Terrified of confrontation = getting taken advantage of?

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I'm having a very hard day because this morning I dented a coworker's car in the parking lot and offered to pay her under the table to fix it so my insurance rates wouldn't go up, but after talking to other coworkers, they told me her car had so much damage already I shouldn't have had to do anything and I messed up by offering, because I panicked and now this person thinks she can get something out of me. Like a lot of us, I am both trusting to a fault and terrified of confrontation so I not only don't know if I'm being taken advantage of right now, I also am physically ill at the idea of talking to her and saying the things my other coworkers say I should say.

What is done is done. Learn from it and move on - don't speak to her about it.

I have to speak to her. She's expecting me to pay for repairs I can't afford. Some of which deal with issues that were not even my fault.

Btw I am really afraid of having a meltdown at work over it. Especially since thenumber one thing that sets me off is being told I've made a huge mistake that could completely derail my life and there is nothing I can do about it.

I think you may well have dug yourself a massive hole here.

She can take you for anything she wants now.

If you know what is your fault, pay only for that and no more.

If you're able to, get people to back you up.

Oh sorry I thought you had already paid her,

Well go in with a number you think it is worth, it probably wouldn't even cost much to fix if it is just a dent. If she asks for more then just tell her you can't afford it and will have to go through the insurance to sort it out. If you tell her this she will probably accept less anyway.

Try not to worry about it.. and try not to bump anyone else's car i kid..

Well, the main reason for not using insurance is to keep my premium from going up. So that's really not an option because I can't afford to pay twice as much like happened to a friend after one accident.

This is fair. Pay for the damage you caused but only that.

If she pressures you into paying for pre-existing damage, she is taking advantage of you.

But keep in mind that if you don't pay for the damage you caused because it's not the only damage, then you are taking advantage of her. This can be handled fairly to both you and her by, following Tequila's advice.

I have this problem in a very serious way. Often times, people will do things that really upset me (slamming doors, loud music, inviting people over unannounced, etc,) but I will refuse to talk to them about it because I know that I won't be able to "back myself up" if it became confrontational, and people have been known to tell me to "just deal with it" when I do try to talk about it. Or, when I worked, I would take on much more than I could handle because people knew I wouldn't say 'no' to them. It felt awful.

You have been given some very good advice. Don't let her pressure you into paying for damage that you did not cause.

Unfortunately, the way life usually works, if you avoid confrontation you are more likely to get snookered. Stand your ground (even if you need to write the words) or your co-worker will take it out from under you. Eye contact not necessary.

Other thing is that she may not care at all about the dent if there is loads and loads of other visible damage to the car anyway. She is most likely using the dent (that she doesn't care about, or her car wouldn't have loads of other damage to it) to scam money out of you.

She is taking you for a fool. Resist this.

Giving in too much in such situations over a considerable period of time is what results in low self-esteem and depression, imo.

One has to express one's anger and dissatisfaction, instead of turning it inward - depression is not seldom anger turned inward.