I have an interesting story for you guys. I have been taking Adderall from late 2003 up until I stopped taking it two and a half months ago. It worked well up until 2010 when things started going downhill. I was starting to have major panic attacks for no reason at all starting in late 2010, my short term memory started to get worse in 2011. I started to get major anxiety 24/7. The anxiety slowly but surely robbed me of my confidence and self-esteem. I started worrying about everything there is to worry about, and there was little I could do to stop it. I started to get mood swings and my clumsiness got much worse.
My social network began to collapse since It was getting more and more difficult to post anything on the internet due to severe anxiety and very severe writer's block. I couldn't even send a Facebook message to a very close friend without a major panic attack. I once got a phone number and e-mail address from a girl, and despite success, a major panic attack occurred immediately after getting said items from the girl. Even socializing in person became nearly impossible, but I could manage it in rare circumstances. Going out in public became a struggle to cope with sensory overloads becoming much more frequent. Meltdowns, thank goodness, did not increase in frequency. Also, I was finding it harder and harder to concentrate in class as I was constantly forgetting things (something that hasn't occurred in a very long time). Even concentrating on my special interests (especially buses and elevators) would become anxiety-inducing. My hypersensitivity to certain sounds got much worse. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle a job of any kind, nor do anything like filming buses and elevators without suffering panic attacks.
I didn't know why these things were happening, but I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what. At first, I thought it was Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Anxiety disorder, but I quickly ruled those out when I started taking B complex vitamins. B complex vitamins worked somewhat to reduce Adderall's negative side effects, but not enough to allow me to live a happy life. I switched to 100 mg B complex back in February, which helped quite a bit, but stress would bring back the panic attacks and anxiety. It was during this period that I revived my interest in buses and I started taking pictures and filming buses on Monday, April 8.
But I knew that in order to have a good chance of living a successful life, I would have to completely stop taking Adderall. I did secretly stop on May 9. The anxiety did get worse on my first day off the medication, but only the first day. I did get one major panic attack while filming buses on June 3, but this time it was sugar-induced. As I started filming more buses, and as of July 8, elevators as well, my confidence and self-esteem is slowly-but surely coming back. I can once again socialize without severe anxiety and I can once again post on here with little to no problem. I am confident that I can handle going to college full-time and rebuild my social network along with concentrating on my special interests (buses and elevators).
But, my well-meaning, but overprotective mother is in denial about the side effects the Adderall was causing. She merely thinks it is a phase in my life that everybody goes through. I tried explaining the situation to her more than once, but she won't listen. She claims that I have to have the Adderall to live a successful life and doesn't want me to stop taking the Adderall (she's not aware that I have already stopped taking the drug). I do plan on telling her that I have stopped taking the Adderall in about two years or so from now. Maybe then she'll believe me about the Adderall's negative side effects and how they (nearly) brought my life to a crashing halt.
If I move out, we would both be homeless, which would negative impact both our lives. We are both dependent on public transportation to get around, which really sucks where I live thanks to the economy crisis forcing bus service to be cut in half. My mother has PTSD due to being bullied and victimized her entire life, even to this day (due to certain events that happened back in the 1980's before I was born). The cops will do nothing about the harassment. She's also got Crohn's disease and is on disability. Nobody will take care of her, so it is I who is taking care of her.
All I ask is for some support and advice on how to deal with the situation.
25 Jul 2013, 10:28 pm
I stayed with my late mother [who was ill] until she passed in 2008, then at the age of [ahem] I finally was free to be me, alone. the way I see it, your mother needs you, and if I were you that would be my priority in life. I would feel, were in in your situation, that if I left my mother to the elements of her life, that would put me at the same callous level of the other "nobodies" that won't help to take care of her. I would not like to see myself reflected in that same dim light. just my opinion.
