I have always wanted to go on holiday with my friend, and seeing as I have never been abroad it seemed a good idea to have one within the UK so I can get used to the idea of what a holiday is about etc. I talked to my friend and we decided to go to Newquay, Cornwall. Originally it was so I could meet a very long term internet friend who I have spoken to since about 2007 and we have always wanted to meet. Well i'm having so much problems with even the idea of going through with this and I would appreciate any help and advice.
I'm 21 and I have SAD, Aspergers/Autism, OCD, and ADHD. Only yesterday an indecent happened where my friend fell of his bicycle at speed and hit his head on the floor and was unconcious, and i didnt know what to do I litterally turned into "child mode" and watched everyone rush over and I was left stood there not know what was happening or anything. He is fine now, by the way. This wouldnt be the first time a situation such as that had presented itself, and I am in a situation where im like a lost child not knowing what to do when why how or what. I keep thinking about it and how I couldnt do anything because i didnt know what to do, if me and my friend were to take this trip to cornwall what if something was to happen? What I dont like it, even though we agreed we would use my car as transport, i feel that i am being relied upon for getting us there almost to the point I dont want to go. All fuel costs etc have been discussed, but its that thought of pressure and responsibility on my part... though I will probably be fine it's just thinking about leading upto it happening which makes me feel this way. Sorry if I am going off subject I find it hard to keep on the same topic without drifting away. What I really don't like is that my friend seems ignorant to my conditions, thought he is a real good friend sometimes but when it comes to these situations there is no understanding, a few hours after the incedent he asked "why couldn't you phone an ambulance" and im stood there feeling like a stupid idiot because for something that seems so easy I could never do when im in a panic state like that, regardless of me explaining this he still gives the attitude "well I would have done it for you" not giving any understanding to any of my conditions or how i even get in these states.
I can't see how I can go on this trip with him, when he has no understanding of my conditions though he says he does. Infact when he was talking to a friend of ours she mentioned about a young relative she has with autism, and my friend turned around and said to both of us "yeah i know what its like my brother has the highest level of autism" which is totally absolutely wrong. There is no highest level, hes brother doesnt even have a high level of it, as he can walk, talk, and act like any other person. I know a person from school who i visit sometimes (excuse my ignorance) who is on the very extreme scale of autism where he is 6 or 7 years old in his mind, but is 20. I don't understand how my friend can act like he knows anything about any condition at all when he doesnt want to try to understand, like when he talks about us going to new places such as a snooker hall or something, he asks "why are you being stupid? just walk in with me its fine i cant believe your being like this ffs"
Im really sorry to have rambled on, but yeah, my main question is here is it sensible for me to be taking this trip with my friend, when A) its me driving us B) if something happens wont be of any use whatsoever, he knows this, but refuses to take any understanding of it C) it's all goign to be new things people and places and i dont know how im going to respond and D) i really dont think he has any comprehension of how he will have to take actual care of me, as im very vulnerable.
Any advice on the matter would be extremely appreciated, I have so much anxiety just thinking about what would happen if i was to turn around and tell him i don't want to go because of the above reasons.
25 Jul 2013, 8:59 am
