Is there a way of living happily alone?

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Given that I've never had any friends, the idea that I will make any soon is extremely unlikely. But, just like every other mammalian social animal, the need for human companionship never goes away. I'm trapped in a void of loneliness that I just want to escape, one way or the other. Refrain from worrying, I'm not suicidal. Just alone...

I've tried making friends; it never works. People will either try to obviate their interacting with me, try to leave politely should they happen to have to speak to me, or proceed into overt rudeness. This rambling will make me appear self pitying and pathetic...maybe I am.

As should be patently clear, actually interacting with people isn't a likely contestant.

I realize that asking for a magic solution is tantamount to asking for friends, but is there any chance that there is a way of suppressing my need for other people? I've been able to tolerate my loneliness during my childhood, but only because of my mother. I don't feel as if I can keep this up...

Just make a tulpa.

http://tulpa.info/guides/index.html

Refrain from sexual intercourse with it though, or it will continuously rape you until you go insane.

It sounds like BS but it's all real.

I think living alone can always get you the hermit status. Happy? not so sure, because it will always feel like you are doing window shopping, and the item you want you can never have.

I actually had the exact same question a year ago (and still do to an extent, but at least I'm aware that having friends isn't the only way to fulfil that desire).

Well... do you know that, apparently, that desire is fulfilled by the release of oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel like we're connecting to other people when we're interacting? And... it appears that entactogens, a category of drugs with MDMA being the most known, releases it even when we're alone.

So... I don't know if you wouldn't mind 'doing drugs', but entactogens - in very moderate quantities - could effectively destroy loneliness, I think. Some of them have even been developed as anti-depressants... so, it kind of makes sense (although, as opposed to the much milder anti-depressants, entactogens would almost immediately alter the mind for a while).

I lived alone in the past and it was absolutely horrible. The loneliness and the anxiety were intolerable.

Some people can happily live alone if they are, on other ways, less isolated. Having Asperger's, I couldn't become less isolated. It was staring at four blank walls, with a feeling of no purpose to my existence. The ache of terror and fear was the worst.

Some manage because they believe in a higher power maybe. Or they have friends. Or an interest that pleases them so much they don't even think much about being alone.

It seems many on this forum have managed to do this somehow. I personally am not wired for complete isolation.

The days get dark very quickly. It is a lonely world out there - just going to a restaurant or a mall - the dread of going home alone. i couldn't handle it.

It could be my brain chemistry is whacked, but I could never manage completely on my own.

it seems to me that this is one of the better time periods in history to be a shut in. with the internet you can get anything you want without ever leaving your home.

i would LOVE to live alone! i never fully relax or feel completely at ease when others are around. it would be nice to have the lights how i want them, sounds how i tolerate them, feel creative when i want to, get involved with projects or interests without being disturbed, eat the foods only i like to eat and when i want to eat, and not have to be attentive to others when i need my solitude or have been overstimulated, or be disturbed when i'm doing activities that require concentration.

conversely, if there were someone i were to get along with who respected my quirks and boundaries and didn't become offended at my aspie(like?)ness i might be better able to enjoy having others around.

Oh my gosh, I feel so much compassion for you from your post. Please don't feel that you have to suppress your needs or worry about being self-pitying- you're just being honest. Just because it hasn't been easy for you to connect with others doesn't mean you don't need or deserve meaningful relationships with others. I know you were clear about thinking that connecting with others wasn't a possibility, but I wouldn't give up yet.

I live alone and I find that the way I feel when I am alone translates into the way I feel around others. For example, if I have a day where I feel sad and lonely, I tend to appear more sad when I am around others. If I feel positive and happy in my own company, that will translate into the way I talk to others. I learned to feel positive and happy when alone when I decided that I was going to look for the positives, the silver lining, in every situation.

Essentially, I think your ticket to connecting with others is learning to embrace the positives of living alone and being around yourself. Do you live alone or do you live with your mother? Can you make a list of the things you do like about living alone, even if there are negatives? Does your mom have any advice for you? Have you tried to talk to a counselor or therapist for advice?

I hope this helps.

I hate living alone ,and would love to have some friends that can understand my aspergers but i am 27 so the chances of making friends is zero, i dont work and and dont go to pubs or clubs as interaction is difficult..my life is waking up eating going for a drive to my mums ..staying there most of the day and going home to an emty house..i hate it! and have been trying to overcome my fear of people..its not a rational fear..its just people avoid me as i feel the know interaction is difficult so that makes it even harder.

It really helps to focus on the things you like to do, rather than judging your life by the standards our society puts on it. Like, if you're not having lots of sex and going to lots of parties or something, you can't be happy... But that's just not true.

I don't think you are going to be alone forever. Unless you're actually a cruel, uncaring person, there are people out there who would like to hang out with you. You just have to find them. Because you are atypical, it's probably going to be harder for you to find people you like to spend time with than it is for most people, but that's not the end of the world.

In the meantime, find the things you like to do and do them. There's more to life than trying to "live a normal life". Stop constantly comparing yourself to what the world says you ought to be. It's like you're a cat and the world wants you to be a dog, and you're frustrated because you hate games of fetch and you can't stand chewing on rawhide, and you have to sneak your catnip because everybody thinks you're horribly weird for thinking it smells so wonderful. Better to be an unapologetic cat, I think--and eventually find the company of someone who likes cats.

The thing is, it depends on the individual. It sounds to me though as if you would not be happy being alone for your whole life and so you need to work on your people skills. This is something that you should be able to get therapy for. Perhaps you could find an Asperger's support group or group therapy in your area. That way, you can socialize in a safe environment and learn coping strategies from others with similar issues.