What do I do to live happier with a neurotypical parent?

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I am a girl who is thirteen years of age, I am between testing for asperger's syndrome, and ADHD. I live with just my mom, and I think that the person who lives somewhere in my house is my cousin, but I really don't know for sure. My mom seems like she is nice to other people, but she gets really mean. She gets mad at me every single day, and I get very upset from it. She says that when she says it's time to stop talking about something, then I have to stop. I don't think that it's fair that I should have to stop explaining something to her that I want her to know all the time. Usually I am explaining to her why and how she confused me, or why and how what she did made me upset, and when she doesn't understand, then I continue to explain with more details and emphasis on particular things, but then she still doesn't understand or even care why I am upset or extremely confused. She yells at me a lot, and I don't understand why. She literally pushes me away, and when I say things to her, she says, "Here we go again," and that makes me really upset, because she makes it seems like everything I say is just some kind of repeated, unneeded, stupid words. She says that I am overreacting to things, but I get upset really easily, and I cry really easily as well. She yells at me so much, and makes me feel really unwanted. She leaves the room all the time.

What do other aspies do when their possibly neurotypical parent gets extremely mad at them often?

Hello, this sounds like your mum is just as frustrated with the communication problems as you are. So if your mum is Neurotypical and you are Neurodiverse it is unlikely that you will be able to describe how you feel and it translating well. We see the world through very different eyes. I often feel like I am talking a different language to other people.

The best thing you can do right now is avoid the situations that cause friction and find an alternative way to communicate.

When you get down to the little details it may well come across to your mum that you are being critical of her, and that makes her angry. When you get frustrated try to remove yourself from the situation to a better place before it gets too emotional. Write down how you feel, when you have calmed down, revise what you have written into a letter to your mother. Give this to her when it's appropriate, she can read it when it suits her best. Remember to say some positive things, make sure it is something you would like to receive if you were in her position.

Tell her you want to improve communication, ask her to write how she feels in return. If this works continue until you both can talk about situations without getting upset. You want her to change, be prepared to try and change your behaviour too.

Good luck, keep trying, life will get better.

I second the entirety of neilson's post; the letter writing idea has proven useful in my own situation.

Also, it may help to have a psychologist speak with both your mother and you, such as in a group consuming scenario; a good psychologist is an excellent translator, no matter what the "languages" may be, and can help everybody to express their opinions in a calm and honest manner. Of course, your mom has to be willing to do this, as well.

As neilson said, she may be frustrated that she does not understand, and her frustration may be expressed as anger. It is also possible that she is afraid for you and your future, that your quirks may somehow impede your success in life (parents are prone to this even when the "quirks" in question are very minor, such as a boy wearing a purple t-shirt), and she may be expressing this fear as anger (this was the case with my father). Still, you do not deserve to be yelled at and pushed; her communication skills, like those of many people, neurodiverse or not, could use some improvement as well.


I know this feeling all too well. For some people, tears are something that can be help back; for people like us, tears are something that happen without our ability to control it. The first group has much difficulty understanding the latter group.


What I tend to do is withdraw from the world with the use of earphones and my imaginary inner life, but I would not recommend this approach.
Understanding that your parents are human, however, and that humans are prone to unjust anger and frustration, may help a bit; their yelling may be similar to your crying-- it just happens.
If you show your mom love, understanding, and compassion, regardless of her actions (which you may already do), then she may return the favor, even if it takes a while for her to catch on. Try to do sometime nice for her daily, such as do a chore that you do not typically do, call her during lunch hour, if she has one, just to see how she is doing and wish her a good day, or cook her a dish she really likes, if you can cook.

Best of luck and peace to you and your family. <3

If I may suggest this... I write a blog series called "Care and Feeding of Your Aspie."

I believe that what you are experiencing is a result of a lack of understanding... NTs don't truly understand that a lot of what we are cannot be helped and as such, they can't grasp that we need understanding and acceptance on those few things...

Take a look at my series... and if you think it would help her to read it, show it to her...

Here is a link to the forum topic where I post them all