Eye Contact (research question)

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I know this topic has been discussed to death, but I'm trying to gather some data for the book I'm writing. I've heard several different reasons given for why we generally don't make eye contact appropriately. I'm curious what the most common reasons are and what people think about them.

As for me, I find it both overwhelming and distracting to look someone in the eye. Overwhelming because there are so many tiny movements to process, so much depth there. I know that each tiny movement is indicative of something, but I don't know how to read them. I feel myself getting swept up in the other person's emotions, getting lost and confused and unsure how to respond, while simultaneously I'm aware that they can read just as much in my eyes (and probably understand it better). While all this is happening, I'm distracted from what the person is saying, because I can't process all that visual information and still be listening to someone talk (difficult in and of itself).

I've heard others say that they're simply not interested in someone's eyes. They get no information from them and don't see why they should bother looking someone in the eyes. For people who feel this way, do you find it easy to learn appropriate eye contact and use it properly when you feel the need to "blend in"? Do you not feel any discomfort from making eye contact?

I'm sure there are other reasons as well that I haven't heard about. Please share your thoughts and feelings on eye contact below. The more detailed your explanation, the more useful to me. For NTs, I would be interested in what we look like when it comes to eye contact. In what ways do the autistic people in your life make inappropriate eye contact? How does it make you feel? Do NTs ever have difficulty with eye contact? How does making eye contact feel to you?

It will be a while before my book is finished, but I'm actively working on it and I'll let everyone know when I've made significant progress.

Thanks guys!

EDIT 16.07.13: Thank you everyone for all the replies so far. This is very helpful.

I would like to add something to my original questions, for those who don't mind sharing. Some of you have it on your profiles or signatures, but some do not: what type of autism do you have? High-functioning or low-functioning? And do you consider yourself generally hypersensitive, or hyposensitive? Are any of you answering this question non-verbal?

I will have to do some research into autistsic hyposensitivity when I get to that point in my book. I am extremely hypersensitive, so I don't know much about hyposensitivity. My general impression is that higher-functioning people tend to be hypersensitive, and lower-functioning people tend to be hyposensitive. Is that correct, or is it more complex than that? While my book will be primarily focused on high-functioning autism, I will definitely add notes on lower-functioning types as well, so it's important that I understand the distinction better.

Also, I'm simply interested. : ) Thanks a lot, and keep the information coming. I'll take some time later today to start properly organizing and sorting it. Eventually I will probably ask some of you if I can quote you in the book (this will be a ways down the road though).

Last edited by kotshka on 16 Jul 2013, 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

i think its distracting. and if i maintain eyecontact over some time it becomes overwhelming pretty soon

I voted ''other'' because I have different reasons about eye contact that are not listed in your poll.

My eye contact issues depend on the context.
First off, I generally have no trouble with making eye contact with people who I know, whether I like them or not. Even if I don't know them that well but know their face or name, Also I can make eye contact well with people who I don't know yet but know I will get to know, like starting a new job with new people. I can still automatically make eye contact without no problems.

I can also make eye contact with people whom I've got no choice but to come into contact with, like cashiers, bus-drivers, security at the airport, all of those types of people. Again I have no problems making eye contact.

But with just passing strangers in the street whom I shall never get to know as far as I'm concerned, making eye contact with them is hard for me. I can't handle the awkwardness of passing some stranger in a quiet place and having that compelled feeling of having to look at them. I feel awkward whether I look at them or not, but if I make eye contact with them I worry that I might be intimidating them, even if I smile. I tend to look at them in a nervous, hesitant way, probably because it's not as automatic as making eye contact with people that I know, and they can sense it and I don't like intimidating people.

This is, for the most part, pretty accurate for me; I tend to use the eyebrows, the mouth, tone of voice, and, largely, context to determine a person's emotion; the eye itself does very little for me in terms of revealing emotions. I am able to make eye contact with somebody that is speaking to me when courtesy demands it with relative ease (unless I am nervous or upset); I am not sure how "properly" it is used, but people seldom complain. Now, I tend to look away when I am actually speaking (though I can sometimes remind myself to redirect my attention to their eyes); speaking requires more concentration for me than does listening, and I tend to look off "into space" when I am concentrating on my thoughts. Eye contact is not upsetting or overwhelming to me, unless the person is angry or upset (in which case I find it difficult to look at the person at all).

I said "overwhelming" because usually it makes me very uncomfortable. The only people I can make eye contact with comfortably are a few people I know intimately. Other people, if they are bothered by me not looking them in the eye, I will fake it by looking at their eyebrows or bridge of their nose, etc. instead.

Uninterested in looking at eyes, but not uncomfortable when looking at eyes.

For me, eye looking not natural instinct or interest, but can do on purpose to make others feel normal.

