Aspie Sister - does she know? I do.

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Looking back now, I see that growing up my sister displayed all the typical aspie signs but was never diagnosed. It was hard being her little sister because I watched her suffer constantly in social situations. I tried to get close to her but she never let me in. She kept her door shut and obsessed on the things she liked. Then it became easier for me to just stay away.

Now we are grown and things are better. She is married, (to another aspie I suspect) and I am trying to find out more about the syndrome on my own.

We have never talked about her being an aspie, but her husband once told me he suspects he is. Plus he has said things to me like, "I hate parties", "I hate noise" and "I like dark rooms". (Their house is kept so dark a I find difficult to deal with!)

I find other things difficult to deal with too and I suspect it all has to do with Aspergers. The biggest problem is lack of social reciprocity, the other is how they obsess on certain things and force them on me for hours. But I can get over that. I really love them both.

So my question is this: How do you guys deal and feel about your NT siblings? And what can an NT sibling do to support? (Right now I just try to listen for as long as I can about their latest interest while I sit in the dark.)

Also, I don't know if my sister has any care or suspicion that she is an Aspie... So I guess I should just leave the topic alone. She once said she doesn't think social problems are real problems worth dealing with. (She was referring to her weight at the time) -So my guess is she wouldn't think this was worth addressing either....

So even though I suspect she is an aspie, I won't bring it up. Is that the right thing to do?

Thanks for all of your feedback guys.

If your sister doesn't think it's a problem, it's not a problem.
For me, the border between diagnosis or not goes with AS causing serious problems in a person's life.
Leave it alone until she brings the subject up - and visit her to enjoy her company, dark or not. Invite her over if you want things more your way!

my sister has worked with people all along the spectrum, so that helps, she can see the behaviours that are HUGE in the really autistic kids at, say, camp lost-of-fun or at one of the schools she used to work at that are much lesser in me <they do a skitter hop walk all the time, I only do it when I'm having a REALLY aspie day, I freak out a little when wal mart moved a display when I just want to be out of there quickly (usually because their crowded) the autistic kids freak out if their chair was moved during recess>

that helps immensly, that she has seen it in a much more exaggerated fashion

it also helps that we're fairly eccentric as a whole.

I would never talk to my sister about AS. There are several reasons for this. I don't think she would understand. She is a teenagers and has become the kind of person who made my life so miserable in high school. Also I think if she knew she would just make fun of me. She watched a program on TV a while ago called "True Life: I have Tourettes". and has been making fun of the people in it ever since. I don't need another reason to have low self esteem.

Eyphur,

Your sister may not understand you and AS now as a teenager, but she may one day in the future. I didn't get along with my AS sister either when I was young, but things are much better today. Of course I am 29 years old now and she is 35. -So me growing up has helped a lot I think.

When we were young she thought I was a 'stupid person' and I thought she was 'weird'. We kept apart from each other and I guess that was for the best. Overtime though I saw she was a really cool person who knows a lot about cool stuff. She is someone I really like talking to now. And now that I am older and can think for myself, I think she sees me as someone worth talking to.

Of course, I still cringe when she orders triple fries and no veggies when we go out to eat, but I bet she cringes when I say I want to go buy some 'super cute shoes' or something lame like that. It is also weird how at 35 she collects toy rabbits...but that is just her and I have learned to accept it. Just like I am sure she has learned to accept my past ignorance and the fact that I was a diet obsessed cheerleader for years. We are trying to see past our differences and doing a good job of it I think.

So give your little sister time, (maybe a lot of time) and perhaps she will come around too. Until then, give her distance. People really do grow up and change. I am trying to.

One thing I would be careful about is "diagnosing" other people with stuff like this. Alot of people are introverted without having AS, and introversion of any kind naturally leads to outside interests, I think. So it's possible she has other things going on. But to answer your question, my NT sister has always been an extrovert and I have to admit that throughout high school I was kind of jealous because the rare friends I brought home always seemed to be more interested in flirting with her than hanging out with me. But now that I know I have AS I recognize that I have a problem that she doesn't and we have a pretty normal relationship (although, I guess we did in the first place anyway). Still though, I'm pretty sure I'm a bit smarter than her and I think sometimes she has trouble keeping up with me on an intellectual level, which sort of counterbalances my social handicap. The best way you could give support I think is to not call attention to her awkwardness , and don't avoid her because of it, just do your best to have a close relationship and realize that although she might seem like she doesn't appreciate it, deep down she probably does.

You sound like you were a good sister.