Is there any point learning?

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When people say "hi" or "hey, how are you?", I either say nothing, or I go on a long ramble about something that's wrong with me. My brain literally cannot calculate the "correct" NT answer, even though I've tried rehearsing it.

When people talk to each other, if I hear someone say a word or a sentence that triggers off my interests in scientific topics, I will start rambling non-stop about it until the people walk off or butt in. (And often I carry on talking even though they butt in)

Often when I speak, I speak too fast and use a hyperlexic-style way of talking. I get responses like "I have no idea what you said" or "can you repeat that?".

Also I keep saying things that others don't like.

Now my Dad said that I need to learn how to communicate "correctly" and effectively with other people. My best friend (who is also AS) said that there is no point.

I struggle very hard to communicate "correctly" and effectively, and it rarely works out.

Often I go mute when I am in a group or when I am in an unfamiliar environment. However when I get more accustomed, I start on the rambling.

What is your opinion? Should I train myself to communicate in the "right" way, or should I just not care?

To stop caring is to isolate yourself, so I don't think you should simply not try.

But at the same time, you have to also be aware of your own limitations and work around them. You don't have to become NT, just train yourself to be able to navigate the real world more easily. This should be to your benefit though, not to others.

Stimming for example has no real impact on your ability to function in the world, so there is no need to care about that, even if it irritates others.

But if you cannot make yourself understood, then it is of no benefit to you at all, because you will struggle to get the outcomes you need. So this should be worked on.

I also can tend to babble on about favourite subjects, but I am aware of it, and that it can drive people away. If I drive people away then they might not be there when I need them. So I have trained myself to hold back on those subjects to certain people. If its to someone who shares the same interests though then I babble away. I haven't changed who I am, I've just learned when to put a lid on it and when not to. I'm still working on trying to talk slower as well, though that is hard work

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Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.

I often just say I'm fine and with that my mood tends to lift a bit and I forget about things for a minute and can go on with the conversation - unless it's a good friend then I tell them it's awful if it's awful, good if it's good.

If you learn to communicate successfully, it will help you dramatically in both your professional and personal life. Communication is an essential part of nearly every type of job nowadays, so if you struggle with it then employment will be that much harder.

As for what to say when someone says "Hi, how are you?", the "correct" response is along the lines of "I'm doing well, and you?". If you can also briefly mention something that has recently happened in your life. For example, you can respond with something like this also: "I'm doing pretty well, I just can't wait to finish these TPS reports! I'm planning to go to this new restaurant after work and I'm really excited to try it!" It's simply meant as a light greeting that can potentially open the door the door to further conversation. The first type of reply is good if you're just passing someone, the second type if you want to start a longer conversation with them.

That's just one thing though. I think that counseling may be a good option to work on your communication skills, as they can let you know exactly what you may be doing wrong, and provide suggestions on how you can improve.

I too, find myself actually explaining "how I am doing". It's not as big of a deal to them as it is to us. I just use a canned, parrot-like response:

"Hey" gets "hey" in return.
"Hi" gets "hi".
"Good morning" gets "good morning".

This is the quickest/best way to avoid a conversation for me. I go to work to work hard and collect a paycheck, not to chat. I can only tolerate so much chatting so I try to save it for my wife and kids.

Be as true to yourself as possible while maintaining self preservation. When you have to put the "NT" mask on to make it in life, do it; just be careful, because sometimes the mask falls off.

I can relate. It feels weird to me to not explain what is actually up if somebody asks what's up. But it turns out I really just gotta use this little lookup table of standard answers to standard questions.
Just gotta realize that people simply aren't interested if you're not specifically meeting up to talk about that topic. Works good enough for me...

I do think it's worth it to learn. Don't stress out trying to be like an NT, but learning is a constant process. Try to pick up communication skills as you go. It might help to make them aware of what you are.... it helps me in interactions....

I'm not sure if it would help, but it makes it easier for me if I think of it in terms of a game. I love games.

Ok, I just forgot what I was supposed to be talking about, so I'm going to the next thread. lol sorry bout that.

