Do you generalise rules beyond the original context?

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superluminary
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09 Dec 2013, 4:12 am

One night a few years ago I was feeling really tired and I wanted to go to bed, but my wife got cross and said it was really boring to go to bed early. So I stayed up late whenever I could, even later than her, for the next three years.

When she asked me why I was staying up so late and I told her, she said that she had only meant it was boring to go to bed early on a Saturday.

Have you ever incorrectly generalised a rule like this?



Last edited by superluminary on 09 Dec 2013, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

delaSHANE
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09 Dec 2013, 4:24 am

Yes. More often than not! : )



superluminary
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09 Dec 2013, 2:07 pm

delaSHANE wrote:
Yes. More often than not! : )

:) Any specific examples?



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09 Dec 2013, 2:31 pm

I think I did it a lot in childhood. I saw all situations as the same and couldn't understand how things were different for each person or child or situation. It was all very confusing for me. I wasn't aware of it then until my pre teens. Mom always had to correct me. It was a matter of figuring out why I was behaving a certain way because my behavior was always learned behavior. My husband pointed out to me I still do this because I take things so literal so if I am told something, I think it's like that every time. I remember the time I was 18, I was told any money I find in the clothes while doing laundry is mine to keep. One day I find 50 bucks and I spend it on a video game because it was like prize money. One day I was talking to my mother and I told her how I found 50 bucks one time in the laundry and she told me it was hers and she was trying to find it and she wants it back. I told her I spent it and she said she still wants it back how much is left over so I had to give her all my money and then I had none for our little trip and was about to not go after all. My dad said to her he did tell me any money I find in there is mine to keep and he meant exactly that so my mom gave me back the money and told me next time I find large bills in there, I have to give it back, not keep it, little bills is fine and coins. Now she tells me. My mom expected I would have the decency to not keep any large bills I find so she didn't think she needed to be specific because she and Dad said any money we find is ours to keep.


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JSBACHlover
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09 Dec 2013, 2:40 pm

Happens to me in two ways:
1) I generalize rules that are meant to be applied only once;
2) I apply only once rules that are meant to be generalized.
And then there is the problem of the "reading between the lines" rules.
Those are the unsaid unwritten rules that I'll get called on because no one spelled them out for me. These are the ones that have especially gotten me into trouble at work, because NTs understand these rules automatically, whereas I have to be told.

Do you want a story? Boss says one time, "Yeah you're doing great. You can take a break." So then I start taking lots of breaks. Then boss says, "Stop taking breaks." And I say, "But you said I was doing great." Boss says, "I don't care that you're doing great, get back to work." So then I am confused, because I thought that doing great = take more breaks. I was eventually fired from that job.....



delaSHANE
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09 Dec 2013, 3:08 pm

I'd give the same description as JSBACHlover, for my own experiences, verbatim -



bumble
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09 Dec 2013, 3:11 pm

Is it a rule?

I sleep when I am tired. As I get up early I go to bed around 10 or 11 pm usually most nights. I only stay up later if I have insomnia.



JSBACHlover
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09 Dec 2013, 3:12 pm

delaSHANE wrote:
I'd give the same description as JSBACHlover, for my own experiences, verbatim -

:bounce:



League_Girl
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09 Dec 2013, 3:25 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
Happens to me in two ways:
1) I generalize rules that are meant to be applied only once;
2) I apply only once rules that are meant to be generalized.
And then there is the problem of the "reading between the lines" rules.
Those are the unsaid unwritten rules that I'll get called on because no one spelled them out for me. These are the ones that have especially gotten me into trouble at work, because NTs understand these rules automatically, whereas I have to be told.

Do you want a story? Boss says one time, "Yeah you're doing great. You can take a break." So then I start taking lots of breaks. Then boss says, "Stop taking breaks." And I say, "But you said I was doing great." Boss says, "I don't care that you're doing great, get back to work." So then I am confused, because I thought that doing great = take more breaks. I was eventually fired from that job.....


I bet if you said "But you said I can take a break if I am doing good" he would realize the misunderstanding and tell you "I meant only that one time, I didn't mean you can take breaks all the time."
Always call people out on what they say when you get in situations like this. People are more likely to tell you then.


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superluminary
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09 Dec 2013, 3:28 pm

bumble wrote:
Is it a rule?

I sleep when I am tired. As I get up early I go to bed around 10 or 11 pm usually most nights. I only stay up later if I have insomnia.


Maybe not a rule, but I definitely don't want to appear boring because of another rule, boring == end or relationship.



JSBACHlover
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09 Dec 2013, 3:31 pm

I freeze when I am challenged by authority. I have to work on assertiveness. Most Aspies do. We're so used to being trampled underfoot.



bumble
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09 Dec 2013, 3:35 pm

superluminary wrote:
bumble wrote:
Is it a rule?

I sleep when I am tired. As I get up early I go to bed around 10 or 11 pm usually most nights. I only stay up later if I have insomnia.


Maybe not a rule, but I definitely don't want to appear boring because of another rule, boring == end or relationship.


Well I am seeking someone who is boring in the same ways that I am, that way we will find each other most fascinating and won't need to change ourselves or our rules to get along together.

I understand what you mean though.



superluminary
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09 Dec 2013, 3:50 pm

bumble wrote:
superluminary wrote:
bumble wrote:
Is it a rule?

I sleep when I am tired. As I get up early I go to bed around 10 or 11 pm usually most nights. I only stay up later if I have insomnia.


Maybe not a rule, but I definitely don't want to appear boring because of another rule, boring == end or relationship.


Well I am seeking someone who is boring in the same ways that I am, that way we will find each other most fascinating and won't need to change ourselves or our rules to get along together.

I understand what you mean though.


That is lovely and you are clearly lovely. I wish you the very best of luck with it :)



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09 Dec 2013, 3:56 pm

Yes all the time! :) and it's not a bad thing!


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delaSHANE
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09 Dec 2013, 3:59 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
delaSHANE wrote:
I'd give the same description as JSBACHlover, for my own experiences, verbatim -

:bounce:


:)



delaSHANE
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09 Dec 2013, 4:06 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
I freeze when I am challenged by authority. I have to work on assertiveness. Most Aspies do. We're so used to being trampled underfoot.


...add potential Theory of Mind issues to the mix, and the real fun begins. Yikes:)