seen you at your activity.

Oh and de-activate your Facebook account, it's just another thing to obsess about that will never have a good outcome for you.

They tell me how great they think I am, and then ignore all my further attempts to contact them.

Exactly. I get this strangest reaction from people; they close up and are very evasive....anything but direct. And before I know it, I'm out of the loop and don't know exactly how it got to that point.

I have this happen to me pretty often, too.

Same here. And often, the personal insult is within earshot of me, from someone with whom I thought I was on friendly terms. It has happened several times - the one acquaintance made an insult (talking to someone else about me) and I could hear it! Then when I confronted the person, she denied it was about me at all (this happened in college, in a classroom).

Most common technique I have observed is to pretend you are invisible and not in the room.

I think you just don't have to be friends with everyone and you gotta realize there are different types of friends. E.G a friend that you don't trust much so you won't tell him your dearest secrets, but is fun to hang out with. From my experience NTs are no different than aspies. Like people with asthma are no different from people with schizophrenia or physically handicapped people and so on. I know that because I know many aspies and many NTs. Remember you CAN'T tell what the other person is thinking. Never. So if he just moved a sit maybe he was freezed by the air conditioning, or he saw his best friend sitting on the other side. You can't know. It's hard to treat a thought from a neutral point for EVERYONE, not just aspies; but to not be depressed or mad you have to consider other possibilities. And if you consider everything, you ask the guy and he says "I don't want to sit near you because X" then you know you did everything you can. And ALOT of times you'll be surprised at how things are not directed or planned against you (Same with the "Call NT" thing, maybe he was in a bad time or depressed and he didn't have the right attitude or will or answer your call). I'm not naive, I'm being real.

And IMO everyone has autistic traits. Some people have it so minor that they are called NTs. But we have quite a few of the traits so it becomes a DX, and that's on the paper and that's that. That's not who you are or what you have, I simply look at it as an advice.

maybe you're trying to hang out with aspies?

I can see how people might feel like i'm doing these kind of things but i wouldnt be doing it out of malicious intent. im just uncomfortable around new people.

They only say hello on days they need something from you.

They keep using the "busy" word, but when they want something from you they have all the time in the world to chase you.

"I'm sorry to hear that" = "I don't want to hear about it."

"How ya doin'?" = "What can you do for me?"

Revise accounts accordingly.

By saying they will be in contact and then not.

By just not coming over to you and being "very busy" talking to other people.

The worst I had was a girl who seemed genuinely to be friendly, to arrange for me to meet her somewhere (her suggestion) and she didn't turn up. When I tried calling her repeatedly I just got her voicemail and never heard from her again. She was a colleague in a different department, and I realised much later (so gullible) that she had played me and office politics were involved.