Eye looking, face looking, and hoooman looking are learned behaviors that I didn't have as child.

As child, I didn't look at eyes or faces or hooomans and had no reaction to social stimuli, not because uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or avoidant, but because lack of natural instinct, interest, and understanding.

In autistic population, I think that there are some who are hypersensitive to social stimuli and some who are hyposensitive to social stimuli.

To me, eyes are physical objects, the end.

iResearch into this is ongoing.

I vted other, because it is easier for me to make with people I know, and as a child i did it a bit mor, okay i looked at thier general face and they thought it was eyecontact does that count???

anyways i chose other because as i said im ok with making it occassionally with people i know, but for me it can be both overwhelming, distracting and sometimes I get really anxeous after making eye contact rally really anxous

For me, it is mainly a distraction. I can hear what people are saying slightly BETTER if I don't have to think about where I'm looking. Unfortunately, particularly when I'm referencing something on a piece of paper, I tend to continue to look at the paper rather than at the person's eyes, or even just near the person. My eyes tend to stay where they were last, so at least once they're near the person, it passes for eye contact enough that the person thinks I'm listening and I can actually listen still.

I think it's 1-on-1 conversation where eye contact is the most important. In large groups, people can't look at everyone at once and so they're much less likely to notice one person not making eye contact. Unless I'm just applying my own theory of mind on them and they CAN actually easily and naturally tell exactly who out of the 12-person, panoramic crowd is making eye contact with whom...

It also takes effort for me to notice when other people are making eye contact with me. Even when they are, though, they don't seem to be listening half the time and so I don't glean a very strong connection between eye contact and listening. Especially since making eye contact HURTS my own listening!! ! I suspect quite a few on this board will just flat-out refuse to make eye contact, since it's overwhelming AND distracting to them.

it feels like my eyes are on fire and i have to look at something else like their shoes or hands

i am often made fun of because of it

for me its a combination of being overwhelming and im naturally uninterested in eye contact, making eye contact is a conscious effort for me

Regarding what autistic eye looking or not looking looks like from outside, two observations:

1) High-functioning verbal autistic adults whom I know from autism support groups and research studies look me and eberryone else in faces and eyes, probably as much as NTs and possibly greater duration with different pattern, as professor told me. This indicates possibly top-down directive to look at faces and eyes.

2) Low-functioning non-verbal autistic children and adolescents whom I know from autism education non-profit look me and eberryone else wherever they happen to look, sometimes in faces and eyes and sometimes not, but without obvious avoidant behaviors. This indicates possibly lack of top-down directive to look at faces and eyes.

Also, real-world eye looking behaviors are different from lab-world eye looking behaviors, as professor also told me.

Research is going from lab-world to real-world in present and future.

in own case,eyes trigger fight or flight,its such acute pain,will head bang or bite or punch self when eye contact is locked on to the vision of mine.

this is possibly along with what btbnnyr is saying over low functioning autists-though personaly speaking have known so few that are able to lock onto other people -we generaly see people as being all the same worth and object,they look the same and carry the same attachment/purpose,many of us have very splintered visual processing to which affects how we track things; a person for example can be the same as someone else if they are wearing the same stuff we use to recognise.

people and anything else are made up of lines and colours,mine takes a while to make things come together before being able to process them,but possibly due to the brutal oldskool catholic speech and language therapy had had as a youngster am hyper vigilant to eyes.

Yes , it triggers fight or flight and it is very absorbing as fight or flight is triggered.
Some people for me , two, carry mor attachment than others, but I still cannot lokk into the eyes, but attachment is then without eyes.
To "people are made up of lines and colours: if it is not the 2 attachment people I have difficulty telling people from objects.
If I enter a surrounding where many people are present, people are like coloured shadows for me.
Also in a setting with one person I can sometimes not tell human from background.

I feel very uncomfortable when meeting someone's eyes, even people I have known a long time. However, people want you to look at them when they are talking with you, and not meeting someone's eyes makes you look suspicious.

As a result, I tend to look at the bridge of the nose or beneath the eye area. That way I can see more of what the person's face is doing and give the appearance of looking them in the eyes even if this is not the case. This serves to make both them and I more comfortable and seems to be working well so far.

I'm not very interested in eyes, but I usually make eye contact out of habit even though I'm not paying attention.

I force myself to make eye contact in appropriate situations. I try my best to make as much eye contact as possible but I know I will soon be lost in thought and forget I have to force myself to make eye contact. I have trouble making eye contact when I am with a group of people. I usually don't know where to stare. I glance over to the side a lot for no apparent reason. It helps me stay focused. The more eye contact I make, the less focused I make. Most NTs don't have difficulties making eye contact but some do. Nts find it creepy if you make too much eye contact. They seem to know the appropriate times to make it and the times they can avoid making it.