How do you view yourself?

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How do you view yourself in contrast to "normal" people? how can you maintain a sense of self respect when it appears that everyone is judging you? I say this because I am feeling uncomfortable in public and I am constantly thinking that people are judging me and thinking im different or weird or whatever.

I get upset when people ignore me or exclude me, but other than that I don't 'view' myself in contrast to other people. Except maybe on physical appearance, like some people are taller and others shorter than me. I don't think people are judging me when I am in public. My relatives used to judge me, and that did make me insecure. But not random people. Why do you think people are judging you?

Be a vastly better SOMETHING than everyone around you. In my case, script kiddie, cyclist, skiier & driver. Discipline transmutes to security.

I know what you mean, OP. I think I feel in that way, too, although after knowing about autism/AS I started to care much less about what other people think about me. I know I AM different but that doesn't mean I'm worse/inferior even if some may think I'm somehow weird/inferior. I'm still ignored, excluded a lot by some people. At work many people ignore me or exclude me when there is a gathering or something. It still hurts but I don't let that make me feel/think I'm inferior. As long as you know you are a good person, you shouldn't have to doubt yourself. You should respect yourself for being a good person.

i have a severe problem with social anxiety -- to the point where i have panic attacks. but after taking a stimulant medication, i'm not nearly as concerned about being judged, and i couldn't have a panic attack if i tried. (the downside is, the med only works if i remember to take it)

if you're interested, please read further:

i've read that those on the spectrum are often very sensitive to stimulants -- that couldn't be more true in my case: i'm prescribed Adderall -- 20mgs, 3x per day. but taking that much makes me INSANELY jittery (i feel as if i'd downed an entire case of Red Bull). my doc said try 10mgs...but it still makes me somewhat jittery. recently, i reduced it to just *5*mgs -- still works like a charm, and no jitters!

if Adderall isn't available where you live, Ritalin or Dexedrine will do the same thing (i've tried both)....but remember, start with the lowest dose possible, and work up if necessary.

and if your doc won't prescribe a stimulant for you, find another doc.

Hmm.

This is a very tricky problem, as I am sure you are aware.

The first step is acknowledging, even if you don't really believe it, that it is not the case that people are being hypercritical of you at all times. Even if people do notice that you're a bit weird, they usually won't care.

You have to try and tackle the irrational feeling. Challenge it. I know that's easier said than done, but you will slowly progress.

It might help if you also try to stop caring what people think of you. I don't mean behave badly, I mean behave as you feel you want to, without fear of being judged.

I agree completely. Being really good at something, and I'm not sure it matters what, does boost self-confidence. While I used to get picked on quite a bit when I was younger, it is very rare now. And because of my special interests, I've found people get their fill of messing with me in a hurry now. I think this is in large measure because I now know who I am, what I'm about, and NT's prone to bullying can sense that.

I'm guessing that since most of us were teased and bullied when we were younger, and since we can't always easily discern people's motives, we assume people are out to get us when in fact most of them are not.

Finally, I would counsel aspies to be careful of the company we keep. lower-class people are much more likely to be bullies and to settle their differences physically than are other people. My advice is to avoid these people whenever possible.

I just don't think about it.

I realise that people are far too wrapped up in themselves to give a damn about me. I also realise that their opinions don't matter: some stranger doesn't like the way I walk, so f*****g what? Am I going to lose my job or something because of it? Will they find all my friends and convince them not to like me?

Can totally relate to the feeling that "everyone thinks I am weird".

It still comes into my mind even though 95% of the people around me are too busy living their lives to care about what I do.

It is highly annoying.

Ditto that. I've been punching the world for over half a century and I now see I've put some dents in it. Discipline, patience, sheer intransigence does pay off in the long game.

I agree with "discipline transmutes to security", since having things you've worked hard for is great for the self-esteem and lessens the impact of judgments, but I don't know about worrying about being better than everyone around you. It's a tall order that may not ever be satisfied.

You got it. It's a matter of not giving up, though frequently tactical changes are in order. I'm 51 myself, and life didn't start to get really good for me until I hit forty.

As someone who doesn't subscribe to a western paradigm of 'self esteem' I view myself in relation to the amount of money and aid I am able to render to the people to whom I am bound by social obligations. For example giving money to my dad, keeping silent and disappearing into the background are things I value.

Also I just try to ignore NTs, turn the other cheek and don't place much of a value on self worth and self confidence. To me I consider these things to be egotistical and part of what used to be called "damnable pride" but ymmv.

So you get to choose between feeling worthless and depressed, and being a good person? Jumping from "having self-esteem" to "pridefulness" is a pretty big leap. A glance at the accepted definition is:

"The experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness."

Educated, oppressed, lonely, broke, broken, shy, paranoid, useless, and most of all, a burden.