How do I respond to this?

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What am I supposed to do in a store if someone threatens to hit me? I don't think she meant it, at least I hope she didn't mean it, and she didn't seem to be mentally ill, she just seemed to be mad that I didn't leave more space around her and it scared me.

Ignore her.

She's probably mentally ill if she gets upset over something like "space."

If she attacks you, call the police.

All in all, just ignore her, and move away (unless you're on line).

I'm a New York City resident. This sort of thing happens on the subway all the time.

It's no use getting into a confrontation. The person's probably too addled to remember you, anyway. If you ignore her, she'll go on to her next victim.

There's a slight possibility that the person could be an Aspie with sensory issues.

I have noticed crowding of personal space with my husband and other people I suspect are on the spectrum. Most people give off vibes that you're crowding their space that you may not be picking up on. Some people can react really badly to having their space threatened. It can make them feel very unsafe and triggers a primal flight or fight and if there's nowhere for them to go ...

The thing to do is to say "Sorry, didn't mean to crowd you..." and walk away or just walk away.

From my experience, people who make the excuse that "you're taking up my space" are angling for a fight. They might have had a bad day and are looking to take it out on somebody.

If a person starts saying "Whatcha lookin' at?"--or say anything related to looking/staring at him/her, then you know the person wants to fight. It is not uncommon for people like that to be paranoid or on drugs (or both).

If somebody feels their personal space is being violated, they don't usually threaten violence.

The best way to avoid a fight is to not give the perpetrator any excuse to start a fight. This is, in the majority of cases, easily accomplished by ignoring the person.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 19 Jan 2015, 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Or she could just be aggressive there are people like that, its not a mental illness per say.

She didn't seem mentally ill, or on the spectrum. I suppose anything is possible, though it seemed like she is just entitled and nasty, threatening me in front of my child and I don't think I ever got closer than two feet away from her, she just considered me to be in her space. Probably she did give some kind of negative vibe how she felt, but it's hard to understand why would anyone who's not disturbed be nasty over this? It seemed like she wanted power over me. And I want to let her go find another victim, I just don't want to set a bad example my little one gives up so quickly if anyone confronts her on anything. You're right though both of you of you, it's better to be safe and get away.

I was scared of her need to be over me. I don't get hierarchies but it seems like that's what she was after. At least she didn't go after my daughter!

You did the smart thing.

I think I see, she maybe wanted to be or feel "better" than me, maybe even a fight, is what I sensed but her escalating came on abruptly and I guess I'm just a little scared still.

I completely agree. Some people just don't like feeling crowded. And if they've given off some nonverbal cue about it and you've missed it, then they're definitely going to get angry. I don't see that as mental illness either, just plain aggressiveness.

I also think it has to do with your position in the store though. For example, if someone says that and you're both standing in line to have items rung up, I would imagine they would be thinking about why someone is so close to them, but also what that person's motives are. So if the person has their wallet/purse out, for example, they may worry about you (in the general sense) trying to get access to it. Though I suppose the purse example could actually work anywhere throughout a store if someone really feels threatened.

If you're worried about setting a bad example, don't be because you did the right thing. You can still have a conversation with your child and debrief about the incident if they're old enough to do so.

Move away, if you felt someone was invading your personal space you'd want them to move if you asked them to wouldn't you? Of course she could have been nicer but hey, maybe she's had a bad day.

Or you could say, "go ahead, but I promise you I'll hit harder." on second thought don't say that.

I get she was looking to be aggressive and I didn't want that so getting away is good, but how much space do people give in a busy store?

I'm not good with distance's, but usually being farther that arms length is good.

I think I was at, or farther than, arms length. She maybe just wanted to target me I guess

Maybe I missed something but I think it's more that I didn't know how to respond when she started going after me that made her feel it was somehow her right to threaten me. And she definitely felt it was her right. Figuring out what's going on and when to ignore, when to say something to smooth things over is difficult.

I hate to say this because it's so unpleasant and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it, but some people get extra anxious around children. I don't get it so much anymore, but I was on the receiving end of a lot of hostility when my son was little for him just being there or taking time to negotiate stairs or whatever. And these things were more likely to happen when he was just being than when he was being 'bad'.

But if you don't know that you were far enough away from her you may have 'breached' her space without realising it - thus heightening her flight or fight even if you were standing a bit further away when she said something. I just spent a whole meeting with a guy who I strongly suspect is on the spectrum bodily leaning over my space to talk to someone else. I don't think he was aware. But it was really unpleasant for me.

There's no good response to this except to apologise (sometimes) but mostly just to walk away. By the mere fact that she's said something that involves violence saying anything like "That's an inappropriate response." or "Are you threatening violence." is only likely to escalate the situation. Someone who would say that is clearly working on a short fuse regardless of what you may have inadvertently done.

Some people are just hostile personalities, full stop. They just are, and they are human ammunition looking for targets. Your "fault" was maybe just that you were unlucky enough to encounter one of them. I remember my last encounter with one - I was lifting a heavy suitcase off an airport baggage roundabout, and because of my hips (which were arthritic then and prone to sudden painful jamming, since replaced), I stumbled and my suitcase lightly brushed that of the young woman next to me. She hissed at me with the most hateful look on her face "Look where you're going, b***h" and pushed me aside as she swung her case up. To see a face contorted by that kind of hostility is chilling.