Where do I fit??

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So, last week I had a meeting with a Psychologist and was told that I very likely DO fall into the spectrum of being an Aspie. At this point I feel pretty confidently that I am. She mentioned it in my record, but was not going to put it as an absolute because it MIGHT affect my career.

I am 43, married for 10 years, two kids, etc...

A month ago I had no idea that I might be part of this group and really had little understanding of AS. I had someone who came to work for me who told me up front that he had AS, so I decided to learn a bit about it so that I would have some idea of what to look for and how to handle him and just generally know more about it. My background previous to this is that I WAS a school teacher with my Masters in Education, so I knew just enough to realize I didnt know anything. In typical Aspie fashion I dove in headfirst and learned a lot in short order. As I was going through I started to realize that I fit many of the descriptors, thus leading me to my meetings with the Psychologist last week.

I havent told my wife yet - life just has a way of preventing those types of conversations by limiting time. Maybe in the next day or two I will find the time, but even after 10 years its still socially awkward trying to talk about something serious with my wife in a house full of guests and two kids. I told her that I was going to see someone about it last week and told her my own theories about being an Aspie, but she hasnt asked about the appointment. I think asking about it scares her honestly.

The more I have learned, especially watching youtube videos the more I feel like AS adequately fits where I am. Its one thing reading about it, but another to listen to experts and those with AS and hear my own voice saying those words.

So, where do I begin?? What do I do now?? What should my next step be??

Where you begin is to continue to live your life. You are the same person today as you were yesterday, except you know more of "why" you do some of the things you do.

What do you do now? You continue to see your Psychologist and work with him/her on the things you need to work on to improve your life. Have your wife help you with the things that you need to work on, just like you both have done for the past 10 years.

You are still you, you are still the same person your wife married. Remember that and you'll be fine I think.

Who you are as a person doesn't change with a label. You are still the same guy your wife married with or without a diagnosis. The more knowledge you have about yourself though, the better you'll be able to manage any bumps or obstacles you may come across.

Yeah, you're still the same guy. If you've lived with it for half a lifetime, you've probably learned how to cope really well.

Tell your wife this: You know I'm quirky; now you know why. There's nothing about me that you don't already know. It's just that we have a name for it now.

Name some specific problems that you think this diagnosis might help you with. Do you have sensory problems, for example? Do you have problems keeping up conversations in large groups of people? Little things like that can get annoying, but now that you know about them and why they're there, you can work around them better. Chances are you and your wife have already worked out how to communicate, but now you'll have reasons for all the things you've had to do to work around the quirks and reach each other. Maybe she's learned she has to tell you things in words; maybe you've learned that she wants redundant information just to reassure her that you love her. Maybe she even has a few Aspie traits herself--not uncommon, since people tend to fall in love with those a lot like themselves.

Autism's nothing to be ashamed of. On the mild end it can be completely invisible. People with autism can be good parents, good spouses, good employees.

You could bring her here. She could ask questions. We have all kinds of autistics here, and parents of autistic kids, from mild to severe and all different styles, from the math-loving nerd to the artistic visual thinker and everything in between. But she probably knows a lot more than she thinks she does, because she knows YOU.

Hello again and thank you for the replies.

I guess my question was rather vague in retrospect. I understand that I am the same guy. I understand that I havent changed and that I just have a name to put with all my quirkiness.

I suppose I would rephrase my question by asking how do I better learn to deal with these things?? I feel like I need to be proactive in figuring out how to better deal with my idiosyncrasies and oddities.

I probably need to follow Callistas suggestion and figure out what the specific problems are that I need to work on.

Hi, I am in a similar situation although I do have a diagnosis. I was diagnosed this year at over 60. I know I am the same person although it explains my 'weirdness'. However, I cannot tell my family and certainly not people I work with. I have just started specialist counselling so hopefully this will be of help.
Do you have any issues that led you to seek diagnosis? I assume you have so as Callista suggests, focus on these first.

I fuly understand not being able to tell your co-workers, I am very much the same way. However if I may ask, why can you not share with your family?

How would this happen? Does your job automatically have access to you private medical data? I thought there were legal protections against that?

You are over 40 and have been doing your job for a long time. How would this label change any of the years of experience that resulted in your current position?

I don't understand this at all.

I suggest you put Callista's plan into action. Rather than try to absorb as much information as possible, the proactive part will be to make a comprehensive list of ASC traits, rate yourself on each trait, learn how to improve on the traits that you feel most affected by, don't try to do too much all at once. Slow and steady wins the race.

Personally I do not feel that a professional diagnosis is worth much in your position, or for myself either. When classed as 'highly functioning' and at an age where there is no real support available it is just another box ticked. If you can improve yourself and your relationships everyone should be happier. Just go your own way. Good luck.

Yes, my medical records are tied to my job without going into too much detail that I am not comfortable with yet. It gets noted in a block that could affect my promotions and other opportunities.

It would simply explain a bit about why I have made certain choices and why I have done certain things certain ways over the years that are "outside" the box.