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HopefulFlower
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24 Jul 2013, 6:25 am

I get overwhelmed with people and if you don't give me time to recoup by being alone and just being by myself I'll get irritable and snap at you. I did that with my exboyfriend when were dating. He didn't know about my AS. I just need my me time. And sometimes when my bff sleeps over I need to spend an hour to an hour and a half alone away from her. I enjoy this time too. Is this part of aspergers? If it is I want to explain it to my bff because she's coming over some weekend in next month. I don't want her to feel neglected (My mom is the one who brought that to my mind). I always leave her with my computer to use and then there's the TV. Also is anyone else like this?

Also I enjoy being with them. It's just...


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grahamguitarman
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24 Jul 2013, 6:34 am

Yes I'm like it all the time. When my best friend is over my wife is always telling me off for drifting off and ignoring him, but I just can't help it :(

Even though I'm married we have two separate beds, they are pushed side by side, but I still prefer her to sleep on her bed and not encroach on my side 8O

If I want 'intimacy' I can easily roll over onto her bed for it, though usually I like to keep my space to myself. The strange thing is that even though I love 'me' time, I also love the company of my wife and kids, and enjoy having my few limited friends over.

Like you said - its not being antisocial so much as not being able to actually cope with people for long.


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yellowtamarin
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24 Jul 2013, 6:54 am

It's a part of introversion, and many aspies are introverted.



Jonov
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24 Jul 2013, 6:54 am

I can very much relate to this and I also see the same in my mother (HFA) and my sister (AS), all 3 of us also noticed that my father should take such breaks, but since he has been diagnosed with classic autism it seems as though he does not realize he needs such breaks, and seems unable to determine when he has reached his maximum amount of social interactions.

I do however disguise this need enough to not have it happen while a friend or family is coming to visit, which means I often need a day to "reset" after I had a social event, when I was younger I would for instance play on my Gameboy while we had visitors over, it would somehow give me more control over the situation as my Gameboy was my safety-zone, I see my sister do the same on her smartphone when she and my parents come over for lunch .



grahamguitarman
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24 Jul 2013, 6:58 am

I love my iPhone - its such a comfort when I am forced to socialise ;) just like your gameboy :lol:


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I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.


Joe90
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24 Jul 2013, 7:17 am

Yes, which is why I don't wish to work full-time. But nobody understands me when I say this. People just say, ''nobody likes working full-time but some of us haven't got the choice''. I know that is true but needing alone time isn't always the same as wanting. Yes NTs probably do want time to themselves too but they probably don't need it as much as I do, unless they're suffering from a crisis in their life or depression or something. I remember a few months ago at work a woman there had bad depression, and kept on phoning in sick because she couldn't face coming in. She had to phone in sick because she worked too much which wasn't doing her depression any good. She had counseling sessions too, which weren't at week-ends or evenings, and so she had to take time off for that too. And that's what I would be doing if I worked full-time. Some mornings I wake up and really can't go on, but I go into work anyway because I know that I only do part-time.


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neilson_wheels
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24 Jul 2013, 7:25 am

HopefulFlower - Do you discuss this with your friend or do you just slip away quietly?



HopefulFlower
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24 Jul 2013, 7:39 am

neilson_wheels wrote:
HopefulFlower - Do you discuss this with your friend or do you just slip away quietly?


I'm very awkward about it. I just bluntly say "Hey, I'm gonna go in my room by myself for a while. Here you can use my computer." At first I'm like waiting for the right moment but I realize there isn't that right moment... that are I just can't find it. So it's an awkward moment lol but she always acts like it's all good. That's just the kind of person she is.


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neilson_wheels
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24 Jul 2013, 7:52 am

When you need to get out, you need to do just that, hanging around will just stress you more.

You could write your friend a letter on your machine, when you need to leave, give her the computer and tell her there is something for her on it. If not like this, a hand written note, piece of art or something else.

She sounds like a good friend, you should offer her an explanation even if you don't want to discuss AS.

Have a good weekend when you guys get together. :D



Last edited by neilson_wheels on 24 Jul 2013, 8:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

zer0netgain
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24 Jul 2013, 8:08 am

[waves hand]



Cilantro
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24 Jul 2013, 10:29 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
It's a part of introversion, and many aspies are introverted.


^

Yep. It comes in varying degrees, too.



xarrid
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24 Jul 2013, 11:06 am

HopefulFlower wrote:
I get overwhelmed with people and if you don't give me time to recoup by being alone and just being by myself I'll get irritable and snap at you. I did that with my exboyfriend when were dating. He didn't know about my AS. I just need my me time. And sometimes when my bff sleeps over I need to spend an hour to an hour and a half alone away from her. I enjoy this time too. Is this part of aspergers? If it is I want to explain it to my bff because she's coming over some weekend in next month. I don't want her to feel neglected (My mom is the one who brought that to my mind). I always leave her with my computer to use and then there's the TV. Also is anyone else like this?

Also I enjoy being with them. It's just...


Imagine being married with a 4y/o son and a dog. All wanting your attention right when you want that alone time! Now I have to have the world's best wife as she knows that when I'm needing that time she makes sure I get it. :)



Rascal77s
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24 Jul 2013, 2:43 pm

I need a lot of alone time. I do enjoy being around some people but I find it very difficult to have a normal relationship with people. I know this is going to sound really f****d up (and I've been working on it with a therapist for the past 8 months), when I do have people around me they are more like objects that I like having around. I don't like much interaction with people, it's just that I find some kind of comfort having certain people around me.

Every human needs alone time, the key is finding the right balance. I think many of us on WP struggle to find that balance because we have a hard time recognizing and understanding the needs of others.



CockneyRebel
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24 Jul 2013, 4:41 pm

I like being with my friends, but I also need a lot of alone time.


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yellowlab
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25 Jul 2013, 12:44 am

I can so relate. I need my alone time as well even though I do like being around certein people for a certein period of a time.



League_Girl
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25 Jul 2013, 2:05 am

I like being with my son and husband and family but I also like being alone. But yet I can have my son in the room with me. My husband is the same way too but it's because he is in pain and he doesn't like to be seen suffering or if he cries. He often keeps himself shut in his room with the computer. My mom doesn't understand and thinks he is making excuses. But I know it's social anxiety and I don't think she understands he has that. It doesn't bother me he does it because I like my alone time and he thinks that is what makes things work between us because we both like to be alone.


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