The question I would throw back at you would be, do you want to? It took a very long time for me to learn how to just parrot back. Now I do live in a city where everyone says hello to everyone else, even people you do not know so I have gotten 35+ years of practice.

But yes I think being able to "mesh" with NTs is, in my view, a good thing. I have the ability to adapt my mask, it makes the NT's more comfortable which in turns makes my life easier and I have fewer meltdowns. Win - Win.

Just say hello, hi, good, fine, thank you.

It's not unreasonable for an autistic person who can go on and on and on about various topics to learn to do this social basic.

With a smile (which presumably you once knew), your whole world will open up like the sun coming out, as this is the living organic bridge between human beings, all of whom are individual with their own subjective and unique experience, all of whom are probably in some way suffering, at least subliminally, and all of whom, in a sense, are all one body, as when a universe of surrounding people starts kind of working together, something very interesting is happening. Now this perspective is a pristine as a math formula, but in order to get the gist of it it is necessary to use the functions in a new way, just like when learning to ride a bicycle....so here is something to ponder in the deep dark of the night before you fall asleep, and at other times, too, but, as someone en this thread wrote, you should only do it if you want to....so....or should it be put "sew" or "sow"??. the mathematics of a smile that is not contrived but arises naturally...so how does it arise and what is function of it?...a new kind of math:-)

You are very young and a whole world of discovery and learning is ahead for you....

Thank you everyone for the helpful advice.

I will practise conversation and stock phrases, I'll ask my Dad to help me as well.

I'm rubbish at smiling but I'll practise.

Thanks.

There's not exactly a way to practice smiling because you already know how....this is why i tried to present it in such a way that you can begin to look at it as a (new kind of) math equation...for instance, if a wee smile ever does hapopen to spontaneously break through the clouds, afterwards you could kind of run backwards through your mind what happened and so discover the dynamics of a smile....or you could simply observe other people as they are smiling and kind of just feel along with it....and probably there are some other possibilities....

The parrot responses are my usual go-to.

"Hey, what's up?"
"Not much, you?"
Blah blah blah.

"Hey, how's it going?"
"Not bad, you?"
Blah blah blah.

I actually love greeting people in the morning hours, because there's something really nice and succinct about simply saying "'morning". It's to the point where I actually have a harder time greeting people at other times of day because no other time of day sounds as natural in a greeting.

I love Venice best, there all you have to do is say Ciao, it serves as hello, goodbye, good morning, nice to see you etc. I doesn't matter what time of day it is you just say ciao and you are done

I'm going to live there in my retirement I think

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Autistic dad to an autistic boy and loving it - its always fun in our house

I have Autism. My communication difficulties mean that I sometimes get words wrong, that what I mean is not what comes out.

I would agree with your friend. I don't do social scripts yet have been very successful. I just don't bother socially much because I don't want to burden my mind and compromise my functioning in other areas. I do, however, try to engage with people who share my interests. Also, because I often engage in conversation to get information or to share experiences, I do ask concrete, topic-focused questions. I also try not to interrupt and wait for a pause to speak, but that's about it.

I know the whole emotional-social bounce back and forth is not natural for me at all, so why put on something that you can't really engage in fully, anyway?

I am, however, a strong communicator and am very self-aware, so I can explain things about myself well and people get it.

I am 41 years old, and looking back at the last few decades, I think my life would have been much worse if I had not learned and practiced the protocol. Please do try.

The rules and responses are almost laughably simple, but are difficult to learn because they seem utterly arbitrary and nonsensical, and there are a lot of them. You will need to build up their enumeration by observation, rather than reason.

It gets easier with practice, too. Eventually the dance will seem almost automatic, but getting to that point can take a long time.

Our power is limited by whatever we have in the least measure, so maximum empowerment is had by shoring up our weaknesses. Certainly, our inability to communicate with NT's is one of our type's most severe weaknesses.

It occurs to me that building up an enumeration of contextual cues, keywords, and responses might be a good application for a wiki. It could be the "users manual" we never had.